Saved Again
by tessnotbess
Summary: What does Allison have planned for Natalie, and will she get saved this time? When all is said and done, maybe she and John will save each other again.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Depending on when you're reading this, all characters are either property of PP or ABC/D; or possibly someone else. But not me.

A/N: So this picks up where PP's OLTL Season 1 left off, and this is my take on what's going to happen next, what Allison's plans are for Natalie, and what John's been up to all this time and how they're connected. Because let's be real, no one was thrilled with how he left GH, and now he has a better reason. A few things I need to apologize for: this is the first time I have ever attempted to use chapters, so the chapters aren't very even- some are really short and some are long. I tried to make it scene by scene, but that didn't seem to work either. Secondly, as you read the story, Todd and Victor are mentioned and then disappear into a plot hole for awhile. Just assume they're getting appropriate medical attention. Once I started getting into the bigger Jolie parts of the story, I focused mostly on them, so Victor and Todd don't really get much attention. On a separate note, I've been working on this for a long time, and I thoroughly hope you enjoy it. Please comment to feed the Muse; she's fickle lately.

Happy reading!

"Hello, Natalie" Allison told her calmly as she continued to scream.

"What are you doing here? What are you doing to my dad?"

"None of your concern. Yet" she said, "You see, in the original plan, we were going to kill dear Daddy Clint so that you and Viki would be hurt and then we would go in for the kill" she said, "Being you and Viki"

"Why do you need to hurt us?"

"That's very complicated, Natalie. Don't push me"

"So now that I've thrown a wrench in your plan, and you've told me, you can't go through with it. I'm on the police force. I could find the evidence you were here, they wouldn't even need my eyewitness account" she said, hoping that for once, Allison would adhere to the basic rules of logic.

"Don't worry, we've got a backup plan" she said, grinning ear to ear and coming closer to her with the needle, moments ago was next to her father's IV.

Before Natalie knew what hit her, Allison had resumed her father to his unconscious state and was had injected whatever was in that needle to her arm. She immediately felt as though she had drank five times as much and the next thing she knew she was on the floor, and shortly after that, everything was black.

"Nothing like being back home, right John?"

"I guess" John said, as he sullenly pulled on his beer.

"You might as well pull out of this funk, man, we're leaving tomorrow. You can't be this distracted on the job" Jake told him.

"The job will distract me plenty. Don't worry about it" he said.

"Well, let's have some fun" Josh said, "How bout a game of pool?"

"I don't play much anymore" John confessed.

"C'mon man, for old time's sake" Aaron badgered.

"Alright, but I'm probably not as good as I used to be"

"What made you stop playing anyway?" Aaron continued.

"That's how he and Natalie met" Jake told Aaron.

"John, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It doesn't matter, Aaron" he told his friend, "I see her everywhere anyway"

"You still love her?" Josh asked, "Even after-"

"You gonna break, or are you gonna talk?" John asked.

"What do ya say, McBain. You wanna shoot some pool while we wait?"

"I think you should shut up and break"

John took another swig of beer. He couldn't escape her. As he took his turn, he sent some balls into the pockets, and his friends mocked him about how he 'wasn't good anymore'. But when he played against Natalie, what were his odds anyway? And he honestly hadn't picked up a cue in the year since he'd left her.

As the game ended and the gang broke up for the night, earlier than normal since they had to catch their flight in the morning, John walked alone back to the motel room he'd been living out of. He opened the door and turned on the light, and was immediately encompassed by the feeling of emptiness. No matter how many times he did it, after living with Natalie for so long, he couldn't stand to come home to an empty room. Instead of immediately getting into bed, he picked up the case file he'd read a hundred times over and reviewed it once more.  
Thus far the team had shipped to Denver, Lincoln, Reno, Houston, New York, and seven remote towns he couldn't remember the names of. They were supposed to be finding the headquarters of a national underground cult, one that held many murders, rapes, and drug dealings to be accounted for. The cult had been operating for decades, but it was suspected that it was currently under new leadership, since the chatter had stopped significantly, and was just now picking up again. That was how John had been recruited in the first place. Once word got out that he was working freelance at a PD in obscure no man's land, the FBI decided his talents would be better used to bring down this cult. He welcomed the distraction, he really did; but he wished he were at a point in his life where getting pulled to do undercover work was behind him. Like if he had a wife and family, which, in his mind, he should, but he couldn't spend his time dwelling on that.  
He closed the case file when the words stopped making sense and without even bothering to change, he turned off the light and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mrs. Banks?"

"Yes Louis?" Viki answered, still recovering from the night that was behind her.

"There's a phone call for you"

"This late at night? Take a message, please" Viki said, making her point by sitting down.

"It's Miss Natalie's sitter" Louis pressed.

Viki was on her feet again in no time, immediately taking the phone out of Louis's hand.

"Yes, Mackenzie" Viki answered, already knowing something was wrong.

"Ms. Banks didn't come home when she said she would, it's been over an hour"

"Alright, dear, I'll be over there in a minute. Thank you for staying this long"  
Viki hung up, immediately grabbing her keys. If only she could believe that Natalie was staying with Cutter at his place, but Viki saw what happened between the two of them, and there was no doubt that Natalie and Cutter were not together right now. Even if they had been, forgetting Liam was completely uncharacteristic of Natalie. Something was definitely wrong. Once in the car, she hit Bo's speed dial.

Unfortunately, it went to voicemail.

"Bo, its Viki. I know you can't do anything til morning or twenty four hours or whatever." she said and took a breath, "but Natalie never relieved her sitter. I think she's missing. Call me back when you get this, I'm picking up Liam and bringing him to Llanfair"

Dear God, Viki thought. Let this be a big misunderstanding. Natalie has to be alright.

"Guam?" she asked.

"Yes, Guam" Jeffrey answered his elder shortly. For the new leader, she sure wasn't what he imagined.

"It's so-"

"Perfect"

"Well, at least I get a tropical vacation out of this"

"Allison, I don't believe you screwed this up" Carl said from the pilot seat of the aircraft.

"I didn't have another option" she said.  
"You could have acted faster" Carl snapped, "Now we have an heiress and two Mannings to deal with. Dealing with the Clint would have been so much easier"

"Yeah, cuz he's old and weak and feeble, yada yada yada" she said, "But let me tell you, the Messenger and myself have taken Natalie hostage before, and people always come running"

"We don't want them to run yet. We haven't completed our course of action regarding the twins" Jeffrey spelled it out

"And now we'll have Matthew suspicious because Jeffrey's gone" Carl lamented.

"I'd say I can hold him off for a week if he thinks I'm with you" Jeffrey said, "I don't think he'll be much of a problem" he continued, "Unlike the fact that half of Llanview will be out searching for her" Jeffrey yelled.

"Hush. The Messenger has sent us sweet Natalie. Believe me; it'll pay off in good time"

"Good time better come soon" Carl snarled.


	3. Chapter 3

"So where are we off to this time?" John asked once they were all seated in the FBI's carrier and he'd secured his cup of coffee.

"The FBI is taking us on an all-expenses paid vacation to-" Jake paused, being dramatic and opening the folder, "Guam"

"Well, at least it's sort of like a vacation" Aaron said.

"Yeah, and check out our digs" Jake said, "Lake house right on the beach"

"The FBI continues to use those tax dollars" Josh said.

"Well, who am I to complain?" Jake said, "So Aaron, you'll be acting as a teller and checking out all those bank type people and keeping an eye on strange transactions. Josh, you'll be a grocer, so checking out all the locals. John, you'll be in the local PD, basically holding down the fort, and making sure none of them are corrupted" he read off the list.

"And you are?" John asked.

"Naturally, I'll be acting as a lifeguard on the beach to get to know some more of the younger locals"

"And walking around with your shirt off in front of teenage girls?" Josh mocked.

"You're not actually on vacation" John reminded him.

"No, but unlike the rest of you I still have some game" he said, "I got nothing to lose"

John rolled his eyes, "Please tell me we don't have to start til tomorrow"

"No, we get tonight to plan out and scope around, see if anything seems off"

"Why Guam?" Aaron asked.

"Chatter flat out stated this was where the biggest action would be" Jake said, "I think this might be the end of it"

"Let's hope" John said.

Viki opened the door to find Bo on the other side, "Thank God you're here"

"Still no word?" Bo asked, coming in.

Viki shut the door, "No"

"And how's Liam?"

"He just thinks she's working, got called in last night and hasn't been able to make it back yet" she said, "which would be likely if she had actually called me. And with his parent's genes, he's going to figure it out soon"

"He's such a little detective. It's amazing how much like both of them he is"

"Bo, I've been thinking" Viki paused, "should we call John and tell him?"

"I don't know, Viki" he said, "Let's not make any decisions about that before we officially declare her a missing person"

"I guess" she said, "so what can we do now?"

"When was the last time you saw Natalie?"

"Same time you did. She left to see Clint"

"They found Clint's IV out of place this morning, but said he'd had no visitors"

"Didn't Matthew go with Natalie?"

"I asked him. Said they couldn't get past security, so he and Michelle went home. Natalie stayed to keep trying"

"So do we even know if she made it up to see him?"

"We'd have to ask the hospital staff, Clint was sedated"

Viki took a deep breath, "and so she just disappeared after Matthew left her at the hospital? Bo, something is wrong here"

"I know. Natalie would never just forget about Liam"

"Bo, I am genuinely worried. Right now, that little boy's mother and father is god knows where"

"Me and Nora can keep him at our place if you-"

"It's not that I'm worried about, it's just- Natalie's the only kid I have left that's close to home. I don't want to lose her, and I don't want her son to go through what she had to"

"We'll find her Viki. We always find her. This isn't the first time Natalie's been- taken from us. She always finds her way back"

"I don't know Bo; I have a bad feeling about this"


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Uncle Clint" Matthew said, "Good morning"

"Oh, have I got a head ache" he said, "Can you turn the lights off, Matthew?"

"Yeah" he said, going to turn the lights out, "You had an awful lot to drink last night"

"Feels like I got hit with a truck"

"Well, this has been the longest you've laid off the booze in about a week, so-"

"Oh, Matthew I screwed up, didn't I?"

"Do you remember last night?"

"Not really"

"Yeah, you screwed up" he said, "but we're all still supporting you"

"Viki?"

"Well-"

"Damn. I really screwed up, didn't I?"

"It'll be okay" Matthew said, "Do you know if Natalie ever made it up to see you last night? Security was giving us problems"

"No, I was sedated. But I feel like I heard something-"

"Maybe it was Natalie"

"Maybe" Clint said, "I wish I could remember what it was"

"Oh, looks like you've finally come to" Natalie heard a voice, but it seemed as though she couldn't be hearing that voice.

When she opened her eyes, she almost couldn't believe it.

"Victor? Todd?" she asked, almost unbelieving, "What are you doing here? Where are we?"

"I don't know" Victor said.

"But we were afraid you weren't going to wake up"

"Allison. Where's Allison?" she asked.

"She dumped you and left" Victor said, "Probably somewhere around this hellhole"

"How long have you guys been here?"

"Long enough to know we're not getting out" Todd said.

"Well, you haven't killed each other yet" Natalie said.

"I guess we have hope now, though. No one will think to look for us, but they'll come looking for you"

"My sitter must have called someone. Bo will know something's wrong"

"Allison's good at not being traced" Todd said.

"Why us three? What do they want from us?" she asked.

"We don't know yet" Victor said.

"It's all coming in good time" Todd said, "so says Allison"


	5. Chapter 5

"Alright. I'm putting out the APB" Bo said, he hit the send button and then made the phone call.

Once he hung up, "I hate this Bo, I really hate this" Viki said.

"Me too, Viki. But you should go wait at the house. Be with Liam. Your phone number is listed after the PD, so once we hear anything, someone will call you"

"Alright. Good luck" she said.

As soon as she was gone, Bo picked up his cell phone and hit the number he'd almost called twenty times today. He knew what his odds of actually getting him were, but he at least had to try to reach him.

"Hello?" a voice he didn't recognize answer.

"Hello, this is Commissioner Buchanan. Is this John McBain's cell phone?"

"Yes, it is Commissioner. Agent McBain is out of the country on an undercover case right now"

Bo sighed, "I figured. If I leave you a message, will it get relayed to him?"

"It depends on how much it would affect his work in the field" the voice answered honestly.

"Okay" he said, "then don't deliver this right away. It'll distract him" he said, "Just- tell him to call me when he gets back" Bo said, "and tell him it's about Natalie" he added.

"Okay" the voice answered, "the message will get to him when he returns to the office"

"Thank you" Bo said, and hung up.

If he could, he would get John pulled from his job. He needed to be here, he needed to know Natalie was missing. If anyone could find her, it was John. Guess he was flying solo on this one.

"Grandma, where's Mommy?" he asked, "She's never been at work this long" he told her.

"She's on a trip" Viki tried using this line on this grandchild.

"No she's not. She would've taken me with her" Liam insisted, "something's wrong, grandma"

Lord, he was so much like John and Natalie, being able to see through any lie.

"Sweetie, the most important thing right now is that your mom would want you to be well rested, right? Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"Fine" Liam answered, "but I want to know in the morning where my mom is"

Viki put her grandson down and went to sit by the phone. This was so uncharacteristic of her daughter, and she could feel it deep in her heart that Natalie was in trouble. She hated so much that her daughter was in trouble again, and with no one to come home to. And should the worst happen, her grandson very well could be without a parent. She put her head in her hands and started to pray this would all blow over. The phone rang, and she hoped it was an answer to her prayers.

"Hello? Bo?"

"Yeah, Viki, is Liam asleep?"

"Yeah, I just put him down. He knows, Bo. He wants answers. Just like his parents"

"I called John. He's out of the country on undercover for the FBI"

"So he doesn't know?"

"If he knew, he'd be risking himself and a lot of other people, and I just don't want that on my conscience"

"He might not even want to know" Viki said.

"Maybe" Bo said, "but no other updates" he said.

"Alright. Thanks Bo" she said, and hung up.


	6. Chapter 6

Clint was still not allowed out of the hospital, but had managed to get rights to the TV. He initially just wanted to watch the news to see if the BE stocks had taken a hit as he destroyed every other aspect of his life, but that plan went straight to hell.

"Heiress Natalie Buchanan Banks has been reported as missing as of tonight. The heiress was last seen by the public eye when she followed her father, Clint Buchanan out of the Man of the Year gala out of the event at Shelter after his temper tantrum which he left on a stretcher. Ms. Banks reportedly left the event with cousin, Matthew Buchanan to ensure that her father was okay upon reaching the hospital. No one has seen or heard from the heiress since. Anyone with any information is asked to call the Llanview Police Department"

_Clint opened his eyes and immediately tried to avoid the needle above him. His efforts doubled when he realized it was Allison Perkins wielding the needle. For a split second she looked away. _

_"Why hello Natalie"_

_And the last thing his ears heard before those damn drugs kicked in was Natalie's screams._

Immediately, Clint began pushing the button for the nurse without relents. When the nurse came rushing in, he demanded a phone.

"Mr. Buchanan, hospital policy"

"My family built this damn hospital" he spat at her, "There is an APB out on my daughter and I have important information for the police" he demanded.

Soon, the nurse came back with a phone. He dialed Bo immediately.

"Buchanan"

"Bo, it's me"

"Clint, shouldn't you-"

"I'm still in the hospital. Listen, about Natalie-"

"I'm sorry I didn't call, I just figured it'd be better for your heart, and you might have still been sedated-"

"Bo, I saw her before I was out last night"

"When?"

"I don't know. But that's not the important part"

"What do you mean?"

"Natalie was screaming. Allison Perkins was here. She must have taken Natalie"

"You're sure?"

"It's as clear as day" Clint promised, "Now you bring my daughter home"

The next day, Bo combed through surveillance footage to find any proof that Clint was right to give them a timeframe. When the clock at the bottom of the screen read 11 pm, Bo saw Allison enter Clint's room. She filled a needle with something, untraceable he was sure, and went to his bedside. Why Clint woke up remained a mystery, but Bo was happy it had happened; otherwise there still wouldn't be a lead. After Clint passed out, Allison injected Natalie with the needle, and Bo saw her collapse to the ground. Damn. He thought. Natalie could get out of a lot of bad situations, but if she was out, who knows what could have happened. She might even not be-

He couldn't think that.

Next, two goons came in and one of them lifted Natalie and followed Allison out. The clock read 11:20 pm yesterday. They could be anywhere by now. Before he made the call to update the APB, he called Viki.

"Hello? Bo? Is there news?" she asked urgently.

"Yeah" he answered, "How's Liam doing?"

"He's distracted. Matthew and Destiny brought Drew over, so he's playing at least for now"

"Alright. Make sure you're out of earshot of anyone else"

After a moment of silence, Viki spoke again, "I'm alone. What's going on Bo?"

"I wanted you to know before the APB got updated" Bo said, "Allison Perkins is at large. She took Natalie"

"When?"

"Last night. They could be anywhere" Bo answered honestly, "Don't freak out. She took Natalie with her, she doesn't want her dead. She wants us to follow her"

"Okay. Thanks Bo. Keep me updated" she said, and hung up.


	7. Chapter 7

"I can't sit here anymore" Natalie said, "God, Liam, I hope someone's taking care of him"

"Of course someone is. I'm sure he's at your mom's house as we speak" Todd tried to solace her.

"Or with his father" Victor said nonchalantly.

"No, he's not" Natalie snapped, "You took that away from him" she yelled at Todd.

"He did that all on his own"

"But you could've just sent it to me and let me deal with it. But no, you had to send it to my father, too. Why didn't you just put it on billboard for the whole town to see?" she yelled.

"He hurt me. I wasn't about to let him get away with hurting you too"

"Bull. You just wanted to hurt him. He might never see his son now" she said, "and if I don't get out of here, Liam might not have either of his parents and that's on you" she turned towards the wall before she would say something she regretted.

"Are you telling me you would have taken him back after that?"

"I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about my son. Thanks to you, a restraining order was taken out so John couldn't see his own son. You couldn't just let me deal with it, you had to get everyone else involved"

"Well, I knew you would keep it to yourself, and you don't deserve-"

"And when have you ever given a damn what I deserved?" she yelled, "Because last I checked no one deserves to have their heart cut out"

"Does it always have to come back to that?"

"You just wanted to hurt John. And in the process, you might be orphaning a child" she was just about at her breaking point.

"Alright, you two, neutral corners" Victor finally intervened, "Someone wanna fill me in?"

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore" Natalie said, backing away.

"I'll tell you" Todd told his brother, "McBain went to Port Charles to arrest me after I violated my bail agreement, and then he found out something about his sister-"

"McBain had a sister?"

"Besides the point" Todd said, "Anyway he stayed there way longer than he intended to and while he was there he cheated on Natalie with a mob princess, and one of my journalists happened to catch it on camera, and I just sent it along to the appropriate parties"

"McBain cheated on you?" Victor asked Natalie, "I thought him a lot of things, but-"

"We never got the full story. He only tried to contact me a few times and I was still angry and then my dad took out a restraining order and John didn't want to violate it, and now he's undercover in the FBI somewhere" she said.

Victor nodded, "I'm sorry"

"Like you're any better" she scoffed.

"I know how it feels to be alone in the world. I've been living it for over a year now. I never liked McBain but, I know you loved him. I thought he felt the same way"

"We all did" she said, "So how are we going to get out of here?"

John walked into a police station and was immediately stunned. It looked almost like the PD in Llanview. The squad room was the same, the two offices that sat in the middle of the station, and based on the smell, there was definitely a pot of coffee somewhere, and he bet it was as dusty as he hated it. An older man came into the squad room and he made his way over to them.

"You must be John McBain" the older man said.

"That makes you Jack Orville?" John asked.

"Glad to have you on board" Jack shook John's hand, "Let me show you our detective, he's been working this case from the beginning, and he'll be able to point you in the right direction"

"I would really like to put a lid on this case" John said, "If you guys think this is it, my life would get a lot easier"

"Nathan, your man from the FBI is here" Jack said upon opening the door, "I'll leave you two to it" he said, and leaving.

"John McBain" John introduced himself.

"Nathan Cornwall. You can call me Nate" he said.

"So whatcha got? Fill me in" John said, taking a seat, and the two of them combed through intel for the next few hours.


	8. Chapter 8

"Getting out might not be the best idea" Victor tried to tell her.

"What do you mean? You think it's better to be sitting ducks for whenever Allison Perkins decides to come torture us?"

"Look, I know it sounds bad, but he's right" Todd said, "She's feeding us, she's not torturing us yet. We don't know where we are, even if we get out we could walk right into more trouble"

"We just have to wait for an opening to escape"

"I don't believe that of all the people in the world I'm stuck with the two of you, and you're actually agreeing on something"

"Being in seclusion will do that to you" Todd said.

"Well, don't hold your breath on me complying" Natalie said, starting to look around the room.

"Natalie, we've been in this room for over a week. Don't you think we've thought of every possible way out? There are none. Waiting to crazy to slip is going to be our best bet"

"And when have you ever known Allison to slip?"

"I got out once" Victor pointed out.

"There's no way she's working alone"

"No, but she's definitely calling the shots. Mitch was the only one who could ever get her to shut up. I don't see her taking orders from anyone else, do you?" Victor pointed out.

"I certainly don't"

The three turned to see Allison herself with their meal for the day.

"What, not happy to see me? I brought you food and drink" Allison said, setting the tray on the table in the middle of the room.

"How do I know it's not poison?" Natalie asked.

"I want you alive, Natalie" Allison told her, "Besides, Mitch would send down a bolt of lightning to kill me if I so dared to murder you"

"That's comforting" Todd noted sarcastically.

"Don't try to figure me out, you three. You'll learn in due time" she said, "Spend your efforts on reacquainting yourselves instead" she suggested.

"You didn't call him the Messenger" Natalie said, "You usually do"

"Things have changed. I'm the Messenger now" Allison said, "Eat up. You're not getting anything else til morning" she said and left.

Once she was gone, Natalie skeptically looked at the food.

"Have you been eating regularly?" she asked the two of them.

"Yeah" Todd said.

"I don't think she's poisoning us" Victor told her.

"Well, I don't suppose I'm getting out of this completely unscathed anyway" Natalie said, and finally decided to eat.

"So what's the deal so far, fellas?" Jake asked as they debriefed over beers after dinner in their living room.

"The bank's a little sketchy" Aaron said, "Not everyone in power is on the up and up. I don't have anything to back me up on that, but-"

"Always trust your gut" John told him.

"I didn't see anything out of the ordinary today" Josh said, "Lots of people speaking fluent English, though"

"We're in an American territory" Jake pointed out.

"The PD is actually in great hands. The commissioner and the lieutenant are definitely on our side, and the lieutenant's a great guy, me and him combed through intel on this all day. He's got some solid information. I hate to jinx it, but I think that this might be it" John said.

"It was a good day on the beach" Jake said, to all of their laughter, "but there was these two guys, one old, one young, totally creepy and trying not to seem it"

"Guess we have our target areas" John said, "But Josh, I really do think you still need to stay where you are. Wherever this cult is hiding out, they're going to need food at some point"

"That's true. And John, you should spend tomorrow seeing if we can narrow down where to look. We all want this over with" Jake said.


	9. Chapter 9

Natalie, Victor and Todd had begun to lose track of the days when Allison made an appearance herself again. She had been making her goons do her dirty work for her, and apparently, feeding them was included. She set down roast chicken and mashed potatoes on their little table, a far cry from their usual soup and bread. Then, she sat down with them.

"I figured I would treat you all today. You've such pleasant guests. You haven't even tried to escape"

"As if we could" Todd noted.

"Go ahead, eat up. I know you're hungry"

Though the three of them knew it couldn't have been a good reason that the meal was different, their hunger won out.

"So we haven't had the time to catch up. Tell me everything" she said, and when she was greeted with silence, she started asking pointed questions, "How is Blair? And Starr and Jack?" she asked Todd.

"Blair's fine. Starr is nowhere near where you can get her. Jack hates me" Todd summarized his life.

"And Tea, and Daniella? Little Sam?"

"They're doing fine. They're upset that I'm gone again, but that's beside the point, isn't it Allison?" Victor answered pointedly.

"And Natalie? How's the baby? Why he must be almost three by now"

"Don't talk about my son" Natalie answered.

"Very well then, how's the dashing Lieutenant? What was his name? John"

Natalie looked down, "John's not in the picture anymore" she answered.

"I'm sorry to hear that. He was so handsome; I thought for sure you had yourself a catch"

"I prefer not to talk about it anymore" Natalie said.

"Well, since the three of you aren't entertaining, I'll leave you to feast"

As Allison left, the three of them grew drowsy so slowly, none of them noticed. They all fell asleep at the same time, unable to think anything of it since they felt so bone tired that sleep greeted them quickly.

It had been five days since they had called in Natalie as missing. Viki had experienced this enough that she knew after one week the effort became less resilient and less focused. After a week, they tried without the oomph for another two weeks, and then after that, Natalie would become nothing more than another missing persons file. Meanwhile, Liam was not buying any story she told him. He knew something was wrong, and the best the family could do was distract him.

Clint had come home from the hospital, and was staying at Llanfair, at least temporarily. As awkward as it was for Viki, it was best that the family was in as few locations as possible, and Clint was always game for whatever Liam had up his sleeves. As God's luck would have it, Liam was really enjoying cowboys as of late, and Clint took such pride in it, they spent hours every day watching cowboy movies and learning to ride horses.

Viki answered the knock on the door hoping it was good news. Jess, Kevin, and Joey had started calling from London wondering what was happening, and she hated not having answers.

"Hello, Bo. Come in" she answered, "How are you feeling?"

"I look that bad, huh?" he said, "Nora's been getting on my case about taking care of myself, too" he told her.

"I appreciate everything you're doing" Viki told him.

"I love Natalie. I'm not about to let this become just another case" he said, looking down.

"But eventually it will" Viki finished for him, "I know how this goes, Bo. You don't have to tell me"

"I'm not going give up. When the trail goes completely cold, we'll call in Balsom. Rex isn't about to let his sister be gone for good"

"But she might be. And Liam's only going to be distracted by his grandfather and cousins for so long before he needs his mom"

"Well, Natalie would do anything to stop her son from growing up alone. That's the last thing she would have wanted for him" Bo said, "I just wanted to see how you were doing. But I'm going to get back to the station"

"So what's the deal so far, fellas?" Jake asked as they debriefed over beers after dinner in their living room.

"The bank's a little sketchy" Aaron said, "Not everyone in power is on the up and up. I don't have anything to back me up on that, but-"

"Always trust your gut" John told him.

"I didn't see anything out of the ordinary today" Josh said, "Lots of people speaking fluent English, though"

"We're in an American territory" Jake pointed out.

"The PD is actually in great hands. The commissioner and the lieutenant are definitely on our side, and the lieutenant's a great guy, me and him combed through intel on this all day. He's got some solid information. I hate to jinx it, but I think that this might be it" John said.

"It was a good day on the beach" Jake said, to all of their laughter, "but there was these two guys, one old, one young, totally creepy and trying not to seem it"

"Guess we have our target areas" John said, "But Josh, I really do think you still need to stay where you are. Wherever this cult is hiding out, they're going to need food at some point"

"That's true. And John, you should spend tomorrow seeing if we can narrow down where to look. We all want this over with" Jake said.


	10. Chapter 10

Natalie woke up in a daze, and as soon as she sat up, the world hit her in the face with a ton of bricks. She laid down on her right, knowing it would pass. This was a textbook poisoning. Done well, apparently, since she hadn't noticed before now. When it seemed she could sit, she looked around.

She was alone.

"Oh shit" she whispered.

Victor and Todd were gone. She was on her own.

And she was sure Allison would come for her next.

"So we're pretty sure they're operating out of here" Nate said, showing John the house on the computer, "Our research on the building has shown that there's a completely refurbished basement, proper ventilation and everything, no windows, one door"

"Seemingly perfect to hide any hostages" John noted.

"Exactly. So I had a bug planted on the outside window"

"Clever" John noted.

"I try and go around procedure without completely breaking it"

John laughed, "I think you and I in the same department would have ended in a headache for IA"

Nate laughed too, "I think you're right" he said.

"So how long's it been there? Uncover anything interesting?"

"A couple months. Definitely some hostages, attempted murder for sure, anything else isn't concrete. There's only audio"

"Well, it'll do"

"We believe there's a hostage in there now"

"Let me take a listen?" John asked.

"Go right-" the two of them stopped as a young woman came into his office without knocking. She had blonde hair, a thin frame, and perfectly tanned skin.

"Sara" Nate said, "Is that the history on those people I asked for?"

John mentally smiled. He could tell in the way Nate said her name what she meant to him. But of course, he couldn't act like he had feelings while he was still in the room. After all, inter office romance was always a no go.

"Yeah" she said, and he went around his desk to take it from her.

"Thanks" he said, "I owe you one" he added quietly, and lightly kissed her lips.

John could guess their relationship wasn't completely on the DL.

"Can I call it in? Take your lunch with me, let's get out of here for a while" she said, smiling.

"Sara, you know I can't. Especially not now, the FBI's about to close in on-" he paused to stop himself from incriminating himself, "a big case they need me on"

John looked down. He couldn't even count the number of times he'd said something like that to Natalie. Her face would fall just for a second before smiling back up at him to say they'd just hang out that night.

"Okay" she said, "I'll talk to you later" she turned and left.

When Nate turned back towards John, he could tell he was confused. Sara was angry, and he didn't know why, but John did. That wasn't the first time Nate had ever blown her off.

"So where were we?" Nate tried to act unaffected, but John knew that act all too well.

"You blew her off"

"What?"

"I was standing right here, man. She's upset because you blew her off for work, and not for the first time either"

"She understands. She works here, too, she knows I can't just up and leave in the middle of a case" Nate defended himself.

"Yeah, I'm sure she understands. That doesn't make her feel any better"

"She does. We just have to wait for this cult thing to die down and then-"

"I was just like you. I said after this case, and I kept saying it. And I would lose her, and then I would win her back, and do the same thing over again. Years passed, and I thought that was it" he paused, "I left for weeks for a case. Then came the day I went home to find that she was gone. She's never coming back"

"Me and Sara will be married in a few years" Nate defended himself.

"Not if you keep doing this" he said, "Take it from me; she's not going to wait forever"

"I'm lucky she's stuck with me this long" Nate said.

"Go"

"What?" he said.

"It's just intel. I can handle it, I've been doing this job for a long time" John said.

"Why do you care so much?"

John looked down, "Because if I could go back in time, I'd want someone to tell me to pull my head out of my ass" he answered, "Now go, have lunch with your girlfriend"

"I'll back soon. Thanks man" Nate said, leaving.

"Hey McBain. It's quitting time" Natalie said as she walked into his office.

"Not yet, I'm afraid" he answered, not even bothering to stand up.

_"C'mon John, it's late. You worked through lunch, and you haven't had anything but coffee all day. Let's go to Rodi's" Natalie tried pleading._

_"I have to figure this out, Natalie. We can't arrest Truman without evidence"_

_"The evidence will still be there in the morning" she said._

_"Truman knows I'm onto him. I've already lost time" he said, looking back down to the file._

_He heard Natalie exhale, the way she did when she was frustrated. But he couldn't be bothered to ask what was wrong, after all, work was always more important. It wouldn't always be, but he knew that Natalie understood that._

_"Alright. Well, I'm going to grab take out for the both of us and head home. I have some homework to do anyway but" she paused, "At least promise me you'll eat it"_

_"Yeah" he answered only half paying attention._

_She came over to his side of the desk, and kissed the side of his face, "I'll see you soon"_

_John worked for hours after that, stopping only because there was no more coffee in the building and the night shift was starting to bug him. As he packed his papers back into their files, he saw the date on his desk calendar, and what Natalie had written under August 1 in her perfect handwriting_

_2 months 3_

_Shit, he thought. He had forgotten their anniversary, arbitrary as it was; he knew Natalie was happy that they'd lasted so long. That's why she was so upset._

_When he got home, he saw the takeout she'd gotten for him, still untouched on the coffee table. But what made him realize how screwed up he really was, was that on his awfully uncomfortable couch, Natalie had fallen asleep with the light on, her forensics book open in her lap, her hair done up, fresh make up on her face, and dressed solely in a black lace bra and panty set. She had dressed up for him, to surprise him when he finally paid attention to her on their anniversary so they could celebrate. Not for the first time, he wondered how she managed to put up with him when he did shit like this, because this was not the first time he'd done something like this. But more than anything right now, he just wanted to get her bed and hold her. Silently, he pulled the bed sheets back, turned off the light, and took the book out of her lap. He picked her up and tucked her into her side of the bed. Once he took off his shoes and overcoat and pants, he got in his side, and took Natalie in his arms. It won't always be like this, he told himself. Just until I get Truman, and then I'll act the man she wants me to be. He nested his face in her hair for a moment, and he felt her stir._

_"John?" she asked groggily, turning her head to face him._

_"I'm an ass" he said, his face pressed into the side of hers, "I'm sorry Natalie"_

_She just looked into his eyes and put her hand on the side of his face, "it's okay. I didn't tell you" she never hesitated to accept his apology, as half-hearted as most of them were, "Did you eat?"_

_"I'm not hungry" he said, "I'll bring it for lunch tomorrow"_

_She kissed him._

_"You have class tomorrow. Get some sleep" he told her._

_She kissed him once more, "It's been a good two months" she told him, "I wouldn't want anyone else. I love you" she said, and with one more kiss she turned the other way and fell back asleep_

_It had been a good two months. How easy would it have been to tell her it was good for him too? And yet, as he always did, he didn't take the opportunity to tell her anything. Instead, he watched her breathing for a long time, listened to the sound while he rested his head in her hair. Lately, that had been the only thing that could get him to sleep. And even though she must have been pissed at him, she stayed because she knew he needed her._

John sat in Nate's chair, staring at the computer screen, but his mind was elsewhere. What he would give to go back and always treat Natalie the way she deserved? He didn't think there was anything he wouldn't do. If someone had told him what he just told Nate, his whole life could be different. Every time he thought about that night, he wondered what went through Natalie's mind while she got ready for him. Did she purposely pick out the lace? Had she gone out of her way to buy it new for that night? And when she sat down to study, how long was she sitting there waiting for him? Did she wonder if he cared about her half as much as he cared about his work?

She must have. After all, he'd always chosen work over her, what else could she believe?

If he could go back in time, he'd go to every lunch, every dinner, and every random family party she'd ask him to. Most importantly, he'd go home with her when she told him too. She had been the only one to care about his wellbeing when he was working on overdrive. If he could only have told her then how much he needed her.

He hoped somewhere Nate was telling Sara how important she was.

"God, you have got some sense of humor" he said, finally starting to click through things the bug had picked up.


	11. Chapter 11

"The time is upon us" Carl told Jeffery.

"If this works, there's no telling what we'll be able to do"

"All those folks in Llanview will be putty in our hands"

Meanwhile, Todd and Victor, still unconscious were strapped to a table crucifixion style, with their brains hardwired to a machine which would relay all of the information within their precious brains right into the hands of Allison and her followers.

"Do you really think we can get to Viki this way?" Jeffrey asked, "She might be too smart, she'll never buy it"

"That's why we're putting new things in their brain, you imbicile" Alyson finally interrupted, "We'll put them back in Llanview, re-establish the trust of the Lords and the Mannings, the holier than thou Buchanan's" she paused, "and then our boys wipe 'em all out. And Llanview will belong to us"

"And we'll have everything that God intended for us" Carl said.

"Oh, Mitch would be so pleased" Allison said.

"And what about Natalie?" Jeffrey asked, "Why don't we brainwash her too?"

"Well, Natalie poses a bit of a challenge" Allison started, "You see she is the definition of a trouble magnet. She's a cop, and they look out for their own, so they're looking for us. It's important that we get the two Todds on our side, so our best bet is to keep her unconscious, and maybe start wiping her memory out so that if they are onto us, she can't help them"

"And if no trouble arises?" Carl asked.

"That's a big if" Allison said, "But, then I don't see any harm in getting her on our side too"

And thus, they started to program the brains of Victor and Todd.

"We have a house" John told his housemates gathered around him in their living room, "and more than that, we have evidence. They've been holding hostages in their house for a while, probably including right now"

"So now we just need to scout it out and get in" Jake said, "Anyone else have anything to add"

"The owner of the bank, Carl Peterson" Aaron added, "If he had to guess, he's involved. A lot of money has been funneled into offshore accounts. And not all his money, I might add"

"There's a Carl on tape" John said, "probably the same one"

"Alright boys, tomorrow, we scope out the playing field" Jake said, "If this is it, we could be resuming our normal lives within the week"

John looked away. His normal life wasn't much to be proud of, and he wasn't sure what was next for him after this case. Not that it made any sense to him, but it somehow felt personal, necessary that he saw the end to it.

_"So what are we doing tonight? Drinks and pool at Rodi's and heading back to your place?" Natalie asked._

_"Is there something wrong with that?" he asked, noting her tone._

_"No, of course not I-" she paused, "I didn't mean to sound short. I promise. I just had a long day, and-"_

_"Well do you just wanna go home and rest?"_

_"I appreciate it. But with Tess lately, I could use a little normal"_

_"Normal?"_

_"Well, our normal, I guess. Beer and pool, and time with you" she said, "and that sounds pretty good right about now"_

If only that could always have been his normal. If only he'd shown her how much she meant to him from the beginning. If only-  
He could make a list a mile long, but in the end, he'd been the one who'd ruined the best normal he'd ever have.


	12. Chapter 12

Natalie sat bolt upright when she heard the door open. Her head had felt off for a little bit, and it was worrying her that there was still no sign of Todd and Victor. When Allison came back in, she was at least comforted with the fact that there was no more of that laced chicken.

"Have a good sleep, Natalie?"

"What did you do to me?" she said.

"That's for me to know and for you to keep to yourself"

"What did you do to Todd and Victor?"

"The important thing is that it's not you" she said, "We're going to keep you- let's say comfortable for the next while" Allison said, and before Natalie could even process what she was saying, there was a needle in her arm.

"What is this?" she asked.

"Have a good night, Natalie" Allison said as she left.

Natalie felt an overwhelming fatigue sweep her body, and she said a silent prayer that she would live through this as the drugs claimed her in sleep.

"Mom, it's been a week. How can there be no news?"

"Jessie, darling, Bo's doing all he can"

"Allison has her; God knows what could happen to her" Jess said, "And what about Liam? What's going to happen to him if-?"

"No" Viki said, "Don't you dare say that. Natalie is going to come home. She would not leave her boy"

"I'm not saying its Natalie's fault, but with Allison, anything could happen"

"Liam's with me and your father for the time being"

"Dad?"

"Well, Liam takes really well to him, and that's the important thing right now. Me and your father have decided to table everything else until Natalie comes back"

"If you need me, I'll be on the next flight"

"Don't be ridiculous Jess, Natalie wouldn't want you to disrupt your life, and you told me just last week Ryder had a cold, you don't want to be flying with him"

"Natalie would do it for me. Rex is going God only knows where to help find her"

"Rex's child is in boarding school" Viki said.

"Just keep us posted"

"I love you, Jessie"

"I love you too, Mom"

With that, Viki hung up the phone and headed to help fix dinner. Liam and Clint would be in from the stables any minute, so when the door opened, she automatically responded, "Wash your hands, boys"

"If you insist" Bo answered.

"Oh, Bo, I thought you were Liam and Clint" she said.

"Is Liam doing any better?"

"He's the same. Distractible and worried"

"Just like his mother" Bo mused.

"Any news?"

"Balsom thinks he has a trail. But from my end, nothing. And-"

"I know, it's been a week. Odds aren't in our favor"

"Balsom's not going to let this go. Even if there comes a point where I have to, Balsom's never going to stop. He'll find her"

"Thanks, Bo. Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"No, I'm going to go check the station for more leads"

"Thanks, Bo"

And as Bo left, Viki rested her head in her hands, muttering silent prayers to whoever would listen.


	13. Chapter 13

Bo, once inside the safety of his car, dialed that number for the fifth time this week.

"John McBain's phone"

"Still out of the country?" Bo asked.

"Sorry commissioner"

"It's been a week. You need to put me through" Bo said.

"I can't do that. I'm sorry"

"It's important. He has the right to know"

"John McBain can't be operating distracted. It's too much of a danger to everyone he's around"

"Damn" Bo said, and hung up, aggravated and so unsure of what to do next. The only person who'd ever been able to find Natalie despite all the odds against him was completely out of reach.

"So we want to be able to go in tomorrow. The guys think since you've been such a big help, you could come with us"

"On an FBI sting?" Nate said, clearly blown away by the offer.

"You know more about this than anyone else. We'd be dumb to not take you with us"

"I'm honored" he said, "I've secretly always wanted to be in the FBI"

"Really?" John asked, skeptically.

"I mean, yeah, it's the best of the best. It's every cop's dream to make it up there"

"I guess" he said, "Just, really think about it before you make any decisions. If this goes well for you, I'm sure they'll offer you a job"

"What could there be to consider?" Nate said, "It'll be the best thing to ever happen to me"

"Well, there's long hours, mandated travel, days and weeks spent away from loved ones" he said.

"Sarah would come with me"

"Aaron's wife isn't allowed to come with him. No girlfriends are ever allowed. I don't know Sara well, but from what I've seen, I don't think she's going to take well to it"

Nate looked at the older man for a second, and asked the first of many questions that went unanswered when it came to the enigma of John McBain, "What's her name?"

John looked at this man, this younger version of him. He had it all, and was greedy enough to want more, just like he'd been. Instead of wanting revenge, though, Nate just wanted honor. In the end, it would be the same mistake, and John felt like he owed it to this guy to make sure he didn't make it.

"Natalie"

"You love her" he said.

"Yeah" he said, "and I left her work. And when I did, I lost her for good"

"So what would you have done differently?"

"I would've gone to lunch when she asked me to. I would have taken her to dinner more often. I would be there every night when she went fell asleep waiting for me in my bed. I wouldn't leave before she woke up. I would have stuck up for her when she needed me. I would have stayed with her and my son when I doubted he was mine. And I definitely would have chosen staying with her over leaving for a case that I didn't need to solve"

"You and her have a son?"

"Yeah. But because of the choices I made, I can never see him again" he said, "Nate, I can understand wanting more out of your career. I've been there. But there's a time and a place for that in your life. Don't make the same mistakes I did. You have something really great with Sara, don't throw it away for work"

"So you don't want to be in the FBI?"

"I did once. And I did it, and I loved it. But this isn't a job you want your whole life" he said, "Just think about it before you make any decisions


	14. Chapter 14

_"You told me you loved me. When I said I love you to Jared, he said it back. That was you"_

_"Yeah"_

_"And then I kissed you. I kissed you" God how could she have done something like this. Now, when she was still in love with her late husband, and of all people-_

_"You weren't yourself" How simple he made it seem. _

_"But you were, you could've stopped me"_

_"You wanted to believe it; I wanted you to make it through the night. I wasn't sure how hurt you were"_

_"I'm tough" she repeated the mantra she's always fallen back on, though even to her own ears, it was a weak argument. _

_"So I've heard" he never lacked his wit, did he?_

_"I'm sorry" she said. _

_"Don't be" He had to be saying this so she would feel better. How stupid was she?_

_"You must really think I'm an idiot"_

_"No, I'm just glad you're okay"_

_"What you did-" she started, but she couldn't manage the words to tell him how much closure he'd just given her. _

_"That was nothing"_

_And then she remembered, "When I was kissing Jared, he kissed me back" she was even more confused about her plight. _

_"Yeah, he did. I did" he didn't back down, though he could have. _

_"You kissed me" she had to repeat what she was hearing to actually believe that this was real. _

_"Yeah"_

_"Even though you knew I thought you were Jared"_

_"Yeah" _

_"Why?" she wanted to know. She needed to know. That if he kissed her that meant that she wasn't the only one with a stomach full of butterflies every time they were alone together. That she wasn't the only one dreaming of kissing him again. _

_"I kissed you because there's still something between us. That doesn't make it right. I know everything you've been through. I know it was wrong. I also know I can't lie about it either. I feel something for you. I always have, maybe I always will"_

_And there it was. Everything she'd ever wanted to hear from him. That he had always loved her, that he would always love her. Just like she knew she would always love him. Circumstances always pushed them into the worst possible situations when they figured their feelings out, but why did his confession have to come on the heels of her husband's death, on the cusp of finding her sister, and of course as he and Marty got more serious by the day. But for now, in this cabin on the mountain, even if he wouldn't say the word, she was reminded that just like her heart had never really belonged to Jared, his heart, at least the part he was willing to give, was hers. She looked into his eyes; there was no trace of deceit to be found. And moreover, he had saved her again, in more ways than she could even imagine._

Her eyes flew open. She looked around, unknowing of her surroundings, but somehow knowing it was bad.

"Damn it John" she whispered, "I don't suppose you'll save me this time"

"Unplug everything" Carl demanded.

"Brother, I make the demands around here, not you" Allison reprimanded him.

"Sister, they know about us. They're coming for us"

"Who?"

"I don't know. But they're coming. Soon"

"And how do you know"

"The government just froze all my funds. Somehow, found out where our money was coming from. They know which bank I was using to fund our project. Where we are is the next step. I wouldn't be surprised if they storm us any second"

"Unplug the twins" Allison ordered, "They're not ready. Such a shame all our hard work is gone up in flames"

"And what about Natalie?" Jeffrey said.

"Leave her" Allison said.

"What if the drugs don't work?" Jeffrey asked.

"She's the reason they're coming. When they find her they'll stop looking. It's John McBain, I know it" Allison said.

"And if she tells him our plan?"

"She doesn't know it. Don't worry. I'll take care of her" Allison said, vaguely, "Oversee the removal of the twins to another secure location, gather your things, and then we're out of here" Allison said.

Allison walked downstairs to where Natalie was kept, first gathering a new syringe full of drugs and a letter opener. She opened the door to find Natalie lying down.

"Allison! "She exclaimed, and immediately sat up, "What- How did I and you-"

Allison got closer, "it's poetic really. You tried to kill the Messenger this way" she whispered, "and this is how you die" she said, and stabbed the letter opener into her side, "You said he wouldn't come for you" Allison hissed as Natalie doubled over in pain, "This'll show you to lie to me" she injected the syringe in Natalie's arm and walked away.

"John" Natalie cried out in pain before she was knocked out.


	15. Chapter 15

"We ready men?" Jake asked as the group took their guns out of their holsters and took the safety off. They were right outside the van, precisely one block away from the house.

John had been in this situation more times than he could possibly count. He normally had a routine and stayed calm. And most notably, he had never been scared. Yet at this moment, he didn't know that he had ever been so scared in all his life. The fear seized his heart; it was beating in an overdrive he wasn't sure he'd ever known before. And that gut feeling he'd always rode on, that had led him to lead after lead on every case he'd ever worked was stronger than anything in his recent memory. He knew something was very wrong.

"John?" Jake asked, obviously not for the first time.

"What?"

"What's up man?"

"I just can't shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen" John said.

"Don't think that way" Aaron said, "You remember training, positive energy"

"Keep your head up, man" Nate added.

"Right" John said, trying to dismiss the feeling, "I'm good" he said, and the group began their jog to the house.

"They're coming" Jeffery yelled from the second floor, "Grab the twins and get out. Leave everything behind"

"Out the back" Allison demanded, "We're not going down like this"

Frantically everyone in the house began running for the back exits, the goons trying to figure out who was best to carry Todd and Victor to wherever they would be running to.


	16. Chapter 16

When the team reached the house, they heard the commotion inside, and immediately kicked the door open. The rest of the team followed where the noise was coming from, but something kept John from following them. As they proceeded up half a flight of stairs to the main landing, John noticed the door that was immediately to his right. Somehow, he knew he had to go down there. He kicked the door down, and with his gun drawn in front of him, ran down the flight of stairs to the basement he and Nate had looked over in the blueprints. He assessed the scene, finding no traces of movement, and on his second scan, he saw the cause of the feeling gnawing at his gut.

"Natalie" he managed, though for the life of him he couldn't remember how to breathe.

He could see she had been stabbed, and from what he could tell she was bleeding out. Blood saturated the white gown she was wearing. He took the letter opener out of her side and immediately took his overcoat off, balling it up.

"No, you're not doing this to me" he whispered as he applied pressure to her wound with his overcoat.

He knew he wouldn't be able to find a pulse with the amount of blood that was on the floor, so he held his breath and leaned over her face.

Please, God, please he pleaded. And although the breath was shallow, he heard it.

"Alright, you're breathing. You keep doing that" he said, and looked at his blood covered hands, and back to her face, "I'm going to get you help, Natalie. I'm not going to let you down again" he whispered.

He mustered all the lung capacity he could, and started yelling, "HELP! DOWNSTAIRS! HELP!" He just kept yelling until he heard the footsteps on the stairs.

"John! I thought you were dead! Don't you know better than that?" Jake yelled, and John could hear the footsteps behind him.

"Call 911" John said.

"John" Nate exclaimed, "What the hell?"

John was beyond logic. Every reason he shouldn't be doing what he was doing right now had left his brain when he saw Natalie bleeding on the floor. All that mattered now was getting her help.

"Call 911" he repeated.

"John, they're running. Aaron and Josh are already going after them, we don't have time"

"Call 911" John said again, "Tell them we need an ambulance now"

John looked at Natalie's face again. She looked so content, like she did when she was sleeping. If all his energy wasn't going into putting pressure on her wound, he could have pretended she was safe and just sleeping.

All of a sudden, John felt arms forcing him to his feet.

"Snap out of it, John" Jake said, yelling in his face, "We've been chasing these guys for almost six months, and now they're escaping because of you"

"She's bleeding out. She needs medical assistance" John yelled right back, "So you need to call 911 while I try and stop the bleeding"

"We can't call an ambulance, you know the procedure, we're going to tip off any allies they have in the surrounding-"

John shoved him away, "You listen to me. I don't care if the whole fucking country is outside that door. She's getting in an ambulance. I can't lose her again"

Unnoticed by the other two, Nate gasped in understanding, and stole a look at the woman bleeding out onto the floor. This was the woman John had told him about, the one he'd lost, that he loved more than anything. And suddenly, Nate understood. If Sara was on death's door, nothing could stop him from making sure she would live.

"John, get a hold of yourself"

"No" he exclaimed, "I won't let her die. So you call 911 or I will, and she'll bleed out even more"

"Do you know what the consequences are?"

"If you think I care more about the consequences than-"

"Jake!" they heard yelling from what sounded like the front yard.

Immediately, Jake took off, yelling after him, "You better follow me, man"

Before John could make another move, Nate whipped out his phone.

"I'm calling" Nate told him, "Put pressure on the wound" he told John, already dialing.

John was immediately back on his knees, exerting as much pressure as he could. He listened to Nate make the call, and he thanked God.

"They're on the way" Nate told John.

"Thank you"

"Consider it a favor repaid" Nate said, "Take care of her. Don't let her go" he said, and then followed Jake up the stairs.

"God, Natalie" he said, and for the first time noticed that her hair had been done up, but yet it was oily. She had been here for some time. She was one of the prisoners they had suspected was in the house, in this basement, "If I had known you were here, I would have come sooner. If I had only worked harder-"

The cult of people in the house had run out the backdoor, and the FBI had followed them around the front of the house. When Jake and Aaron joined them, they had the two goons that had been carrying the two unconscious men. Jake saw the three leaders still running, and he and Nate immediately took off. Nate got within an arm's distance of the youngest and grabbed for the man's arm. He was knocked off balance and fell to the ground, where Nate made sure he stayed. Jake ran ahead to the older leaders, and managed to catch the both of them. Once the three were secured in cuffs, they started the walk back to the FBI van.

"What happened to John?" Josh asked once they were on their way to the hospital to get the two unconscious men checked up on.

Jake and Nate looked at each other.

"John ran into a dilemma" Jake answered, and they watched the ambulance go whizzing past them.


	17. Chapter 17

"God, Natalie" John whispered, "There's so much blood. How long have you been stuck like this?" he questioned, "and I was right here. I should've known. I knew something was wrong" he said, "I'm sorry Natalie" he said, "I'm sorry about everything. This is all my fault" he whispered, "I'm not going to let you down again. If you give me the chance, I promise I'll come through" he told her, "Who am I kidding? You hate me. When you open your eyes again, you'll tell me to get lost, and I don't blame you. I've blown every chance you ever gave me. Would it make a difference if I told you I'd finally learned my lesson? That I know I love you now. You're the only one I've ever loved"

"Paramedics" John heard yelled upstairs.

"We're down here" John yelled back, "you hear that? The paramedics are here. You're going to be okay" he said, "you're going to be okay" he said again, and he knew he was only saying it for his benefit, but he felt better about it.

"What happened?" the paramedics asked, as they began prepping for moving her.  
"John McBain, FBI" he said, and he let the paramedics take his spot, "I found her with a stab wound, there's no telling how long she's been like this" he said, "I used my jacket to keep pressure on the wound, but I couldn't stop the bleeding"

"Alright, we've got it from here" the paramedics said, and they moved her to the backboard.

"She's lost a lot of blood, let's get her to the hospital" one the guys said.

"She needs immediate attention" the other one agreed, "Let's move her" and the three guys lifted her onto the backboard.

"I'm coming in the ambulance" John told them, and began following them out.

They hadn't been in the ambulance for thirty seconds when John's heart dropped. The paramedics had secluded him to a corner to stay out of the way, but that didn't stop him from hearing every word they said.

"HR's dropping"

"She doesn't have enough blood to pump"

"She's lost a lot of blood. We need to get her a donation, stat"

"I'd guess she's lost three pints. She loses anymore; we're skating on thin ice"

"I got the bleeding to stop"

"We still need blood"

"Do we have a blood type?"

"A positive" John told them.

"You're sure?" a medic asked him.

"I'm sure" he said.

"Radio ahead; tell them we need two pints of A positive"

"There's no telling how long we'll wait for that"

"Our best bet is to radio ahead and hope they can wrangle it before we get there"

"Our blood blank's running on fumes as it is, no way we can get two pints for one vic"

John closed his eyes. Natalie needed that blood. There was no way she could live without a donation. And then he remembered what Natalie told him just before their first wedding. Since it had been so rushed, they didn't have time to do the mandatory blood test, but since they were both in law enforcement and she had a forensics certification, the judge let them slide, and Natalie had wanted him to know what to do if the worst ever happened. Just like Natalie to cover all the bases, never knowing how important it always became.

"Take my blood" John said, "Draw it from me"

"Sir-" one of the paramedics said, "It doesn't work that way"

"I'm O positive. I'm a fed; I have to know my blood type. I'm a universal donor, I can give to her"

"This is against procedure-"

"I don't give a shit" John yelled, "I'm not going to go off of a chance that there'll be enough in a bank that doesn't exist. If I can save her, I'm going to do it"

"But-"

"You said yourself she needed the donation, you said there wasn't enough blood. Let me do this. Let me save her" John pleaded.

"Even if we could, we need twice what you can safely donate"

"Take it" John said, and began rolling up his sleeve.

"We can't, it's not safe for you"

"I think it's safer than her dying" he said, "now take it"

"We have to consider your health-"

"I don't care. I'll sign whatever you want, just takes it so we can make sure she's okay" he said.

The paramedics looked at each other, and then the one John had argued with grabbed a needle and hooked up to a baggie, "We'll take it now, prep her for the transfusion, let's be ready by the time we get there"

John sat back down, ready to have the needle stuck up his arm.

"I have to warn you you're doing this against medical advice. You're going to feel a little dizzy afterwards. When we get to the hospital, you have to eat and drink something"

"Yeah" John agreed, "Is she going to be okay?"

"Thanks to you" he said.


	18. Chapter 18

"We can't discern what drugs are in their system" the doctors told the FBI agents gathered in a clump, "there were simply too many"

"So what can we do now?" Jake asked.

"We might be able to get a better handle on it when they wake up, but until then, not much"

"Alright, thanks" Jake said.

"Now what?"

"We go with Nate to the local PD and question them" Jake said, "Hopefully, we can get the answers out of them"

"And John?" Aaron said.

"He has enough on his plate" Jake said.

They had rushed Natalie into the OR to get the transfusion, but before John could follow, he'd been forced to sit and eat something, and he was awaiting word that the transfusion had gone successfully. Some nurses had given him a new shirt to change into, saying they didn't want him in their ER dripping blood. If only this was the first time he'd dealt with a situation like this, if only life didn't throw the two of them into such awful circumstances all the time, if only he didn't walk away, none of this would be happening right now.

"Agent McBain?" a doctor asked.

"Yeah? How is she?" he asked.

"Have you eaten?"

"It was all but forced down my throat, now tell me she's going to be okay" John asked. He knew he probably sounded crazy or desperate, or both, but in truth he was, and he never did well with waiting.

"The transfusion went well. She's still unconscious"

"When will she wake up?"

"If we can assume that she lost consciousness because of blood loss, she'll be waking up soon. But we don't know that for sure"

"I found her out cold"

"And we don't know if that's because of blood loss or something else. If she's not awake by this time tomorrow, we'll start trying to figure out what else went wrong"

"Can I see her?"

For a second, he thought the doctor was going to tell him no, he wasn't family, and he didn't have the right. While that was true, he was also the only person she had right now, even if she hated him.

"Yeah, you can see her" the doctor said and showed him to her room.

They had rushed Natalie into the OR to get the transfusion, but before John could follow, he'd been forced to sit and eat something, and he was awaiting word that the transfusion had gone successfully. Some nurses had given him a new shirt to change into, saying they didn't want him in their ER dripping blood. If only this was the first time he'd dealt with a situation like this, if only life didn't throw the two of them into such awful circumstances all the time, if only he didn't walk away, none of this would be happening right now.

"Agent McBain?" a doctor asked.

"Yeah? How is she?" he asked.

"Have you eaten?"

"It was all but forced down my throat, now tell me she's going to be okay" John asked. He knew he probably sounded crazy or desperate, or both, but in truth he was, and he never did well with waiting.

"The transfusion went well. She's still unconscious"

"When will she wake up?"

"If we can assume that she lost consciousness because of blood loss, she'll be waking up soon. But we don't know that for sure"

"I found her out cold"

"And we don't know if that's because of blood loss or something else. If she's not awake by this time tomorrow, we'll start trying to figure out what else went wrong"

"Can I see her?"

For a second, he thought the doctor was going to tell him no, he wasn't family, and he didn't have the right. While that was true, he was also the only person she had right now, even if she hated him.

"Yeah, you can see her" the doctor said and showed him to her room.


	19. Chapter 19

He hated to pull himself away from Natalie, even if she wouldn't know. But, it was morning in Llanview, and John could guess the town had been torn upside down looking for her. He didn't know what had happened to Liam in the time she'd been stuck with Allison, but he knew there were enough people in Llanview that cared about him and wouldn't let him be left all alone in the world. He pulled out his phone and called the one person left in town that just might pick up for him.

"Buchanan" he answered.

"Bo, don't hang up" he started, "It's me"

"John" Bo said, "Thank God. Are you back from- wherever they had you stashed?"

"What?"

"I've been trying to reach you for over a week" he said, "I need your help. Natalie's missing"

John could hear the frustration in his friend's voice. This had been no easy ride for Bo, so John could guess she'd been missing for a while.

"I know. I found her" John told him.

"Where?"

"Well, since we caught them-" John justified, "I'm on assignment in Guam. We raided a house yesterday, and Natalie was unconscious and bleeding out by herself"

"By herself?"

"Well, I never saw the other inhabitants; the other guys on my team took care of all that. In fact, I don't even know what went down, I found her before anything else even happened"

"Is she okay?"

"She's not out of the woods yet, she's still out, but the doctors think she'll make a full recovery"

"Thank God" he said, and John could imagine the relief Bo felt.

"I'll call you when she wakes up. I'd call her parents, but I don't think-"

"Clint didn't know I was reaching out to you, or trying to anyway"

"I never got a call. I would've taken it, you know that"

"I got screened" Bo said.

"Right" John said, "I forgot about that. If I could have-"

"I know" Bo said, "and I know it's complicated between you two right now, but-"

"I'm not about to let her fend for herself" John told him, "I'm not going anywhere. And call Balsom off right after the APB"

"Yeah. Alright. Call with updates"

"I will"

Bo hung up the phone and took his first deep breath in what must have been over ten days. Natalie was going to be alright. And possibly, John and Natalie would have time to talk through everything, and just maybe, Bo would get his best detective back. But before he could even worry about that, he called the APB off, he called Balsom off, and finally, he called Viki.

"Hello" she answered.

"Hi Viki" Bo said.

"Bo?" she answered, "Is there news? You almost sound-"

"Alive?" he answered, "Yeah, I just got a phone call, got the life breathed back into me"

"Bo, don't build my hopes up-"

"We found Natalie" Bo said.

"Where is she? Is she coming home?"

"She's in Guam, and she's with John"

"I didn't know he was looking for her"

"He wasn't. Found her while he was on assignment"

"Oh thank God" Viki breathed.

"Those were my exact words"

"And he's going to make sure she's okay?"

"Apparently, she's not awake yet, but she's okay. And you know John"

"Okay. Will you keep me updated?"

"Of course" Bo said, "But Viki-"

"Yeah?"

"I would just be careful of" he paused, "who you share this information with"

"Right. Clint" she said, "I'll take care of it"

"Let me know if you need any back up"

"Thank you, Bo. For everything" she said, hanging up.


	20. Chapter 20

"News?" she heard Clint ask from behind her.

"Yes" Viki said.

"And?"

"And they found Natalie" Viki said.

"They did?" Clint asked in amazement.

"Yes"

"Well? Details?"

"I can't tell you those. Only that she's been found, and she's okay"

"You mean Bo doesn't have anything more?"

"No he does, but apparently it's linked to a much larger case so we can't know the details. But she's okay, Clint. Our daughter's okay"

"Thank God for that" he said, "I suppose we shouldn't be surprised since Allison's involved"

"Yeah" she said, "I'm sure that's it"

"Alright, Natalie" he said, "You gotta wake up now" John said, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed and holding her hand, "Cuz if you don't I'm just gonna stay here and hold your hand. And who's gonna yell at me, huh?" he said, "I want to yell at me, wake up and tell I'm no good. Just so I know you're okay" he whispered, "I need you to be okay. We've been through this far too many times to go out like this. Show everyone they're wrong. Wake up" he pleaded.

"J_ohn" she cried out in pain, "You can't. You can't keep your hand there. You can't hold my life in your hands"_

_"I can" he assured her, "I am"_

_John applied all the pressure he could to her leg, a vain attempt to stop the bleeding. He could hear the pain in her voice, and it hurt him to know that she was so hurt, and the only thing he could do was increase her pain to keep her alive. He really would have done anything in that moment to keep her alive, but all he could do was keep applying pressure and wait for the ambulance that might not even come._

_"Please don't let me die, John" she begged._

_John looked at her. He could see the pleading in her eyes. His heart swelled for her. Natalie would ask, demand, yell, and fight. But this was the first time he'd ever seen her beg, and he vowed it would be the last. He had never seen her so scared, and the thought scared him, but he'd never let her know that. Instead, he put on his most convincing face._

_"I don't have any plans to"_

_"Bo" he yelled, "She's alive, she's breathing" he managed to say through his rapid breathing._

_He couldn't get a deep breath. He couldn't believe she had survived something so terrible. Yet, this was Natalie, who'd proven him wrong more times than he'd care to admit. He took her hand._

_"Hang in there" he whispered to her._

_If she could make it this far, she could make it to the hospital. He heard what Bo said, but all he cared was that they were getting Natalie medical attention._

_"We're getting you out of here" he told her, and just kept saying it, in the hope that she would hear him and know he was there and that he would make sure she was okay._

_He strapped her into the backboard, all the while praying there was nothing wrong, and thanking God she was okay. And once she was up, he leaned against the wall of the pit and took his first deep breath in over a month. He felt all the muscles in his body relax. He didn't have to worry anymore. She was going to be okay. She was going to live, and he was going to have the chance to tell her everything. He closed his eyes for a second, took another deep breath, and heard the paramedics taking care of her, Bo saying they were sending the seat down. When he opened his eyes, he realized all this was real. It was over. And as soon as she woke up, he would make sure she never doubted his feelings again._

John pushed her hair out of her face, running his hands through it again. He missed that feeling. He kissed her hand, like he had that night in the pit. Not for the first time, he wondered what would have been different if he had just told her he loved her the second she woke up that day. It wasn't as though either of them doubted it. By that point, they both knew their feelings for each other, even though they remained unspoken.

"Eight years, Natalie. Eight years ago you put me in this spot. I feel like I never left this spot" he said, "You woke up for me, because I made you angry enough to keep fighting. I know you're angry at me now, so fight it now, too, Natalie" he pleaded with her, "fight me. I'll fight you back. I'll tell you everything. I'll tell you I love you, that I always will. I'll fight to get you back. I'll give you the fight you want, but you gotta wake up" he was not above begging.

It had been hours since they got here, and she hadn't woken up yet. With every hour that passed, John knew his odds of seeing her beautiful eyes again were diminishing. He would resort to anything to make her angry enough to wake up.

"Fine. You want hear the whole story?" he asked, getting angry, in the hopes that she'd wake up, "I kissed her. I kissed Sam. I was drunk, and I was lonely, and I knew you were in London and too far away. I told her it was a mistake, and that I wasn't going to go any further. And then I got that letter, you broke my heart Natalie. I would have slept with her then, and I almost did. If it hadn't been for her husband, and for you. I wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't. And I gave up. There was nothing left for me. I took a rank and file job at the PCPD to pay a lawyer to earn visitation rights. And when that failed, I met this kid, he needed a parent, and I was going to adopt him. If I couldn't have my son-" he paused, remembering how helpless he was during that time, "and Sam was there when I got told I couldn't- and I almost slept with her again. I'd never felt so alone, Natalie. I just wanted someone to care about me. So when she put the brakes on, and Anna told me about the FBI, I thought it was a blessing in disguise" he said, "So, despite what everyone else has told you, I didn't technically cheat on you. But I almost did a few times, but- what I did wrong was leave you. Was put a case ahead of you again. After I swore up and down to you I'd never do that again. And I'm sorry, and I'm sorry for everything that happened because of it" he said, "but more than anything, I just want you to know that I'll always love you. No matter what. It's been over a year and I can't get you out of my head. I think of you every day. I miss Liam every day. If you give me a chance, I swear I'll do right by you"

Still no change. What else could he do? Nothing could make her angrier. He kissed her hand again, placing it against his face. He could remember the way her hands used to touch him, and how right her hand felt in his.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone move. He looked towards the corner, finding his father. He hadn't talked to his dad in years, and yet he was unsurprised.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"She's not out of the woods yet" he said.

"You screwed up, son"

"Big time" he agreed, "what do I do dad?"

"You've been fighting your battles without me for some time. Why do you think you need me now?"

"I used fight my battles with her in my corner. That was all I needed" he said, "She's not in my corner anymore"

"Do you know you've loved her for almost ten years?"

"Ten?" he asked.

"Don't tell me it didn't start the second you met her. Maybe you two didn't know it at the time, but looking back, you should know now it was love"

"She used to hate me back then"

"It's a thin line" his father said.

"I love her, dad"

"I know, son. You belong with each other"

"How do I convince her?" he asked.

"You could tell her you love her"

"I don't know if that'll fix it"

"Does that mean you're not going to tell her?"

"Of course I'll tell her" he said, "as soon as she wakes up, it'll be the first thing I do"

"And then what?" he said.

"She tells me she hates me" John said.

"You're not going to back down that easily, son, now are you?" he said, "If I backed down every time your mother said she hated me before

you were born- you probably never would have been born"

"I can't fight if she's unconscious"

"So what happens when she wakes up?" he asked.

"I don't know, Dad" he said.

"You know, every girl wants to be treated like a princess" he said.

He looked at Natalie for a moment. She was a princess in her own way, with a hell of a story behind it. From rags to riches, a real life Cinderella story. But what did that have to do with anything?

"What's that supposed to mean?" John asked his father.

His dad was gone. John sighed.


	21. Chapter 21

Nearly thirty-six hours after arriving at the hospital, and Natalie still hadn't woken up. John still puzzled over what his dad said. He couldn't do anything to prove himself to her until she was awake again. He willed her eyes to open, and admired her beautiful face. John always found her beautiful, but he always thought she was exceptionally beautiful when she was sleeping. He used to watch her sleep for hours, the simple rise and fall of her chest and the look of absolute peace on her face. When they had been together, he took every chance to fall asleep next to her, and watching her wake up was another secret pleasure.

Her eyes fluttered and her head moved just a little.

Every girl wants to be treated like a princess.

All of a sudden, he knew what he had to do. It wouldn't be the first time he'd waken her up with true love's kiss. Not that he was even close to a prince, but Natalie would always be a princess.

Gently, he leaned down and kissed her lips. He felt her lips move against his, and he pulled back, bracing himself for whatever was coming next. He watched her eyes open. Slowly, she realized he was there. For a second, they just stared at each other, blue to blue. After that second, John recognized the look in her eyes. It was that look that drove him crazy, that always had him at her will in a matter of seconds. It was the look in her eyes that just made him kiss her. Slowly, they got closer to each other, and his lips hovered above hers. He hesitated, just a second to see what she would do. Her breath hitched in anticipation, and his heart skipped a beat in reaction. He kissed her, and immediately, her mouth opened wide for him, inviting his tongue to mate with hers. He took advantage of the situation, and kissed her like he'd only been able to dream of for far too long. When she backed out to breathe, he pet her hair down, and they looked into each other's eyes again.

He had been telling himself for over twelve hours that as soon as she woke up, he'd tell her he loved her. But the fact that she was so quiet was scaring him a little. Natalie was never this quiet. He hated to break the comfortable silence between them, but he had to know.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Of course I'm okay" she said, smiling, "Now kiss me again"

Even though nothing about her answer made any sense, and even though he had a million questions, he couldn't help himself. Every question he wanted to ask, everything he wanted to say was forgotten in that moment. He cradled her head in one hand and leaned down to kiss her. Her hands dug into his hair to bring him closer to her, and he held her flush against him, an arm banded around her middle, the other going up her back to cradle her head. His hand tangled in her hair, and the feeling of that silk around his fingers brought back all his favorite memories of kissing her. He was in heaven for those few minutes as their tongues mated for the first time in over a year. Kissing her again was his dreams come true, and he wondered if he would ever be able to settle for dreaming about this again. They came up for air, but neither moved from their hold on each other, and he was glad she wasn't backing away from him.

"I love you" he said softly, unable to speak any louder for fear the moment would slip away from him.

Her face lit up, her million watt smile warming his heart. Before she could doubt him he told her, "I mean it. I love you, Natalie. I always will"

"I love you, too" she said, and went to kiss him.

But before he was about to get lost in her kiss again, he really had to know she was okay. He interrupted her after her lips met his.

"Hold your horses" he said, teasing, and fixing her hair, "How are you feeling?"

"Never been better" she said, smiling, "But why am I in the hospital?" she asked.

"That's what we're trying to figure out" he said, "What's the last thing you remember?" he asked, pushing her hair back.

She looked down for a second, trying to remember, and then she looked back at him, "You almost gave me a heart attack" she started, "you went to dive for the gun, and it came back with Spencer's prints on it. You arrested him" she said, "and after all the dust settled, you took me home"

_"Rest easy, Truman. You got a long trial ahead of you"_

_"You have nothing on me" he scoffed at him._

_"Yeah. That's why you're in here" John said, "Your time's come, Truman. You're going to pay for what you've done"_

_"And what about you? Seeing me in here isn't going to give you what you want"_

_"I thought about that a lot" he answered, "now that you're in here, I'm glad to know I was wrong" he said, locking the door._

_"So now what? You stick it to me and live happily ever after with that distraction you call a girlfriend? You're not capable. You can't settle down, that trash won't ever be enough for you"_

_John locked the door, and leaned into the cell, "watch me" he challenged, "I don't have to stick it to you, you've done this to yourself" he told him, "and I'm only going to tell you this once. You don't talk about Natalie like that" he said, "and if I hear you say something like that about her again, it won't be the law you have to worry about"_

_"I didn't know you cared" he mocked._

_"I'll see you in court"_

_John walked away, leaving Truman behind. He had actually kind of shocked himself at how quickly and simply it seemed to jump to Natalie's defense, and yet he didn't think he had ever done that before. He remembered how scared she looked while he was diving for that gun, but when he came up for the last time, he realized she must have really cared about him to be so worried. With each step he took, he felt the burden he'd been carrying all his life lighten and lighten, he felt himself become freer, and for the first time he could remember, he felt himself being happy. When he reached the top of the stairs, he looked back down. Every day since he'd started this case, all he'd wanted was to get Truman behind a cell and watch him rot. Now that he was there, the only thing he wanted to do was spend some time with Natalie. He headed towards the squad room, hopeful he could keep business to a minimum for the night._

_He dealt with Blair, Todd and Paige, telling them his case was solid and he'd be going away for sure. When the three of them left, Hugh shook his hand._

_"Great work, John" he said._

_"Thanks for everything" John said._

_"Well, my job's not over yet. Trial's coming up" he said._

_"I have no doubt in my mind you're going to go after him with all you got" John said._

_"I'll talk to you tomorrow? So we can start building the case" Hugh said._

_John paused momentarily, "Actually, I have tomorrow off" he said._

_"John I've known you for close to a year, you've never taken a day off, even the ones you have off"_

_John looked away for a second, sneaking a glance at Natalie, "I'm going to spend the day with Natalie"_

_Hugh smiled, "Now that, I understand" he said._

_"My phone'll be on if you need anything" John said._

_"Congratulations" he said, "I'll talk to you soon" he said._

_John saw Bo in the corner, and headed over. Bo extended his hand._

_"A job well done, detective" he said, "Congratulations, John"_

_"Thanks Bo, everything you did, I can't-"_

_"I would do it all again" he said, "We all had to put a lot on the line for this, I'm no different"_

_"Thanks, Bo" he said, "For everything"_

_"Your dad would be proud of you, you know" he said, "And I'm proud of you" he said._

_"Well, I'm not too sure about my old man, but I'm working on it" he said, "That means a lot"_

_"Well, I'd love to take you out for a beer, but I know I'm not the one you want to celebrate with. I'll settle for a rain check"_

_"Absolutely"_

_"Tomorrow's your day off. Take it" he said._

_"You don't have to tell me twice" John said, "I'll talk to you later" he said._

_He finally turned towards Natalie at her desk._

_"Congratulations" she said, smiling that beautiful smile._

_"Thanks" he said, "You look pretty" he said, and kissed the side of her face, he watched her face light up even more and he sat on the edge of her desk._

_"How are you?" she said._

_"To be honest, I've never felt better" he said, and took her hand, "Bo was right. We all had to put a lot on the line for this, and you're no different" he said, "thank you, for all you did, I couldn't have done it without you"_

_"John-"_

_"For a lot of reasons, Natalie. I need you for a lot of reasons"_

_"That means a lot, John" she said._

_"And- I'm sorry I worried you tonight. I saw your face when I came up from the water, and I don't ever want you to have to feel that way again"_

_"You did what you had to do" she said, "I just- I worry, you know? You had no light, and it was dark-"_

_"Well, I know I've given you enough reasons to worry, guess I just realized it for the first time, you might be the first person who's ever worried about me, or cared that I'd be back at the end of the night" he said, "and I- I haven't done anything to return that, and I haven't been anything for you, or been there for you like I promised I would, and I just want you to know, I'm working on changing all that"_

_"You don't have to change for me"_

_He wanted to kiss her again. He couldn't count the number of instances that he'd given her to be angry, and she was always so willing to accept him no matter what he did._

_"No, you deserve a far better boyfriend than what I've offered you. You deserve everything, and I'm going to try to make you happy"_

_"You don't have to try to do that" she said, smiling._

_"I know it's late, too late to go out anywhere, but I was hoping you'd celebrate with me. I have a six pack at my place"_

_"I'd love to" she said._

_"C'mon" he said, "I'll drive"_

_He let her hand drop, and put his hand on the small of her back as the two of them headed out of the station._

_Once they'd gotten comfortable at his place, they'd settled in on the couch, unwound over a six pack as they normally did. Yet John felt as if this was the first time he had ever let himself fully relax, and every time Natalie smiled at him, he felt his heart grow just a little more for her. Had he really overlooked how wonderful she was all this time? They talked about everything, the case, her classes, where they were headed, what was in store for the two of them together. He was surprised that he didn't want to change the topic, he didn't avoid it, and more than anything, he was happy that she wanted a future with him as much as he wanted one with her._

_"So, uh, word on the street is you have a day off tomorrow" John said, moving his hand to her thigh, which rested on top of his legs._

_"You know I do. And I happen to know that you have a day off too" she said._

_"Long weekend" he said, "Just the two of us. That's practically a vacation" he said, stretching his arm across her shoulders._

_"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're putting moves on me" she said, noting his arms around her shoulder._

_"What gave me away?" he joked._

_"So what do you want to do on your vacation?" she asked, as his face came closer to hers._

_He smiled and raised his eyebrows suggestively, "You" he said, and captured her mouth with his in a deep, passionate kiss that ignited both their passion._

_"All weekend?" Natalie inquired._

_"All weekend" he responded, and went to kiss her again._

_When they came up for air again, Natalie released her grip on his shirt, and rested her hands on his chest, "Well, I hate to be the one to tell you, but we can't stay in bed all weekend"_

_"And why's that?" he asked, taking her hand and kissing it._

_"Because" she started, intrigued that he started kissing up her arm. He'd never tried so hard, and she thought she'd make him work for it, "My test's on Monday. I have to study"_

_"I'll help you study" he said, kissing the sensitive skin on the soft of her hand, and continuing his way up her arm._

_"Oh really? What do you know about forensics?" she asked, smiling._

_He kissed her forearm, "I know lots" he kissed her arm, "isn't it mostly on human anatomy?" he kissed her arm again, "I know a lot of things about anatomy" he kissed her arm again._

_"Oh, I bet you do" she said, and he kissed her again. When she came up for air, she didn't move, "So that's how you want to spend your vacation?"_

_"Looks like paradise to me" he said, and went to kiss her again._

_She didn't let the kiss get too far, "Oh you're good" she said._

_"Oh I'm good?" he questioned, then went to her neck._

_"yeah, you're good" she said, and then she felt him nuzzling her neck, and she started to feel her blood flow a little faster through her whole body, "Oh, you're really good" she said, and they both heard the change in her voice from normal to lust._

_John moaned as he nuzzled her neck. He was intoxicated with her scent. Then he nuzzled on that spot at the base of her neck that always made her moan._

_"John" she moaned, and he felt her moan go straight to his groin. He continued to nuzzle on that spot, and he pushed her thigh down onto his lap so she could feel how much he wanted her. She let out another load moan, and he kissed her again. She dug her hands into his hair to force him closer, and they both knew the playing was over, they wanted each other. He slid his arm under her knees and without ever breaking their kiss, picked her up and brought them to the bedroom, lying down on top of her when they reached the bed. _  
_They had made love for hours, and in all the time they had been together, John felt like this was the first time he had ever given himself completely. For the first time possibly in his entire life, his brain had been completely shut off and he had never felt so free and Natalie had never made him feel so alive before._

_"Nata-" he started to whisper, but saw that she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He smiled at her sleeping figure. There had been so many times over the last few months where he'd come home to find her already asleep or left before she woke up, and every one of those times, he'd swear to himself it'd be the last. Now, though, he knew he was ready to make good on those promises. He would finally be the man that was good enough for her. He wanted it all with her, and if he had his way, the life they both wanted would start soon. He picked up her hand and kissed it. Soon, he thought, soon this hand will show everyone what you mean to me. He held her hand and looked at her beautiful face again. He kissed her head, and with his other hand caressed her hair. Looking at her now, he didn't know how he ever found the will to leave her asleep for his job. He saw everything he could ever want in her sleeping face._

_And as he looked at her, he had no more doubts about what he wanted. The words he had spent years fighting and ignoring and flat out avoiding now didn't seem so scary. And even though she was sleeping and wouldn't hear him, he wanted to say it out loud._

_"I love you" he whispered to her sleeping figure, "and you know what else? It doesn't scare me. Not anymore" he kissed her head, "and nothing's ever gonna keep me from you again"_

_He kissed her head one more time, and he fell asleep happy, still holding her hand._


	22. Chapter 22

"That's the last thing you remember?" he asked, and tried to keep his face from showing his concern.

"Yeah" she said, "but why am I here? Did we, did we get into a crash on the way home?"

"No, no we didn't. You're not hurt" he said.

"John?" she asked.

He could tell she was scared, or at least as scared as Natalie got. For all she knew, they were two days away from being engaged, had that week gone as planned. She believed with her whole heart that they loved each other. She didn't know that only one day after her memory left off, her whole world would collapse around her, or that she would spend months believing he had died in a freak accident, or that even when it seemed life had given them another chance, he would make her life hell-like enough that she would leave him, or that she'd marry someone else, or that they would eventually find their way back to each other and eventually have a son. She still believed there was hope for them.  
Even though he knew it was wrong, even though every bone in him screamed at him for even thinking it, and even though he was so concerned for her health, he couldn't stop himself. He kissed her like he had kissed her that night, like she was the only thing that mattered, and like he was ready to make good on it. When she opened her mouth wide for him, he couldn't stop himself; he grabbed her hair, and kissed her as deeply as he could. When his brain finally came through, he stopped.

"Not that I mind, but that's not exactly typical John McBain behavior" she teased.

"I'm just, I'm really glad you woke up"

"Did I worry you?" she asked, placing a hand on his face.

He kissed her hand, "I'm just glad you're okay. You're awake now" he said, "I want the doctor to see you, okay?"

"Can it be Michael?" she asked.

"Oh" he paused, "We're not in Llanview" he answered, "I'll explain later, okay? I want you to get checked out"

"You'll be here?"

"I'll be right outside" he promised.

He kissed her head, and went to grab a doctor.

"She's awake?" the doctor asked as soon as John came up to the desk.

"How'd you know?"

"You haven't left her side once since I let you in to see her" he said, and grabbed her chart.

"Something's wrong" he said.

"She's awake. That's a good sign"

"Her last memory is seven years ago" he said.

"Alright. I'll check her out"

"Do you think it's-"

"I won't know until I check her out" the doctor said, as they stood outside her door.

"Right, of course" John said.

John was about to follow him into the room, when he turned again.

"Privacy, Agent McBain" he said.

"Sorry" he said, and stayed outside the door, watching through the window

***************************************************************************************8

"Am I okay?" Natalie asked the doctor, after the preliminary checkup.

"Well, you're healthy" the doctor asked, and felt her head for bumps, finding none, "Can you tell me the year?"

"2006"

"And where you are?"

"I don't know"

"What's your name?"

"Natalie Vega Buchanan"

"Well Ms. Buchanan, you're in Guam and its 2013" he said, "You don't show any signs of a concussion, so your memory loss is unexplained for now"

"2013?" she asked.

"Yes. I'll talk to Agent McBain and see if we can narrow down the causes"

Agent? She thought. He hadn't gone by agent in years. Or so she thought.

"Well?" John asked the second the doctor came out of the door.

"No signs of a concussion or head trauma"

"So what does that mean?"

"That means we can't determine how the memory loss happened" he said, "Do you know of anything that could have on-set it"

"I told you, when I found her, she was already out" he said, "I don't know what happened before I got there, and if-"

"McBain" he heard behind him.

He closed his eyes, "Shit" he muttered.

"I'm guessing you need to deal with them. I'll be at the information desk when it's over" the doctor said, leaving.

"John" Jake said.

"Guys, this is not the time" he said.

"We need to talk"

"Now?" he asked, "she needs me"

"Well, last we checked you're still on the team, so you're going to have to hear us out" Jake said, "Believe me, after the way you left us high and dry and then had Nate call an ambulance, we don't want to have to need you"

"I'm flattered" John said.

"We have the three cons in holding, and their two prisoners are out cold in ICU, and well, she's the third"

"And where I come into this?"

"She's awake?" Aaron noted.

"You can't question her" John stated defensively.

"We'll deal with that later" Jake said.

"You're not going to question her" John repeated.

"John, you need to focus on the job" Jake said, "One of the cons insisted you knew where she was going to be, that her demise is all your fault. And then she spoke about the Messenger and-"

"The Messenger?" John asked, and they all saw his face. His concern wasn't a secret.

"So you do know something"

"What's her name?"

"Allison Perkins"

John turned back to look at Natalie. Allison Perkins had held her prisoner in that house while he was trying to figure out the best way to get in. He knew the memory loss must have been caused by some drugs that Allison had shot her up with. He had never followed up with Statesville to make sure she had been caught and locked away again. This was all his fault.

"Where is she?"

"In holding with the other two at the PD" Nate answered.

"That's not good enough" John said, "She needs to be in solitary confinement, preferably in a padded cell and a strait jacket. This woman's certifiable"

"What about the other two? Carl and Jeffrey"

"I've never heard of them. That doesn't mean they're not dangerous" he said, "Allison took over this cult when her leader, 'The Messenger', died. They brainwash their followers. They're capable of anything. Lock Allison in a separate cell and put a guard on her 24/7" he said.

"How do you know all this?"

"It's complicated" John said, and then had a thought, "What about the other two hostages?"

"Still out. We don't have an ID"  
John looked back to Natalie. He didn't want to leave her, but he knew he was likely the only one who'd be able to identify the victims. He motioned to her he'd be right back, and she nodded, though her eyes told different story.

"Show me the vics" he said, and the team led him. When he saw them, he was surprised. After all, one of them was supposed to be dead,

"That's Todd Manning and Victor Lord, Jr." John said, "Victor's supposedly dead for about a year now" he said.

"So what do you think we should do?"

"There's more than enough counts to get Allison and her cohorts" he said, "They've been going at this for a long time" he said, "Keep me updated" he said, and walked back to the doctor's desk.

"John, you can't-" Jake started, but John wasn't turning around.

"It's Natalie" Nate said.

"What?"

"That woman, the one he found and wouldn't leave her side. It's Natalie" Nate said.

"His Natalie?" Aaron asked.

"The one and only" Nate said.

"Jake, let him go" Josh said, "We can do this without him"


	23. Chapter 23

"Agent" the doctor greeted him.

"It has to be drugs" John told him.

"What?"

"The memory loss. I'm betting it's a side effect or something" he said, "The person who was holding her would have no qualms about drugging her"

"We'll have to take a blood sample" the doctor said, grabbing his clipboard.

"Is that safe? She just had a transfusion"

"And she took to it extremely well" the doctor said, "There's no reason not to pursue treating the memory loss"

"Alright" John said.

"I'll send a nurse over" he said.

John headed into her room, knowing she was going to have questions, and not knowing how he was going to answer them. She was looking down at her hands when he came in, no doubt trying to figure why she couldn't remember seven years of her life. She looked up when the door opened.

"You look pretty" he told her.

"I guess some things are still the same" she said, and John sat down and held her hand.

"I'm here okay? You're going to be fine" he told her, "the doctor thinks he has it figured out, he's gonna send a nurse to draw some blood, and we're gonna figure this out"

"But John, I'm missing seven years of my life" she said "I could be married, I could have a kid, I-" and she saw John look away.

"Oh my God" she said, "I'm married?"

"Well, you were"

"To you?"

"No, almost, but no. We never got married"

"Then who?"

"His name was Jared, he died a few years ago" he said, and waited for the next question he knew would come.

"I have a kid, too. Don't I?" she asked.

"Yeah" he said, "you have a kid"

"And? I want to know- boy or girl? What's the name? How old are they?"

"His name's Liam, he's two"

"Is he okay?"

"He's okay; he's with your parents"

She looked down, unsure of how to ask this question, "Is he-"

"He's my son too" he answered.

"I don't remember my own son" she said, "What kind of mother does that make me?"

"You're an excellent mother, Natalie" he told her, "This isn't your fault"

"That doesn't matter. I'm missing seven years" she said, "that makes me thirty two. I'm over thirty, John. I'm old"

"Ouch" he said.

"Well that makes you" she paused, "thirty seven" she said, "but, how can you still find me attractive. I can tell I've gained weight, and I haven't seen myself yet, but I'm sure I have wrinkles"

"Calm down" he said, "You look great. You don't have wrinkles, and I can still throw you over my shoulder, so I don't think you've gained enough weight to freak out over"

"Ms. Buchanan?" a nurse asked as she came in, "I came to draw some blood for the tests"

"Okay" Natalie said, and she saw John get up to leave the room as the nurse prepped, "Wait" she told him, and then turned to the nurse, "Can he stay?"

"Of course" the nurse answered.

Natalie held his hand tighter than she normally did, and he tried to reassure her, "there's nothing to be afraid of"

She leaned away from the needle, "I just don't like the look of needles in me" she muttered so only he could hear.

As soon as the nurse left, assuring the two of them they'd know the results of the lab as soon as possible, John kissed her head.  
"Why don't you get some rest?" he said.

"Will you stay with me?"

"I'm going to go outside for a few minutes. I promised Bo I'd call once you were awake. But I'll come right back in" he told her.

"Okay" she answered, and after a quick kiss, she settled into her bed sheets and he walked outside the door.

"John?" Bo answered.

"Hi Bo. Sorry I didn't call sooner"

"It's fine" he said, "so is she?"

"She woke up a few hours ago" he said, "no medical issues"

"That's good" Bo said, and waited for him to go on.

"We have Allison and her cohorts in custody" John added, "She's not getting away this time, not if I can help it"

"Have you told your team what she's capable of?"

"Yeah" he said, "She was harboring two other prisoners" John started.

"Really?" he said, "Who?"

"You ready for this?" he asked, "Todd Manning and Victor Lord Jr"

"Oh my God. Blair and Tea will be relieved"

"You're not shocked he's alive?"

"He showed up a few months ago, guess you hadn't heard"

"I hadn't" he said, "they're both unconscious for now. I guess Allison hasn't given up what her plans were"

"You haven't had a go at her?"

"I haven't even seen her" John realized, "I saw Natalie on the ground, nothing else seemed important. I haven't left her side since"

"What's wrong?" Bo said, recognizing the sound of John's voice.

"Do you remember when we arrested Truman for my father's case?"

"Yeah?"

John looked through the window at her sleeping face. He took a deep breath, "That's the last thing she remembers"

"What?"

"She thinks its 2006" he said.

"And she thinks you're together"

"And she loves me like she did when we were young and nothing was in our way" he said.

"I don't know what to say" Bo said.

"I don't either" he said.

"If I remember, you were going to propose a few days after that"

"Yeah" he said, "we think Allison drugged her, and this is a side effect or something. The doctors are working on it now"

"So what are you going to do, John?"

"I don't know, Bo"

"I'll be honest, if I were you I would have taken her and ran" he said.

"You know why I can't"

"Liam"

"He's lost me, he can't lose her too"

"Maybe you haven't lost them"

"For now" he said.  
"I'll be honest" Bo started, "I've always wanted you two to end up together. You make each other happy. You get each other" he paused, "And I know you. I know you still love her. So show her. You're all she's got right now" he said.

"You're still rooting for me? Even though she moved on?" he asked.

"She wasn't happy" he said, "I know she's happy when she's with you. You bring out the best in each other"

"I can't not tell her the truth until she gets her memory back. She already figured out she has a kid"

"I'm not saying to lie. I'm just saying, you got a few days in paradise with the love of your life, who for at least right now loves you too. Why not make the most of it?"

"And what happens when she does remember and she tells me to go to hell?"

"Maybe she'll remember how good you two are together. Maybe she'll see after a few days it's meant to be"

"That doesn't change what I did"

"You can't change what happened. You can only change what happens from here on out"

"Thanks Bo" he said, "I'll call with updates"

As Bo hung up the phone, he couldn't help but smile. He leaned back in his chair and actually laughed. This could be the thing the two of them needed to get back to each other. Nora came in, the question in her eyes.

"You know if you laugh any louder, your officers will start thinking you've gone senile"

"I just got off the phone with John"

"Good news?" she asked, cautiously.

"Natalie's lost some of her memory" he said.

"What?"

"Her memory leaves off when John arrested Spencer Truman" he told her, "She thinks they're together, and she want to be with him"

"And so what are you going to do with this information?" she asked, also bemused.

"I told him to make the most of it" he said, "and I don't plan on telling anyone but you"

"That's probably for the best" she said.

"Well" he said, "Viki was already worried, and Clint doesn't even know John's with her"

"You think they'll come back together?"

"I can hope" he said, "It's working out for me so far"


	24. Chapter 24

John sat back down on her bed and took her hand again. He looked at her face, and again was taken aback by the fact that she was here with him. Only a week ago he had been dreaming about being this close to her again. How he felt just holding her hand showed how much he needed her.

Could Bo be right? Could he prove to her again they belong together? He ran a hand through her hair, and he could remember waking up with his face in that hair. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do to be able to go back to that. His conscious weighed on him. He'd lied to her before, and in the end that led to her walking away. He had promised her he'd never do that to her again. But on the other hand, what did he really have to lose? Whether he chose not to tell her everything or not, she'd still remember someday. Maybe he could prove himself to her, but even if he didn't, he'd be no worse off than he was a week ago. His fingers grazed her face, and she leaned into his touch, just like she used to. Her eyes fluttered open, and she smiled at him.

He made his decision then and there. However long he could, he would just prove that he loved her more than anything. And maybe, just maybe, when all was said and done, she'd take him back.

"What? No kiss this time?" she asked.

He pushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her. All at once, he was thirty again, and she was in his corner. Back when he knew no matter what, if he needed her, she'd be there. Back before time mattered to him, and he could afford to live in the moment, not that he'd ever taken that affordance.

When they came up for air, he fixed her hair again. When she smiled, she won his heart all over again.

"I love you" he told her.

Her smile widened, "I love you, too" she said, and framed his face, "I'm sorry- but-" she paused, "That's the second time you've told me that, and I don't remember if you ever have told me that before"

He looked down for a second, and he realized she was right. She didn't remember the first time he'd told her that.

"When you woke up, that wasn't the first time I've ever told you. Um, the first time I ever told you was a couple months after your memory leaves off. Admittedly, I knew it for a while before that"

"That's good to know" she said.

"You know, I didn't do a lot of things right back then. I never should have put that case before you"

"It was an important case"

"You don't have to do that anymore, let me off easy, or give me excuses. Nothing should have ever been more important than you"

"That's- different" she said.

"I always told you one day it would be different" he said.

"Um, so why I am in Guam?" she asked.

He took a breath, "Well" he started, "Allison Perkins kidnapped you from the Llanview Hospital about a week ago-"

"No" she said, "That's not possible. She's under lock and key at Saint Anne's. You don't even know who she is"

"Allison and I have crossed paths a few times in recent years. She-she escaped Saint Anne's under mysterious circumstances" he said, purposefully trying to stay vague.

"Well, Allison doesn't do anything without orders from Mitch" she tried to argue.

"Mitch is dead" he said.

"He doesn't stay dead" she warned.

"I know. But I saw it with my own eyes. Checked his pulse and everything. You made me"

"This sounds dumb, but who killed him?"

"I'd like to think it was a team effort, but in the end it was you" he said, and when she looked at him he told her the story, "He had kidnapped you, and after a whole lot of other stuff, he had you at gunpoint, and I got a shot off. He went down and I held you for a while. Then, after it all caught up to us, you made me check to see if he was actually dead. You held his gun, and when I check him, he fought for mine, and then you shot him. I checked his pulse, he's dead"

"I killed Mitch?" she said, unbelieving.

"I like to think I helped" he said.

"He's really dead" she said.

"Yeah" he said, "And Allison is in solitary confinement awaiting trial. You're safe. I'll make sure of that"

"So I guess Allison held me here. Drugged me, too. That probably explains the memory loss" she said, "But how did you find me?"

"I was on a special mission for the FBI-"

"That's why the doctor called you Agent" she said.

"Yeah" he said, "we were trying to track down this cult, there were drugs and murder, and-" he paused, "If had known it was Allison all this time, I wouldn't have slept until I got her. If I had known you were being held, I wouldn't have stopped until I found you"

"I know" she said.

"Bo had the whole force out looking for you. Balsom dropped everything to look for you. The FBI is screening my calls, so I couldn't help"

"Yet you still found me. Just like you always do" she paused, "How long have you been back to the FBI?"

"It's supposed to be temporary, but it's been about six months. We've tracked Allison across the globe"

"I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't want anyone else" she said.

He pushed her hair back, "I've missed you while I was gone"

"I didn't go with you?"

John knew he would regret this later, but he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. So he answered simply, "No, you and Liam stayed in Llanview"

"Is there anything else I should know about my life?"

"Don't worry about it. They'll get you an antidote in no time. It'll be like it never happened" he told her, even though he knew on every level it was wrong. He changed the subject, "How are you feeling? Do you want anything?"

"I'm doing good" she said.

Then, the doctor came in. John stood to face the doctor, putting his hand on Natalie's shoulder.

"Is there news?" Natalie asked.

"It was a combination of drugs, just as we suspected. They're not going to flush out of your system on their own, so we'll need to administer an antidote" he said.

"Okay. When and how?"

"Probably by injection" the doctor asked, "but since this hospital is so remote, we'll need to ship it in" he said, and then looked at his watch, "but its late everywhere by now. We'll look into it in the morning" he said, "In the meantime, Natalie, you should get some sleep"

"Thanks" Natalie said.

"Have a good night" he told the two of them.

John rubbed her shoulder for a second so she'd know he was going to come back, and he followed the doctor out.

"Doc" he said, "is the antidote safe?"

"Of course it is" he said, "She's going to be just fine. There's nothing for you to worry about anymore. Get some sleep tonight" the doctor said and walked away.

John looked down for a second. There was some part of him that wanted there to be dangerous side effects or unsafe methods of taking it, and that he could keep living in this fantasy where she loved him. But that was wrong. She had to remember, so she could raise their son, so she could go back to the family that loved her. So she could remember that she deserved better than him. He went back into her room.

"What's up?"

She always knew when something was wrong.

"Nothing. Just wanted to see if I could pull some strings. Mention the FBI; see if we could get the antidote faster. He's not Mike"

"It's okay. I can deal with this for a couple of days. And I have you"

"Yeah" he said, "You need to get some sleep. God only knows what Allison did to you before I found you. Who knows how much sleep you got over the last few days?"

"Okay" she said, "You'll stay here?"

"Of course I will" he told her, and kissed her, "Good night. I love you"

"I love you, too"

She was content to keep holding John's hand as she fell asleep. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed watching her fall asleep. Her face slowly relaxed and the rise and fall of her chest evened out. When she was sleeping was the only time her face was still, and it was only then that he could see her raw beauty. During the day her face was so full of light and life, bursting with her energy and her smile and her laugh. It was almost too much to see so much beauty and vibrancy in one person. He ran a finger though her hair, and thought about all the times he'd wake up to his face in that hair, or fall asleep with it splayed out across his bare chest. Yet, of all the nights they'd spent together, one of his favorites was the first. He watched her sleep all night in his bed, not even touching her, but she was his. She had been so happy to spend the night, even if they weren't ready for the next step, and he had been happy that she wanted him, too. It wasn't unlike now. They couldn't be anything more to each other, but for right now, she wanted to be with him.

It must have been morning when John heard another knock on the door; he realized that light was pouring in the window. Had the night really gone by so quickly? He turned toward the window to the hall, seeing Nate standing there. John kissed her forehead and got up. Before he talked to Nate, he made sure the door was completely shut so they wouldn't wake Natalie.

"Hey, man" John said.

"Here" he handed John a cup of coffee.

"Thank you" John said, taking a much needed sip.

"I figured you might need it. You haven't slept in days"

"It feels like it's just been one long day" he said.

"She gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, she will" he answered.

"I know there's more to it than that" Nate said when John didn't say anything more.

"She lost a lot of blood, but they took care of that. She lost some of her memory. She doesn't remember that we're a part or all the stupid things I've done to make her hate me. She thinks she loves me"

"Wow, um, that's a lot to take in" he said, "is she gonna get her memory back?"

"Yeah. There's an antidote. The hospital has to ship it in"

"What are you going to do til then?"

"I promised her a long time ago I'd never lie to her again" he said, looking at her through the window, "But I can't bring myself to tell her how awful everything turned after her memory leaves off"

"Yeah" he said, "It's a weird situation"

"So anyway" John said, turning back to Nate, "What's going on? Allison's in solitary confinement?"

"Yeah. The guys have been going at her non-stop. She finally caved; she'll be going to court soon"

"That's not good enough" John said, "She's gotten away with far too much for a long time. She'll plea insanity and get put in a mental ward to live out the rest of her life"

"She is insane" Nate said.

"She doesn't get my sympathy anymore. She's hurt Natalie too many times" he said, and took a sip of coffee.

"You still love her" he stated.

"I told you that"

"And it's not that I didn't believe you, but, wow. I've never seen someone care so much about another person" he said, "I told the other guys it was Natalie"

"I guess I never said that"

"Yeah, I mean I knew based on how you were acting but the others just thought you'd lost it. I only told them because they wanted you to interrogate Allison and, you know"

"I've known those guys since I went into the FBI. They know about Natalie"

"Yeah, once they knew, they understood"

"If I'd been thinking, I would have told them"

"Well, actually I wanted to come by for another reason" he paused, "I asked Sarah to marry me, she said yes"

John smiled, "Congratulations" he said.

"I guess I have you to thank for that. I never would have even thought of it, and you made me think about it differently"

"Well I should thank you, too" John said, "You called the ambulance. You blew any chance you ever had for the FBI. You didn't have to do that"

"I think I owed it to you. And I wasn't about to let her bleed out just because Jake told me to" he said, "Besides, I think I learned this week, maybe I'm not cut out for the FBI. And I couldn't be away from Sarah for that long"

"You guys are going to be so happy" he said.

"So anyway, I told Sarah about what happened with Natalie, and she uh, insisted she take some of her clothes" Nate said and handed John a bag, "and if they're not the same size or something, let us know, Sarah will gladly go shopping"

John smiled, "I'm not even going to bother refusing. Sarah sounds a lot like Natalie. Doesn't take no for an answer"

"You got that right"

"Thanks, man. Keep me posted if anything big happens with the case"


	25. Chapter 25

John sat back down on the bed just as Natalie's eyes fluttered open. He kissed her.

"Mm Good morning" she said.

"I knew you'd be waking up soon" he said, handing her a cup of coffee, "Don't tell anyone"

"You really are my knight in shining armor" she said, and took a sip of coffee, "I still take my coffee the same way"

"And you still close your eyes when you take the first sip" he noted.

"Any news yet?" she asked.

"No, but a pal of mine and his girlfriend brought you some clothes if they decide to discharge you"

"Oh that was nice"

"So did you sleep well?"

"I did. It did me good to know you were here all night" she said, "But when was the last time you slept?"

"I don't think I've slept well since we've been apart"

"Nice dodge, McBain" she said, "You haven't slept in days have you?"

"I look that bad?"

"No" she said, running her hand through his hair, "But I know you"

"Better than anyone"

"So I know you haven't slept since you found me"

"As if I could" he backfired.

"Same old John" she said, "Have you been eating?"

He looked down.

"Guess I have my answer" she said, "You know, if you want to go and grab a bite, take shower, take a nap-"

"I'm not leaving you, okay? I promised Bo I'd take care of you, and he promised your parents you were being looked after" he said.

"I can take care of myself"

"I know" he said, "but I got a lot riding on this"

She rolled her eyes, taking another sip of coffee. "You really haven't changed, have you?"

"No I have, you just bring out the best in me"

Their intimate moment was interrupted when the doctor came in.

"Is there news?" Natalie asked.

"Yes. We've put in for a shipment of the anti-dote from Seattle. It should be here within the week"

"My brother's a doctor in Seattle" John said, "I'll see if I can pull some strings"

"Perfect" the doctor said.

"Could I get out of here while we wait?" Natalie asked, "There's no reason to keep me here. I'm not sick or hurt"

"I'll see what I can do" the doctor said, "and you, Agent McBain, get on the phone right now"

"Yeah" he said, and kissed Natalie's forehead and headed out of the room.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mike"

"John? Why are you calling so early?"

"It's important. Are you at the hospital?"

"Yeah, I'm finishing a long shift. Why?"

"I need a favor"

"John-"

"It's for Natalie"

"Natalie?" he asked, "Why would you want to do anything for her after she took Liam away from you?"

"She didn't do that. Her father did"

"She didn't stop it"

"Mike, she needs help" he said.

"And as usual, you can't stop yourself from helping her"

"If Marcie needed help, there isn't anything you wouldn't do"

"That's hardly a viable comparison"

"You know what Natalie means to me" he said, "You know how much I hated my life every time she left me. You know I only went back to the FBI because it would be a distraction. So don't pretend I'm doing this on a whim. I'll always help her, no matter the cost"

"What's wrong?"

"She lost some of her memory because of some drugs that were forced on her" he said, "but we're in Guam and Seattle has the antidote. The doctor says it's supposed to take a week. Can you get it here sooner?"

"Always the hero" he commented, "How much memory has she lost?"

"Seven years"

"So she thinks you're together"

"Yeah"

"And you still want to help her get her memory back" he said, flatly.

"Liam needs his mother"

"I got it. I can get it to you in three days" he said.

"Thanks Mike" he said.

"Yeah, well, I guess I owe you a few"

"Is the drug safe?" he asked, and again prayed for the answer he shouldn't want.

"Yeah. No side effects, invented for the purpose of eliminating the effects of another drug"

"You're sure"

"I am. I'm sorry"

"I shouldn't want this"

"I don't think anyone in your shoes would want something different"

"Thanks for the favor, Mike"

As John hung up the phone, he looked through the window at Natalie. She was so engrossed in her cup of coffee she didn't notice his stare at her. He was a little surprised when the doctor came up behind him.

"Did your brother come through?"

"The drug'll be here in three days" he said, not taking his eyes off of Natalie.

"You asked him if it was safe, too"

"What?"

"Why are you so concerned with the safety of the drug? I told you it was fine, you didn't have to ask your brother too"

"When she remembers the last seven years, she's gonna remember all the awful things I did"

"You got the drugs to come faster. It won't be that bad if you want her to remember"

"I don't want that for me. I want that for her" he said, "Today, she loves me. In three days, she's going to go back to hating me" he said, "but she needs to remember her son" he said, "what would you do?"

"I don't know" the doctor answered, "but I guess you're doing the right thing"

He was always doing the right thing, usually at the cost of his happiness. His whole life he'd always done what was right, what he had to do. It was his curse. He could live vicariously in the moment for the next few days, pretend it would all be okay. As long as he didn't let it get too far. And then, she looked at him, and he couldn't bring himself to regret anything. If he always had to do the right thing, he could at least enjoy being with the woman he had always loved while they waited.


	26. Chapter 26

Natalie stood, examining herself in the mirror while she waited for John. His friend's girlfriend had been the size she remembered being. It wasn't the clothes didn't fit her, they did, but the shorts and tank top left a lot of skin exposed and she wasn't thrilled as to how the exposed skin looked. Her thighs touched, and there were flaps under her arms. She supposed she shouldn't be too vain, after all she didn't look bad for over thirty and she had a kid. Above everything else, John looked at her the same way he used to and at the end of the day that was all she cared about. As she looked at her own face, she wondered what things that face had seen that she couldn't remember, what caused the laugh lines around her eyes and what caused the creased lines on her forehead. So much could have changed in the years she didn't remember. She could at least find solace in the fact that John was still in her life, and although they had obviously separated throughout the years, they had ended up together, and there was a kid in the picture. Maybe her dreams were coming true without her even knowing it.

John stood in the doorframe, watching her. Her shorts cut off midthigh, and hugged her ass and showed off her beautiful legs. The tank top hugged her tightly, showing off her curves, leaving little to the imagination. It was low cut, leaving a good portion of her chest exposed. Her red hair flowed freely down her back. It was a little longer than the last time he'd seen her, but he loved her hair any way she wore it. She held her hands on her hips, studying herself in the mirror. Natalie had never really cared what she looked like, but he'd imagine even the humblest of people would be mortified to go from a twenty something body to a thirty something body overnight. She always looked good, no matter what her age was. She began studying her face, searching for answers, he presumed, and it hit him again, she could have all the answers if he'd only tell her the truth. She ran her hand through her hair in frustration when she didn't find any answers. She acted just like he remembered, before Jared had tamed her a little and before Liam had caused her to grow up a little, and before he had taken the light of her eyes a few times. She was dressed just like she used to, when it was hot that summer and the air conditioning wasn't working and they would just hang out. With her dressed like that, it was easy to pretend none of that had happened. He found himself smiling as he looked at her, the thought of those memories making him feel better about the situation. All of the other stuff aside, when they had been together, they'd been happy. She pulled her shirt up to look at the body underneath it. He couldn't help his sharp intake of breath. He hadn't been prepared for that, and was definitely not prepared for the reaction he felt at the liberal amount of exposed skin she was showing off. He felt his pulse pick up a little, his heart skipped a beat, and he felt himself harden for her. If this was any indication, he was going to be walking around rather uncomfortably for the next few days. She turned around at him, with a smile a mile wide on her face.

"Hey McBain" she said, "Everything all set?"

"You look pretty" he told her, kissing her on the cheek.

She beamed at him, and he couldn't regret checking her out.

"See you still have the same taste" she teased.

"You're my taste; no matter what you happen to be wearing"

"So you like?" she flirted, taking his hand.

"Brings me back, that's for sure" he said, pushing her hair back, "You look just like you used to"

"I beg to differ" she said, "but the clothes fit, so I guess I can't complain" she ceded, "Can we get out of here now?"

"Yeah. I got a surprise for you" he said.

Natalie was surprised at the house by itself. It had large windows in the front, and sat right on the beach. In fact, it reminded her of the houses that sat on the beach back in AC. As John led her into the house, she immediately noticed that all the lights were dimmed, and a few candles sat around the living room.

She looked at him, busy watching her reaction. She walked into his arms, framing his face with her hands, and lightly kissed him.

"This house is beautiful" she told him, "but why all this?"

He took her hand from his face and kissed it, "I've missed you" he said simply. It was the truth, even if he was skating a thin line with what constituted a lie or not.

"I'm sure I've missed you too" she said.

"I'm going to put dinner in the oven"

"You made dinner?"

"Don't worry, it's been tested. It just needs to heat up" he said, and kissed the top of her head.

He ducked into the kitchen, and immediately leaned up against the wall. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. What was he thinking? Of course she would know something was off. He never did romantic things, let alone a candlelit dinner. He could tell she already wanted to repay him, and he couldn't let her do that. He could kiss her and hold her, but she'd never forgive him if things went too far while she was vulnerable, and she'd already hate him. He finally put the mac and cheese in the oven, and gave himself some new resolve. If she likes tonight, if this wins her back, this night of buildup that couldn't amount to anything will be worth it. Anything to win her back would be worth it.  
He walked back into the living room and turned on the stereo.

"You brought your jazz records?" she asked.

"No. I presume they're exactly where I left them, unless of course you hid them" he teased, "This is on my iPod"

"You have an iPod"

"You put all my music on it a couple years ago. I hated it at first, but it came in useful on trips and stuff"

She smiled, "I knew I'd get you to upgrade one day"

He smiled back at her, "Care to dance?" he asked.

Wordlessly, she stepped into his arms, and they swayed to the music.

"So we never got married?"

"No, but not for lack of trying" he said, "We had two weddings get interrupted" he told her.

"Who would want to interrupt our wedding?"

"Well, the first time, it was my ex, and the second time, well there was a bunch of drama and we all lost our heads"

"When was that?"

"2011"

"What took five years?" she asked.

"We spent about two of them apart" he said.

"Why?"

He looked at her, wondering how he could possibly simplify all he had put her through that led to them breaking up. "You started to compromise yourself for me; I made it really hard for you to still be you. Eventually, we realized that neither of us liked who we'd become and it made sense to break up. And you know, a lot of good things happened to you because of that, and eventually I got you back"

"So that's when I got married?"

"Yeah"

"And what did you do?"

"Hey, let's not worry about stupid stuff I did over the past few years. I've spent a long time away from you, and I just want to enjoy it now" he covered.

"Speaking of, don't you have work to be doing?"

"The guys got it covered" he said, "Besides, you're more important"

Natalie rested her head on his shoulder as they continued to sway. The gesture caused his heart to swell with love for her. He bent his head to rest against hers, and relished the feel and smell of her hair. She looked into his eyes.  
And just like that, the moment changed. Their mouths met in a passionate kiss that had them both reeling. Their tongues wrestled as they slowly lost touch with reality. They had stopped swaying to the music and John's hands had both drifted to Natalie's waist. She ran her hand up his arm, wrapping both around his neck. Soon, though, she needed more of him, and she dug her hands into his hair to brink his mouth closer to her. One tiny part of his brain told him this was wrong, that he should put the brakes on now before he couldn't stop himself. Another part of his brain convinced him he could keep himself in control. But the rest of brain was long past thinking. He had dreamed of this situation a thousand times, never believing he'd ever be able to hold her like this again. He had always enjoyed kissing her; he had never been able to stop himself from going too far. He'd learned early on that if he kissed her lips, he couldn't stop; that's why he'd started kissing her on her cheek in public. She burned so good, and he was glad to be burning again. His hands drifted down to her ass, pushing her up closer to his mouth, and closer to him. She let out a quiet moan when she felt he was hard for her, but he could still stop if he had to, at least he told himself. As he pushed her closer to him, he lifted her from the ground so her mouth was above his and her legs wrapped around his waist. She held herself there, exerting the perfect amount of pressure on his aching groin. Somehow, she managed to kiss him closer this way; she tipped his head back just a little, kissing him deeper and fuller. Had they come up for air yet? He couldn't remember, he was beyond thought, beyond anything but the feeling of her. He was usually the strong one when they got physical, but at present time, he didn't think he could manage standing any longer. He took a few steps back, and then eased down to a chair, never breaking contact with her. Her hips started mimicking and teasing his groin, but her lips were heaven. One of his hands rested at the bottom her head, tangled just a little in her hair, while the other stayed at the small of her back. For her part, her hands were gripped to his shirt over his chest.

Neither had any idea how much time had passed, but a rather loud "A hem" caused them to stop. They looked at each other for a brief second before turning their heads to the noise. When Natalie saw a group of men, she tried getting up, but John's grip kept her in his lap.

"I hate to remind you, but other people have to live here too" Aaron teased.

"And there was no sock on the door" Josh added.

John made eye contact with Nate before he whipped out his harsh, "Watch it"

"Allison heads to court tomorrow. Manning and Lord are still out, though" Jake told them, "In case you wanted to know"

"Is she going to go away?" Natalie asked, timidly.

"That's what we're hoping for" Jake told her.

"She can't hurt you here" John told her.

"He's actually right about that" Aaron told her, "We're all highly trained, there's more ammo in this house than your grandfather's. No one's getting in that we don't want in"

"Guys, why don't we give them some time alone? Natalie's been stuck in the hospital for a few days, the last thing these two need is us breathing down their necks" Nate said.

The guys all dispersed upstairs, talking softly to each other, and John was sure it was about him.

"Thanks, man" John said.

"Just doing what I would want done to me" he said, "I actually have to get going, me and Sara are having dinner with her parents tonight. I'll tell her the clothes fit, too. She'll be happy"

"Tell her I'm so grateful she lent them to me" she told Nate.

Nate nodded before heading out. Natalie turned towards John.

"I guess they don't like me too much" she noted.

"No, it's not you" he said.

"I saw how they were looking at us"

"I could have blown the sting. They're mad at me, not you"

"Because of me" she said.

"It doesn't matter" he said, "C'mon, let's eat that dinner"

"You want to eat dinner now?" she asked.

"I haven't had dinner with you in a while. I was looking forward to it"

Natalie rolled her eyes teasingly, and stood up. He did the same, but she could tell his body desired something more. Maybe later, she thought. He took her hand and led her into the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for her at the small table.

"Are you really John McBain?" she asked as she sat down.

"Yes, but age has given me an appreciation for some of the smaller things"

"Oh really?"

"Yes" he said, going to pull dinner out of the oven, "I have a refined sense of nostalgia"

When he put their dinner on the table, she knew her face must have lit up like a Christmas tree. She looked up at him, unable to hide her happiness, not that she wanted to.

"Mac and cheese" she said, "John, that's so sweet"

"It's nothing" he said, then took a six back of their favorite beer out of the fridge.

"I'm glad some things haven't changed" she said as they began to eat.

"I'm glad you like it" he said.

"Of course I do" she said, "so what about the rest of the night?"

"I don't know. I figured we could sleep in tomorrow, so we can go to bed whenever"

"Early?" she said, suggestively.

"Not tonight, Natalie. You just got out of the hospital"

"So you get the both of us hot and bothered for nothing?"

"I didn't hear a complaint a few minutes ago"

She rolled her eyes, "I can tell you want to"

"And if you got hurt, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And when you get your memory back you'll kill me"

"I doubt that, besides, I'm fine"

"Forgive me, but you didn't see you"

"I guess I really scared you"

"Natalie, I'm just happy you're here and that you're okay. I don't want to push my luck"

"So no fun tonight, but you'll hold me, right?"

"That's what I've been looking forward to"


	27. Chapter 27

"Did Sara give you any pajamas in that bag?" John asked as they headed into the bedroom for the night. The guys had left them to their own devices downstairs, and he didn't want to push his luck, though he knew that there was going to be some confrontation some point.

"No, she didn't" Natalie said.

"Here" he said, handing her one of his T-shirts.

"You wouldn't prefer me in something less?" she asked, pressing against him.

"I'd prefer to know you got a good night's rest" he answered.

"Fine "she sighed, and headed to the adjoining bathroom.

John took a bracing breath. She knew something was up, and he was sure she was going to ask him. He didn't know if he could keep this up, keep coming up with vague half-truths and avoiding the reality of the situation. He hoped she was tired, so he could hold her and watch her sleep. He hadn't slept a wink in days, yet he knew he'd watch her sleep for hours tonight before he finally succumbed to slumber. She came out of the bathroom quicker than he anticipated, and he had no time to prepare himself for how wonderful she looked. In that moment, he wouldn't have believed she wasn't the twenty-five year old she thought she was. There was something so wonderful about seeing her in his shirt, it brought out that side of him only she could bring out, the part of him that was capable of love, the part of him that wanted more than his mundane miserable existence.

"What?" she asked.

"You look pretty"

"How many times you going to use that line?" she asked, getting into bed.

John hit the lights, crossing the room to join her. The second he laid down, he reached for her and she gave a comforted sigh as he held her. It was just like they had never stopped doing this. He buried his face in her hair, pulling her flush against him. She smiled at the feeling of protection that surrounded her. She turned her head to face him, and after a moment of looking into each other's eyes, they kissed, full and deep. When they came up for air, he caressed her hair.

"Why didn't you change?"

"What?"

"You're still wearing your pants and your shirt. You're not going to be able to sleep like that"

"I'll be fine" he said, "Besides, I have to keep some semblance of control"

"Or not" she said, and went to kiss him.

When they came up for air, he looked into her eyes, "go to sleep, Natalie"

"I love you" she said.

"I love you too" he said, "Good night"

"Good night" she said, and kissed him again. When they came up for air, they had to kiss just once more before Natalie turned around and shortly fell asleep.

Natalie turned her head back to his face was engulfed in her hair. Slowly, he felt her breathing even out and felt her whole body relax against his. His heart had actually skipped a beat, when she had told him she loved him. He had dreamed about moments like this for over a year, but he didn't think that he could actually believe this was happening. And yet, here she was, in his arms, her scent unchanged, her personality just the same, and she loved him. This day had practically been ripped from his dreams; he couldn't believe he still had two more days in paradise. He closed his eyes, wrapping himself in her scent even more, trying to memorize this feeling for when this dream was over. He felt himself relax as he inhaled her scent deeply. He had forgotten how relaxed her presence always made him feel. Shortly, he was drifting to sleep as well.

Natalie shifted just a little, and John woke up. He felt more rested than he had in over a year. When Natalie turned her head to look at him, he couldn't help but kiss her.

"Good morning" she said

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, caressing her hair.

"I did. Please tell me you did sleep last night?"

"Better than I have in a long time" he told her.

"I'm glad" she said, "You needed it"

"I didn't just get out of the hospital" he said.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like I'm going to disappear"

John looked down, "I just know this has to end"

"What do you mean?"

"In two days you're going to get your memory back"

"But what's that going to change? That just means we get to go home"

John didn't know what to say, so he covered with, "Yeah, I guess I just like this little break from the real world. I like feeling thirty again"

"Well" she said, running her hand down his pecks, "I'm sure we can think of some ways to feel younger"

He took her hand, "Don't tempt me, it's hard enough as it is"

"I can see that" she said, looking down for a second.

"Natalie" he said.

"What?"

"We can't go there. You're going to hate me when you remember everything as it is" he said, and immediately, he regretted it, but he couldn't take it back, and he supposed he couldn't have gone all this time without telling her anyway.

"What do you mean?"

"I've done some pretty stupid stuff you don't remember, you're pretty angry at me right now"

"I could never hate you" she said, "besides if I really did, wouldn't I feel it? Wouldn't I want to run away when you hold me? But I just want to kiss you"

"Maybe you're right" he conceded, "but I don't want to push my luck. Besides, I don't want to think about all the bad things right now, not when you're here with me"

"What's our son like?" she asked.

John smiled, "He's such a great kid. He has my eyes, but he has your smile, and that Buchanan chin" he said.

"I'm glad he has your eyes" she said, "In my dreams, our kids always had your eyes"

He pushed her hair back, "He's really the best of both of us. He's enthusiastic, and he's interested in details, and he gets into everything. Bo's convinced he'll be on the force the second he graduates high school"

"No sir. He's going to college"

"And that's always what you respond with" he said.

"Guess I haven't changed much"

"You grew up a little when Liam was born, but you're still very much the same" he said, "You're still the Natalie I fell in love with. I don't think there's anything that could change that"

"I'd hope not"

"What do you want to do today?" he asked.

"Let's go to the beach" she said, through a smile, "Sarah gave me a bathing suit"

"Okay, we'll go to the beach" he said, smiling as well, "we won't have to go far" he joked.

"It's perfect" she said.

"Alright, I'm going to grab a shower before we leave" he said, kissing her forehead.

"You're going to take a shower before we go to the beach?" she asked, confused as to why he would do such a thing.

"A cold one" he told her, disappearing into the bathroom once he saw her grin. Yup, a really cold shower was going to be necessary. And he had to look at her in a bikini all day. The thought was enough to need a cold shower.


	28. Chapter 28

As they came in from their day at the beach, John saw all the guys seemingly waiting for them. He was grateful Natalie had put on the cover-up over her bathing suit, since it did not leave much to imagination and had driven him crazy all day long. He could tell from the look on their faces this wasn't going to be good.

"John" Jake said, "We need to talk"

"Is this about the case? Did Allison go on trial?" Natalie asked.

"No, not about that" Jake answered.

The room was silent for a second, and John knew his friends were going to make him fight this battle on his own.

"Natalie, why don't you go take a shower?" John said.

"No, I'm not a child, and I'm not an invalid, if this is about me I want to know too" she said, mostly to the team.

"This has nothing to do with you" John said, making her look at him, "This is about my job, and you know I can't let you know everything"

"Fine" she said, finally retreating.

John watched her go, feeling his strength go with her. He took a deep breath and turned back to his friends.

"What?" he said.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Jake demanded, "You risk this whole case, refuse to interrogate the suspects, even when you've dealt with them before, and then when your girlfriend shows up out of thin air just stop acting like you're on assignment"

"You didn't even come to the court date. We could have used your testimony" Josh added.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Jake demanded.

"I get why you're angry, but I wasn't about to let her die for a case. I've spent the last ten years of my life putting cases ahead of her and she left me over it. Forgive me if I wasn't about to make that mistake again"

"That excuse stops when she got into the ambulance" Jake said.

"You would have done the same thing in my shoes" he said, "If you'd ever loved someone, you'd know how I felt, how I feel right now" he looked at Aaron, "You know. You haven't seen your wife in six months. You must understand-"

"I can understand staying with her, but John she left you, and-"

"She lost her memory. She doesn't remember how she got here or what happened. The last thing she remembers is me taking her home when she was twenty five and we loved each other. She needs someone right now" he said, "and I love her. I may never get to spend another day with her once she remembers. So forgive me, but I 'm not about to leave her side for anything right now, especially work. After tomorrow, I'm going to lose her all over again, God knows how I'm going to live through that again, but for right now, she's the only thing that matters, so screw off if you think I'm going to stop spending time with her to help you"

The guys all looked down. Aaron was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry" he said, "I should've thought about how you must be feeling right now. We all saw the difference in you when you came back to the team. I can't imagine what must be going through your head right now" he said, "You should be spending time with her. Who knows? Maybe it'll work out"

"I'd like to believe that. I just don't think I can" John told them.

"Why don't we all head to that bar down the road? I'm sure Natalie'd like to play some pool with you, show off in front of us" Josh offered.  
"I'll go get her" John said, turning.

"You coming, Jake?" Aaron asked their friend, who'd remain noticeably quiet during the exchange.

"No, I think I'm going to watch some TV" he said, and headed to his room.

Josh and Aaron looked at each other, unsure of what was so wrong with their friend that he couldn't understand John's predicament.  
The trip to the bar had been fun for all four of them, and Natalie had taken turns killing all of them in a game of pool. They had been especially impressed when she managed to finish John off quickly as well. It seemed the legends were true after all. Josh and Aaron also noted the way that John kept looking at Natalie, as if she was the only person in the entire bar, that if he looked away she might vanish. There was no doubt in either of their minds that he loved her whole-heartedly, and they genuinely felt bad for their friend, wondering how he was going to survive the fallout that was sure to follow when she regained her memory.

When they had returned back to the house, Natalie and John had retired to his bedroom. When they had gotten in bed, their good night kiss had turned into something more. Natalie had pulled John on top of her, and his brain warned that he was nearing the point of no return as her hips bucked against his. She managed to roll him over so she was on top of him, her hips grinding into his painfully hard groin. She stopped kissing him and started nibbling along his jawline headed towards his ear.

"Natalie" he managed to say, though she didn't stop, moaning in response as she took his earlobe into her mouth.

"Natalie" he repeated and this time she looked at him when his head turned to meet hers, though she didn't move and the lower half of her body was still sprawled across his.

"What?" she asked confused.

"We need to stop now before I can't control myself anymore"

"I don't want you to control yourself"

"I don't want to take advantage of you" he said, "and I told you, you're not going to like me too much when you remember"

"I still don't believe you" she said, sliding off of his body, snuggling into his side as he instinctively put his arm around her, "but I appreciate that you're willing to do that"

"I wouldn't want to hurt you"

"You could never hurt me"

"I'm glad you can say that, but I have, and I don't want to do it again"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything" he said, though he had a feeling he wasn't going to like the question.

"I don't mean anything by it, and I don't want you to feel bad, but-" she said, starting to draw idle circles on his chest, "it's just that, you obviously love me and I believe I love you, too, and we have a kid and everything" she paused, "why I don't I have a ring on my finger?"

John looked at her, wanting more than anything than to put it on her finger. The ring was in his duffel bag, where he'd kept it for a year waiting to go home and propose. He pushed her hair back, "well, I went a little crazy for a while when we thought Liam wasn't mine and I tried to drink you off of my mind for months and you tried to be a family with the guy we thought was his father. And then, when the truth came out, I guess we were really stubborn about it. You see, the two of us, we knew we loved the other, but we were both convinced that the feelings weren't returned, and when we finally figured it out, well I went back to putting work ahead of you and then I got called away. My plan was always to ask you when I finally got to come home to you"

"I'm here now. Why not just ask me?" she asked.

"Because the answer you'll give me now and the answer you'll give me when you remember aren't going to be the same"

"What if they are?" she asked.

He caressed her hair again, "Tell you what. If when you wake up after getting that drug after tomorrow and you still want that ring, it's yours"  
"You mean that?"

"Yeah, it would make me really happy to be able to put that ring on your finger and see it through this time"

"Alright" she said, "I can't wait to say yes" she said, smiling, and went to kiss him.

"Good night" he said, "I love you"

"I love you, too" she said, and kissed him again, before settling to sleep on his chest.

He knew she was asleep in less than a minute. He held her close to him, caressing her hair. If only it were that simple. He knew the last thing she'd want when she remembered was his mother's ring. And he was okay with that, but he knew he wasn't ready for was the look of hatred in her eyes when she looked at him in two short days. He didn't think anything could prepare him for that. But he still had one glorious day with her to show her he wasn't completely worthless.


	29. Chapter 29

The next day, Nate and Sara had invited them to lunch at the bar. They had stayed there for a few hours, eating and drinking, playing a few games of pool. At one point, Sara had dragged Natalie away to show her something.

"So what are they up to?" John asked him.

"God only knows" Nate said, "How are you doing?"

"I don't know, man. Just taking it one moment at a time, I guess"

"She loves you, too. I can't imagine something would ever change that"

"It could. And she does, for now. And that's just going to have to be enough"

"Will it be enough for you?" Nate asked.

"No" John said, "I could spend forever with her and still want more time"

"You have tonight"

"So I managed to have a few strings pulled with friend who's a nurse at the hospital" Sara said.

"And?"

"Well, I know you don't remember, but this is what you were wearing when John found you. I had it cleaned"

"Sara, you've already done so much for me-"

"You've done just as much for me"

"We've only just met"

"Yeah, but- John told Nate all about you and about all of his mistakes with you, and that's what convinced him to propose, so we don't lose any time like the two of you did" she said, "So I am forever in your gratitude"

"Well, thank you for getting this cleaned. It's beautiful"

"Well, I was thinking, you know, this is your last night in paradise, maybe you should wear it for John, take a walk on the beach, and see where things lead-"

"I think I just might" she said, "I'll move it to the car. I can't thank you enough"


	30. Chapter 30

When they had finally returned to the house that day, it was nearing dinner time, and Natalie insisted she wasn't hungry and was going to take a shower. John sat down to eat with his friends.

"How'd court go?"

"You were right. They pled insanity, they all got sent away to institutions for life" Josh told him, "We made sure none of the institutions were in Pennsylvania or the tri-state area"

"Thanks, I appreciate it"

"So I guess this is the end, right?" Aaron said.

"I guess so" Josh said, "I wonder what they'll have us do next"

"Are you coming back, John?" Aaron asked.

"He's barred" Jake answered.

"You had him barred?" Aaron asked, "Jake don't you think that's a little-"

"It was out of my hands" he said, "I had to report what you did; it was going to come out anyway. You had to have known the FBI was going to let you go"

"Jake, if you were in his shoes-" Josh started.

"Guys, its fine" he said, "it was nice to have one last hoorah with you guys and it was good to do all this again, but I'm not the guy I used to be. This isn't meant for me anymore"

"So what's next for you?" Aaron said.

"I don't know" he said, "If I'm being honest, I'm probably going to crawl into a bottle for a few days but after that, who knows"

"You really think she's going to tell you to take a hike?"

"I think her language is going to be a bit more colorful than that" he said.

"Why are you spending your last night with her down here?" Aaron asked, "Go. Tell her how much she means to you. You might not get the chance again"

When John walked into their bedroom, he was unprepared for the wave of emotion that hit him like an eighteen wheeler. For a second, she didn't see him, and he leaned against the doorframe, watching her. She had already done her hair and make up for him, and was putting in earrings. She wore a white dress that flowed over her, showing off her best assets, and its neckline plunged low. In that moment, he remembered how he used to purposefully wake up early so he wouldn't get in the way of her getting ready in the morning, fearing it would ruin the magic somehow. When they had gotten back together, he had learned to take advantage of the situation. It was incredibly intimate, seeing her get ready for him, even if he knew her efforts had to be in vain.

When the second passed, and she looked at him, he smiled back at her, and started towards her. Based on her smile, he could guess his reaction was what she'd hoped for. The guys had mocked him for how he looked at her, but he couldn't help being blown away when she did things like this. Any man would be lucky to have her for his own, even if it was just for the night.

"Hey" he said, "You look-" he couldn't finish

"Pretty" she finished his usual sentiment for him.

"No, more than that. You look amazing" he said, brushing her hair back, "God, you're beautiful" he said, almost as though it was a reflex.

She looked at him with all the love in the world when said that. Forget feeling thirty, he felt like a teenager again.

"I'm glad you think so" she said through a smile.

"You wanna go on a walk?" he asked.

"Can we watch the sunset on the beach?"

"Yeah, we can watch the sunset" he said, as he grabbed her hand.


	31. Chapter 31

They had forgone wearing shoes as they walked along the water's edge, holding hands. John wasn't sure he'd ever acted like this before, like a boyfriend or holding her hand for so long. Yet, every time he looked at her, he didn't think he could regret this, just the two of them being together, no lies, no outside parties telling them what was right or wrong, just the two of them like it should have always been.

"I'm happy that this will be over soon" she said, "but I'll be honest, I'm going to miss this place, right on the beach"

"I'm going to miss it, too" he said, "I'm going to miss this a lot"

"You don't have to" she said, stopping and turning to look at him.

"Natalie, you don't know what I do. Tomorrow you're going to hate me again. I have to know that's coming, if I pretend it's not-"

"What? You might dare to be happy?"

He kissed her.

"Don't for a second think that I haven't been happy these last few days. To have the chance to hold you and tell you I love you- I wouldn't trade it for anything"

She kissed him. They looked over the ocean as the sun began to set, disappearing into the water.

"You keep saying I'm going to hate you when I remember everything, I don't understand why you wouldn't make tonight count if that's true"

"As long as I'm with you, I'll be happy"

"John, if this is the last night you ever spend with me, don't you want to make every moment count?"

She kissed him again, and John was finding it difficult to remember all the reasons this was wrong.

"I'm right here. And you've proven how much you love me. Show me" she said, and kissed him again.

She kissed him deeply, and he felt his resolve slipping fast. She wrapped his arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her. He put his hands on her waist as she arched into him. When they came up for air, they didn't leave their embrace, just looked at each other. She had that look in her eyes, the one of pure love and pure desire, just the right combination to always bring him to his knees. Right now, he was too wrought with emotion at that look to say anything other than what he always said at moments like these.

"Natalie" he whispered.

The way he said her name sent shivers down her spine. She had yet to figure out how he was able to tell her how much he loved her and how much he needed her by just saying her name, but it was always the same message that came through.

They kissed again with bone-melting passion and John's hand cradled her head so she stayed close. Without breaking their embrace, she managed to begin to unbutton his shirt. She slid it off of him, going next to his belt, undoing the button and zipper on his pants. She began pushing them off of him, continuing until she could no longer reach. His hands found the zipper on her dress and as he undid it the dress fell off of her on its own. His fingers made quick work of the clasp on her bra, and he pulled it down so they were bare chest to bare chest. He stepped out of his pants and had the fleeting thought that she wasn't wearing panties. Slowly, they eased into the sand and water below them. John began nuzzling her neck, paying special attention to the spot at the base of her neck that always drove her crazy. As expected, she moaned loudly, arching her body into his, willing him closer. He began nipping along her collarbone, stopping at the gap between them, another spot that he knew drove her crazy, and she was writhing underneath him, but he was far from finished with her. As his ravenous mouth inched closer to her sensitive nipples, his hands fondled her breasts. Her hands gripped his hair, urging him to continue, yet also loving his slow pace. For the first time she could remember, this didn't seem like it was just physical, but that he really was showing her how much he loved her, and she couldn't get enough of his touch. When she started bucking her hips, he knew what she wanted, but instead of appeasing her, he kissed a trail to another spot he'd found only recently that drove her absolutely wild. He nipped the area around her right hip bone, until he heard her moan, and then paid the spot extra attention until he heard her moan his name.

"John" she moaned out loud.

He loved hearing his name like that. His achingly hard erection throbbed at the sound. He leaned over her, pushing her hair back before kissing her and claiming her. He continued kiss her as he thrusted in and out of her center, though how he had held on for this long, he didn't understand. She brought her hands to the small of his back, urging him to continue, though she couldn't understand how she was still holding on. She raked her hands across his strong back, trying to find something akin to solid ground, it was all too much, him inside her and his mouth making such sweet love to hers. She locked her legs around him, keeping him inside of her, and he began grinding into her and his mouth moved to her neck.

"John" she moaned, arching into him even more.

"Natalie" he moaned into her ear, "I love you" he rasped.

And with that, they both tumbled off the edge, climaxing together. Never had they experienced such a powerful climax together. John had lost his strength, and as he came, he collapsed onto her. They laid there, shakes subsiding and panting heavily as they tried to steady themselves. Natalie loved the feeling of his weight pressing into her, and she felt so loved and full with him still inside her. He, on the other hand, kept his head in the crook of her neck, surrounded by her delicious scent as he caught his breath, and as he stayed rooted inside her, he felt like he was home again. He began to pet her hair, slowly regaining the ability to think after such a mind-blowing experience. As he regained thought, he felt the guilt and the disgust that he should have felt for himself all along. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to leave her or to regret it. If nothing else, she believed he loved him and at least for right now, that was enough. Shortly, she turned to look at him. For a second, they just looked into each other's eyes. Then, they shared a brief kiss.

"I love you" Natalie said.

"I love you, too, Natalie" he said, "You okay?"

"I don't know that I've ever felt so right" she said, "You feel so right"

"You feel right too" he told her.

"You don't regret this, do you?"

"There are plenty of reasons I should" he said, "but I can't"

"Good" she said, "there's no reason to feel bad about this. We're two people who love each other"

"Yeah" he said.

"No" she said, determinedly, "Don't you do that to me now"

"Do what?"

"Put those walls up, shut me out because it's better for me" she explained, "Not just when you had me believing that John McBain was put to rest with Spencer Truman"

"I'm sorry. But I'm still not too good at this. That didn't stop when we got him"

"I don't want you to be perfect. I just want you here, with me"

He kissed her.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want this to be over"

"We're never over. You own my heart, forever. Even if you won't tell me, I know that whatever part of your heart you're willing to give up is mine. You have a piece of me. Even if we're apart, I'm always in your heart"

"What if that's not enough?"

She smiled and pet his hair down, "Then I guess you'll just have to fight for me"

"I'll always fight for you" he said, quietly, so she couldn't hear, then laying a gentle kiss on her forehead, "We should get going" he said, "I want to make sure you're well rested before tomorrow"

"I don't want this to be over"

"It's not over. It's never over"

Slowly, John managed to remove himself from her and stand, helping her stand as well. They managed to find all their clothes, and John helped her back into her dress. When had he ever tried helping her into her clothes? This was just another instance of how strange this situation was. Yet, he found this incredibly intimate, and once he had zipped her dress back up, she turned and straightened out the collar on his shirt.

"We just made love on the beach" he said.

"We did"

"Talk about typical John McBain behavior" he joked.

"I know, next you'll be getting married, settling down. Maybe even thinking about retiring" she joked as they began heading back.

"Yeah, right. As soon as you stop causing trouble" he shot back at her.

"You know more about me than I do" she said, quietly.

"You don't have your memory" he said

"It just hit me, though, you know, all the little things you know about me that I don't. When we were making love, you knew all these things about me that I didn't"

"I didn't think about that. But I do remember every inch of you" he said.

"I'm glad of it" she admitted, "I am really glad that of all people it was you that found me like this"

"I'm glad too" he said.

As they settled into bed that night, Natalie cuddled into the crook of John's neck, tracing circles on his bare chest. He held her up against him, settling his face in her hair. Though he hoped she was right, he couldn't believe that tomorrow would be a happy day for him. Tonight may be the last chance he ever got to sleep next to her, and he intended to enjoy it. He knew he'd hate himself again by tomorrow afternoon, but he couldn't bring himself to sleep on the couch and deny himself the opportunity to do this one last time.

"John?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah" he said, running his hand through his hair.

"I've been thinking" she said, though she didn't look at him, "I don't need to get my memory back. I have you, that's enough. And I'm sure once I go back to Llanview, once I see our son and my family, everything will fall back into place"

He made her look at him. She was serious. He pushed her hair back, caressed her face. She was really amazing, always willing to put him before herself. She was willing to give up her whole life so he'd be happy. His heart swelled with love for her, it was only a shame he had break it again.

"I can't let you do that, Natalie" he said, and the words hurt more than he could have imagined, "It isn't right. You'd only be doing it for me, and there are lot of other people you have to consider. You have to remember everything you went through with Liam, and he deserves to have his mother back. And you should be able to remember your husband. Even though I hate saying it, you loved him, it wouldn't be right for me to ask you to forget about him because of me"

"But I could never love anyone like I love you" she said.

"I believe you never did. At least, I never did" he said, "but, I can't ask you to unlive your life so I'll be happy. You deserve better than that"

"You're not the only one afraid about what's going to happen tomorrow, you know" she said, "The way you've been talking; I can't imagine my life without you"

"There's nothing to worry about. You did pretty good without me" he said.

"But I don't know what happens, and that scares me"

"There's nothing to be afraid of. Besides, you don't rattle" he said, running a finger through her hair.

"Why is it so important to you that I remember? You've said yourself; I'm not going to like you much when I remember"

The question floored him. Yet, this was Natalie; she could always surprise him. He looked into her eyes before he answered, and he knew what he had to say.

"Natalie" he started, as he caressed her hair, "This might be the only time I'll say this, but even though I'd like nothing more than to be with you, I love you. And what I want for you, all I've ever wanted for you is to be happy. And if you don't get your memory back, well, you wouldn't be happy, not really. I can't be the one to take that away from you, not again"

"So you're going to take away your happiness for mine?"

"No" he said, "You've given me plenty of reasons to be happy these last few days. And even if this is it, I'll always have the memory of it"  
"You said that wouldn't be enough"

"Natalie, I could never have enough of you" he said.

"I don't know how I could ever say no to you" she said, framing his face.

"You'll have enough reason, and I'll understand"

"All this time, you still always have to do the right thing"

"I can't change who I am. I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't have fallen in love with you. And that's the best thing to ever happen to me"

"Alright then. I guess I'll have to grow up tomorrow" she joked, "And I haven't forgotten I get that ring tomorrow"

"Well, you're right more often than I'd care to admit"

She laughed a little, "Yeah" she said, "I do love you"

"I love you, too. More than I ever imagined I'd ever-"

"I know" she said, then leaned up to kiss him.

"Good night. Sleep well"

"I always do when I'm in your arms" she said, "Good night"

They kissed once more before Natalie settled back into his favorite place of hers to sleep, in the crook of his neck. He loved it when she did that because he spent the whole night breathing in the scent of her hair and it often led to wonderful dreams of her. Her hands moved about his chest for a moment, finding his heartbeat, he knew, because that's where she liked sleeping best. Once she found it, his hand covered hers, so she knew he was there. She inhaled deeply, enjoying the feel of her surroundings, and sighed contently. He caressed her hair, and soon he knew she was asleep. He gently kissed the top of her head, and he kept his head there, inhaling deeply, closing his eyes. He loved the smell of her hair; it was uniquely Natalie, one of the many things he missed about her when they were apart. He'd spent countless nights over the past year trying to remember it, the smell, the feel of her hair sprawled across his chest, how it felt to hold her like this, the feeling of her pressed against his side. He knew after these nights together he'd feel empty and lonely without her in his arms, and he tried to memorize how it felt, a vain effort to curb the loneliness he was sure to face in the nights to come. He kissed the top of her head again. He rest his head on hers, still caressing her hair. He knew there was no chance of him sleeping tonight, he was too wound up, too nervous about what was going to happen tomorrow, and he had far too many thoughts racing around his head to sleep tonight.

"Natalie" he whispered, "I have so many things I want to tell you, and I know in the morning none of this is going to matter. This might be the only way you'll ever listen to me, anyway" he said, rubbing her shoulder, "I did love Caitlyn. When she died, I really, really thought that was it for me. I didn't think I'd ever find someone who could love me again, I didn't think I'd ever look at a woman and think about being more than her friend" he said, remembering the difference that came over him the second he'd met her, "You came to me when I was at my worst, of course you didn't know, because of the case, but you put the life back in me. I shouldn't have cared that you hated me half as much as I did, and maybe that's why I stuck around. I did more than enough to drive you away, I lied, I put work ahead of you, I bitched about you to your face, I ruined your life, I slept with someone else on our wedding night. No matter what, you always knew I loved you, and you always took me back. I know, I've probably done it this time, and I get it. I did this to myself" he said, "Somehow; I know you're it for me. I don't even want to move on, and I know that sounds like how I felt about Caitlin, but I never needed her to feel like I could breathe, and I need you for that. I don't know what I'm going to do after tomorrow. Bo thought if I treated you right these few days, I could win you back. For some reason, I believed him then, but I know you. You're not going to be able to forgive me just because of one candlelit dinner and a day on the beach. You're going to flat out kill me for the other thing we did on the beach. I hate myself for it, too, but, Natalie I'd do it again. I'd do all this over again, I'd do anything if it meant being with you again" he said, "You know, God sent me two women to love. I know now Caitlin was only to prepare me for you, to practice what love was so I could give it to you. I don't think he's planning on sending me someone else, I don't deserve that. Not that there's anything left of me to give" he said, "You said you knew whatever part of my heart I was willing to give up was yours. Well, see, you're wrong about that, because I didn't have to give it to you, you just snuck up on me and took it. My heart's yours, all of it, and I don't want it back. You've taken such good care of it" he said, "I know in the long run, none of this matters. But if this was the last chance I had to tell you everything, well, it would be stupid of me not to take it" he said, "I just hope you know I mean it when I say I love you"

He kissed her head again. He spent the night holding her, inhaling her, memorizing her. It would never be enough, but he could at least try and put the memory in his brain so he could relive it in his dreams.


	32. Chapter 32

The feeling of the sun heating the bed and gentle fingers in her hair woke Natalie. It was actually her favorite way to wake up, the way she often woke on the weekends when she could convince John to leave his cases at work for the day, or at least until the afternoon. It was something she looked forward to at the beginning of every week, and even if he wouldn't admit it, she knew John looked forward to it every week, too. When she finally looked at him, he kissed her. She loved the way he kissed her in the morning.

"Mm good morning" she said through a smile.

"You sleep good?" he asked, still playing with her hair.

"Yeah, I did" she said, "What about you?"

"I had a good night" he said, purposefully dodging the question.

"You didn't sleep" she half asked, half stated.

"I had a lot on my mind"

She put a hand on the side of his face and watched him lean into it. The sadness was etched clearly on his face, and this time she knew it wasn't because of a case. She couldn't respond, so she just looked into his eyes, saw the love reflecting back at her, and the look of absolute fear which she knew stemmed from the belief he wouldn't ever hold her like this again. When they were like this, it was hard to believe that he could have caused her any heartache, yet at the same time the memories she did have proved that he could.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this" she said.

"We talked about this, everything'll be okay" he told her.

"Still, I hate seeing you like this"

"Old?" he teased.

"No, you look just like I remember" she said.

"We should get going. The doc'll be expecting us"

Once they arrived at the hospital, they met with the doctor and shortly, Natalie was back in a hospital bed, preparing for the drug to be administered.

"So Natalie, we'll give you something to relax you, make sure you're deeply asleep, and then we'll administer it. You'll only be out for an hour, maybe two. When you wake up, you should have your memory back. We'll do a final examination, and you'll be good to go" the doctor said.

"Alright" she said, "let's do this" she told the doctor, then turned to John, "Will you stay with me?"

"I won't go anywhere" he promised, taking her hand and kissing her sweetly on the lips, "Now, relax" he told her.

Natalie settled into her pillow, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. John knew she was asleep within the minute.

"She's out" the doctor said.

"I know" John said, pushing her hair back.

"Well, I just figured if you wanted to get out of here-"

"I'll stay with her" he said, still unable to look away from her.

"I thought you said she was going to hate you when she'd remember"

"She will" John said.

The doctor dropped his clipboard and watched him look at her for a second. He wasn't taking her eyes off of him for anything right now. He looked very sad, yet his eyes shone clear with care for the young woman.

"You really love her" the doctor said as a revelation.

John finally looked away from Natalie, "Yeah, I do" he said, and he could hear the sadness in his own voice.

"I didn't- I only meant that, you must love her an awful lot to stay when you know she's going to hate you when she wakes up"

John smirked for a second, understanding the man's confusion, but he wasn't about to leave her until he knew she was okay. "I have to know that she's going to be okay" he said, "I told her I'd stay with her. I've broken enough promises, I'm not about to break any more"

The doctor nodded, "Let me know when she wakes up" he said before leaving.

John turned back to her. He had taken so much time these last few days to admire her sleeping face, yet he didn't think he'd ever get tired of seeing it. He kissed her hand.


	33. Chapter 33

"Buchanan" he heard on the phone line.

"Hey, it's me"

"Hey John, what's up?"

"I figured I'd call with a status update. She's receiving the drug right now" he said, rubbing his thumb over hers.

"She okay?"

"Yeah, she's out cold"

"I haven't heard from you in a few days. I was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna tell me what was going on"

"Yeah, sorry. Guess I got distracted" John said, smiling at little as his favorite distraction.

Bo smiled, too, "Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Probably more than I should have" John answered.

"And did Natalie enjoy her few days of bliss?"

"I think she did" he said.

"So, what happens next?"

"We'll see when she wakes up" he said, "I'm not going to kid myself Bo. I could prove I love her for the rest of my life, it's not going to change what happened"

"At least you tried" he said, "And selfishly, I hope it gave you enough hope to keep trying"

"What have you got to gain out of this, anyway?"

"Well, for starters, I could get my best detective back. I could also see a dear friend of mine happy for the first time in his life. And I'd get to see my favorite niece be happy without faking it"

"Maybe she's better off without me"

"You don't really believe that"

"I've always believed that" he said quietly.

Despite the mumble, Bo heard his friend. He decided to change the topic, "What about Allison?"

"Pled insanity" he said, "The FBI promised me she wasn't going to any institutes in New York, New Jersey or Pennsylvania" he said.

"Well, it's not ideal, but I'm glad you at least got that"

"Well, I didn't do much" he admitted, "but I'm not about to let Allison Perkins hurt you guys anymore"

"So what's next for you? You coming back here or does the FBI have another assignment ready for you"

"I don't know what's next" he started, "but it's not the FBI"

"Can I ask why?"

"I'm barred"

"What?"

"I risked the case when I had an ambulance called and I refused to cooperate with the investigation to take care of her"

"And what are your thoughts on that?"

John gently brushed his hand along Natalie's face, "Screw 'em" he said.

Bo smiled, "So you finally made the right choice"

"Natalie needed me. There was never a choice"

"You know you have a job waiting for you"

"Yeah, well that's going to depend on how Natalie wakes up, isn't it?"

"She rescinded the restraining order. She wasn't the one to take it out"

"On some level, I always knew that" he said, "But I'm not going to go back if she doesn't want me there"

"Well, let me know what happens when she wakes up" he said.

"Yeah" he said.

He knew his time was winding down as he ran his hand through her hair again. He couldn't help himself from touching her, gently reassuring her he was still there. The time was doing damage on his nerves; all he could think of was everything he'd done to hurt her in the last seven years.

He'd asked her to move out when he needed her most after the accident. He'd made her life a living hell during that whole time.

He'd let her think they'd get married when he just wasn't ready to commit. To make it worse, he chose to talk to Marty over her.

He'd slept with Kelly on their wedding night and flaunted it in her face. He'd turned her away when she needed him, because he was the only person she could ever cry to.

He'd refused to stop her wedding. He knew what she doing, that she didn't love Brody, that she would have stopped it if he had asked her to if he had just told her how he felt.

He'd left her for a case again. After promising her he'd changed and knowing what it did to her when he chose work over her, he'd still left her to chase a lead. Worse, he didn't fight nearly as hard as he could have or as soon as he should have.

He looked at her face. He'd always known she deserved better than him. If she wanted it, she could have had a perfect husband that both her parents loved and supported her in anything she wanted to do and never fought with her, bought a mansion like her parents, a few kids that could have had anything they ever needed. And instead, she'd chosen him and a fleazy hotel room, a case of beer and a game of pool, a guy who couldn't tell her how he felt until it had almost been too late, and one baby boy who'd changed both their lives.

It was amazing to think about. They'd grown up within walking distance of each other. At any point, she could have been on the boardwalk at the same time as him, gone to the same beach, snuck into the same casino. She could have been one of countless, trouble-making teenagers he'd try to ignore as a beat cop. Well, he couldn't have ignored her; she surely would have turned his head. A twist of fate had landed them both in a cushy Philadelphia suburb and to each other. They'd both fought their connection for years and then later had flat out avoided it. In the end, they could never just forget about each other. When they'd been together and he let himself actually be there with her, there wasn't any place else he'd rather be. When she was with him, he felt like he was more than a cop, more than some miserable man just trying to get through the day. Those were the days that he looked forward to leaving work, to waking up in the morning or going to sleep because she was there with him. He'd often wondered if she'd never been found out to be an heiress and he'd never joined the FBI, would they have still found each other? He always thought that they would and that maybe it would have been simpler that way, two lost souls in a city of sin finding each other after lots of heartbreak beforehand. But he wouldn't trade a second of their time together for anything, she was the best thing to ever happen to him, heartbreak and all. Besides, when they were together, they might as well have been in AC for the all the care they paid to the outside world.

She didn't look or act like she hailed from a world of mansions and maids. No, when they were together, she was the AC girl she was at heart, rough and tumble mindset, a don't mess with me attitude, with a spitfire mouth. It was really no wonder he'd fallen so hard for her, when she was every boardwalk boy's dream. When she loved, she loved whole-heartedly, and God help the poor soul who threatened that. She had taken him into her heart and didn't look back, even though he gave her plenty of reasons to, and even if he hadn't given her the same thing in return. That was what he loved about her most, that she had given him a chance at love when no one, even himself, thought he was capable of loving her. As a result, he'd come to love her forever.


	34. Chapter 34

He saw her eyes flutter, and he felt himself hold his breath, unknowing of what was going to happen. She opened her eyes, registering he was still there. Wordlessly, their eyes met. He saw the love in her eyes shining back at him. His heart beat a little faster, thinking that maybe she didn't hate him after all. He didn't want to speak for fear the moment would leave him.

After that second was over, she looked away from him and ripped her hand out of his.

She might as well have ripped his heart out.

His chest felt hallow, and even though he regained the ability to breathe, he found the process more painful than he remembered. When she looked at him again, he could tell she'd gotten her emotions back in check, her eyes were iced over. Still beautiful blue, but there was no love there. He knew this what he deserved and what he told himself would happen, but that didn't stop it from hurting like it did.

"Why are you still here?" she asked, breaking the silence that had become awkward quickly.

"I told you I'd stay with you" he said, "Do you remember everything?"

"Yeah, I remember" she spat back at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She could see he was genuinely worried about her, and the thought warmed her heart a little. Maybe he did care after all- she stopped that thought before she could go any further. Having him back in her life would only cause her more heartbreak, and she'd had enough of that to last a lifetime.

"I'm fine"

"Do you remember the last few days?"

"Yes, I do" she said, "You took advantage of me. I have to admit, I'd never thought you could stoop so low"

The words hurt him, but he knew she had every right to be mad. "You're right. I shouldn't have done that. I hate myself for it; I knew it was wrong but-"

"But you can't regret it" she said, "You said that"

"No I can't" he said, "because it was a chance to be with you again. I thought-"

"I know what you thought. That maybe you could show me how much I mean to you" she said, "Just like you to think kissing me and a roll in the hay can fix everything"

"I love you"

"Yeah, right" she scoffed, "Those words aren't going to fix it either"

"Doesn't mean it's not true"

"You lied to me. You let me believe we were together, you didn't tell me about anything. Why we broke up, what you did. You let me think we were about to be engaged" she said, "So don't tell me that you love me. If you did, you wouldn't have lied, and you wouldn't have cheated on me"

"Nothing happened between me and Sam. It was a stupid, drunken kiss that I regretted the second it happened"

"You think that makes it okay?"

"I didn't say that"

"You know what, it doesn't even matter" she said, and tears were starting to form in her eyes, "I moved on, you know. Did you think about that while we were rolling around on the beach?" she said, "He turned out to be no better than you. He was screwing the bartender at Shelter the whole time he was convincing me I should give him a shot. And you know what, I did" she said, "Stupid me, thinking I could attract more than psychos and two timers" she said, wiping tears from her face, "So I guess I can't blame you. Guess I'm just not worth keeping" she said, looking down.

"Natalie, you're worth so much more that. You deserve better, and I can-"

"I don't want to hear it" she said, "I don't want to hear you promise anything, cuz you're only going to break it like you've broken every other one" she still wouldn't look at him. She wanted him to hurt, but she didn't want to see it reflected in his eyes, "Just tell me Liam's okay" she said, quietly.

"Yeah, Liam's okay. He's with your parents, he knows something happened, but he knows you're okay"

"And Todd and Victor?"

"They're down the hall, probably waking up just like you are" he said, "Natalie-"

"Don't. Just- don't" she said, "Call for the jet, and check on Victor and Todd, and leave me alone" she said.

John wanted more than anything to wipe her tears away and promise it could be different. He knew he couldn't fight her if she didn't want a fight. He didn't know what he could say.

"Natalie-" he tried one more time.

She looked at him with anger in her eyes, "Get out" she managed to say.

Silently, he left.

When the door shut, Natalie broke down in tears.

John walked out of her room feeling more defeated than he ever had. He felt tears stinging at the corner of his eyes, and he knew once he was alone with a bottle of whiskey, they'd be falling pretty fast. He ran his hand over his face, trying not to show to anyone looking how upset he was. He couldn't believe someone had the chance to be with Natalie and chosen someone else. The way she looked at him, she had been more heartbroken this year than ever, and he wasn't there to help her. He was willing to bet no one else knew about how hurt she really was, and she was never going to tell anyone else. And she was right, he was no better than the scum who'd cheated on her. He had broken a lot of promises, and she had every right to hate his guts.

He checked on the two Todds, saw they were awake, and left them. He knew he should talk to them, but he knew he wasn't in a state of mind to be responsible for his actions when the two of them went off on him about what he'd done to Natalie. He headed back to her room, knowing he wouldn't be allowed inside, but knowing he had to know if something were to go wrong.

"She awake?" the doctor asked from behind him.

"Yeah, she's awake. She remembers everything" he said, and he could hear how utterly defeated he sounded.

"I take it, things didn't work out between the two of you"

"I knew she'd hate me. I deserve it"

"Are you heading back in there?"

"She'll just kick me out again"

"Alright I'll examine her" he said, "Will you be leaving?"

"No, I need to know she's going to be okay. That she gets home safely"

Silently, the doctor headed into the room. John took a bracing breath and a few steps away from the door to call Bo.

"Hey, John, is she awake?"

"Yeah, she woke up a few minutes ago"

"She's okay?"

"She's getting examined now, but she seems fine. She got her memory back" he said, and before Bo could ask the next question added, "She asked to have the jet sent"

"Yeah, I'll do it right away" he said, and then after a pause asked, "Are you going to come with her on the jet?"

"No. I won't be" he said.

"That bad?"

"Worse than I imagined" he said, "She really hates me"

"She could never hate you"

"You didn't see the look in her eyes" he said.

"What about your job? I'd still like to have you back"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea. Natalie wouldn't-"

"You can't fight for her if you're not here"

"I'll think about it" he said to appease his friend, "but I need a few days"

"Crawling into a bottle never worked before, it's not going to work now"

John was silent. On some level he knew Bo was right, but he couldn't think of a better alternative.

Bo knew John wasn't going to answer to that, "Alright, John, just think about it. I'll let you know when the jet's expected to land"


	35. Chapter 35

"Hello, Ms. Buchanan" the doctor greeted as he came into the room.

Natalie quickly wiped the tears away before looking at the doctor, "Hi" she said, "I remember everything"

"So what year is it?"

"2013"

"You know where you are?"

"A remote hospital in Guam"

"Very good" he said, checking her charts, then moving on to her vital signs.

"Did the drug have any potential side effects?" she asked.

"No, it was perfectly safe. Agent McBain asked about that" he told her, filling in her information on her chart.

"Anything I need to know of?" she asked.

"You're doing well. You'll be discharged as soon as possible" he told her.

"Did I receive any other medical treatment?"

"Well, you were stabbed, so you had a blood transfusion when you first got here"

Natalie was shocked. How had she not remembered that? She supposed she would have been unconscious but why had no one told her?

"How much did I lose?"

"Three pints. We transfused two into you, it took well" he informed her.

"I'm sorry to ask this, but was the blood American, was it tested-"

"He didn't tell you?" the doctor asked.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Agent McBain donated those two pints of blood"

"He what? That's not safe"

"Well, he heard the paramedics say there wasn't going to be enough blood in the bank, and he didn't take no for an answer. We told him it wasn't safe, but he didn't care, and well there was a life at stake, so"

"He hates all things medical" she said, trying to make sense of the situation.

"Yeah, I got that" the doctor said, "He didn't leave your side, you know. He would have followed you into surgery if two nurses hadn't forced him to eat something. You were out for too long after the surgery, and he wasn't doing so hot either" he said, "He told me he knew what was going to happen when you remembered, I didn't believe him, especially when he insisted on getting the drug earlier. It might not be my place, but it's plain to see how much he loves you"

John sat with his head in his hands, still replaying every awful thing he'd ever done to her and convincing himself she was better off this way. As much as he tried, he couldn't shake the look of how hurt she'd looked when she'd told him she wasn't worth keeping. The knowledge that he instilled that in her was enough to make him hate himself.

"John?" he heard and finally looked up.

"Hey" he greeted Nate and Sara.

"How's she doing?" Sara asked.

"The doc says she'll be fine" John said.

"And you?" Nate asked.

"I've been through worse" John said.

"Can we go see her?" Sara asked.

"Of course" John said, "She'll be happy to see you"

"You coming with us?" she asked.

John just shook his head.

"Go ahead Sara, I'll catch up" Nate said, taking the seat next to John.

As Sara disappeared into Natalie's room, Nate looked at John's face. He looked like he'd aged a few years overnight.

"It was that bad?"

"Worse than I thought it'd be"

"What happened?"

"She told me I took advantage of the situation, that I lied to her, that I cheated" he said, "And she's right. I did all that. I tried to promise it would be different"

"She must have listened to that-"

"She told me my promises weren't worth much anymore. She's right about that, too" he said, "She looked so defeated. That was the worst part. I did that to her, I took the light out of her eyes"

"I saw the way she looked at you" Nate said, "Love like that can't just disappear. Somewhere deep down, she must still love you"

"There was this second right when she woke up, I think before she registered she was awake. She looked at me like nothing had happened, and I was so hopeful for that second" he said, "Then she ripped her hand away from mine and I knew there was no hope"

"You're not going to get her back by saying things like that" Nate said.

"Will you tell me if she's okay?" he asked, "I know what the doctor said, but-"

"Yeah" Nate said, understanding, standing up to go see her, "And John, I owe you a lot. So I'm going to tell you just like you told me. Pull your head out of your ass, and start thinking of how you're going to win her back"


	36. Chapter 36

"Natalie?" Sara asked as she came in, "How you feeling?"

"I'm good. Thanks for coming" she said, "And I can't thank you enough for lending me your clothes, I brought them back, they're not washed but-"

"It's no problem, just make sure you have something to wear home"

"Thank you so much"

"So" Sara insinuated.

"So what?"

"So how was last night? There's only so long before Nate comes back, and I want details" she said.

"Oh" Natalie said, "Um-"

"Did he like the dress?"

_God, you're beautiful_. He'd said that, and she remembered how her heart had skipped a beat in reaction, how he looked when he'd said it, how much love she'd heard in his voice.

"Yeah, I guess he did"

"Well, don't leave me hanging! Did he show you how much?" she practically burst.

Natalie couldn't help the tear that slipped out as she remembered that he had. She could feel the shudder he'd sent down her spine when his raspy "I love you" had left his lips. The thought only caused more tears.

"What's wrong, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"I hate him" she said, wiping the tears away, as if that would stop them.

"Honey, no one cries like that because they hate someone"

"I should though. He took advantage of me and the whole situation, he left me, he lied-" she couldn't keep going for the tears rolling down her face.

"And he took care of you, and he wouldn't rest until he knew you were okay. And he made sure you weren't alone"

"It worked to his benefit" she said, though she knew this was a weak defense.

"He really could have lied to you. Told you it was 2006, took you away, lied to you forever, you would have gone and been none the wiser" she said, "Instead he made sure you'd get the drug to make you better. He pulled strings to get it early"

"That doesn't undo everything he did before" she said, still crying.

They were interrupted when Nate came in.

"Hey" he said simply.

"Hey" Sara greeted him for the both of them.

"How're you doing Natalie?"

Natalie wiped her tears and was about to tell him she was fine when he cut her off.

"It doesn't make much sense to me that when two people could be so happy together they choose to be miserable by themselves" he told her.

"He lied to me" she repeated.

"He didn't like it"

"Then he shouldn't have done it" she said.

"He's just about as bad as you are right now" he said, "Won't say it, neither will you, but I can tell"

"No offense guys, but you don't know-"

"John told me all about your story" Nate said, "Yeah, he made a lot of mistakes. He regrets it, and I bet you do too. But is your pride worth losing more time?"

"_Don't for a second think that I haven't been happy these last few days. To have the chance to hold you and tell you I love you- I wouldn't trade it for anything_" He had been genuine, she'd heard it in his voice. He really did want those few days, he really meant what he'd said. She could always tell when he was lying, especially to her. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, there were a million examples of times he'd kept things from her. This had been no different, he'd just led her along and taken advantage of her.

"This isn't about pride" she came back through her tears, "He lied to me about everything. We haven't been together in over a year, and he just let me believe-"

"That he cares about you and loves you?"

"Nate-" Sara tried to interject.

"If he loved me, he wouldn't have cheated"

"Do you really believe that?" Nate asked, "That you mean so little to him? How do you explain the last few days, then?"

"He really does care, Natalie" Sara said softly, "He wouldn't leave your side for anything when you were out of it. Nate thought he'd die from lack of sleep or starving himself before he left you alone"

"Did he tell you he gave me blood?" Natalie asked softly, "I don't believe he even remembered"

_"We're good" John said, hanging up the phone, "We can get married tonight"_

_"We don't have a license"_

_"I know the clerk at City Hall"_

_"What about witnesses?"_

_"I already called Brody, I'm Jess is waiting for you to ask"_

_"Pennsylvania mandates a blood test"_

_"Yeah, the judge said since we're both in law, we'd need to know and since you were an FT, you'd already know the important stuff-"_

_Natalie wrapped her arms around his neck, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. She kissed him lightly. _

_"I probably sound crazy right now. I do want this" she said. _

_"Too late to back out now" he said, smiling. _

_"Okay, listen to me" she said, "I want you to know, just in case- I'll run a blood test for us later in case you ever forget, and I'll call Michael so he knows in case you forget"_

_"What?" he asked. _

_"Your blood type is O positive. Mine is A positive. That means if something were to happen, you could donate to me. I couldn't give you blood" she said, "But I promise if it comes to that, I won't rest until I know you're going to be okay" she said, laying a hand on the side of his face. _

_"I know you won't" he said. _

_"Alright" she said, "I guess we're really doing this"_

_"Been a long time coming"_

_"So not how I pictured it" _

_"What? Marrying me?"_

_"No, it's always been you" she said, "I just always thought I'd force you into a big wedding, reception, free bar"_

_"Of course" he said, through a smile. _

_"And I'm sure you always thought you'd make love to your wife on your wedding night"_

_"Well, you didn't get this way for lack of doing so" he joked, rubbing her very pregnant belly. _

_"That doesn't bother you at all?" she asked skeptically. _

_"I'll tell you what. Once this little one's born and its safe again, and believe me am I counting, you and I can have a private reception up on the roof, and then I'll carry you across our threshold, and I'll make love to you all night"_

_"That sounds great" she said, "So you're okay with this?"_

_"You'll be there?"_

_"Yeah, I'll be there" _

_"Then it'll be the wedding I've always wanted"_

_Natalie kissed him. _

_"What time do I need to be there?"_

_"11"_

_She took a deep breath. "Oh my God"_

_"Yeah, I know you, you got a bunch of stuff to do. Go, you're gonna need the time"_

_"I love you"_

_John kissed her, murmuring an indistinguishable, "You too" against her lips._

"He did what?

"He donated blood when I first got here, more than he should have actually. He didn't tell me" Natalie was confused.

"I'm sure that with the rest of the drama, it didn't come up" Nate said.

"Maybe" Natalie said quietly.

"He loves you" Sara told her, "I could see it in how he looked at you yesterday. He must have thought you were the only one in the bar"

"He's always looked at me like that" she said quietly.

"Love like that only comes once in a lifetime" Nate said, "Throwing it away would be a waste"

"What if he hurts me again?"

"I think it's worth the risk" Sara said, "Yeah, you might get hurt, but is that worth never feeling happy again?" she said, "And you were so happy when he was with you. I know deep down you love him"

"He'll just leave me for a case again" Natalie said, trying to find a reason this wouldn't work again.

"No he won't" Nate said.

"Maybe not for a while, but at some point-"

"Well, he might mentally, but, he's not going to the FBI again" Nate said.

"Maybe not right away, but when they need him again-"

"He's been barred"

"What?" Sara exclaimed.

"Why?"

"He lost it when he found you, there was a lot of blood. He asked to have an ambulance called and I did" he said, "So he could have blown the sting. And then when he said that he knew about Allison Perkins, he also said he wouldn't be interrogating anyone because he wasn't going to leave you alone" he explained, "Actually, I think the only reason the other guys didn't flat out kill him over it was because I figured out it was you and they felt bad for him"

"He chose me" she said quietly, a tear rolled down her face.

_"I'm only going to say this once, so listen good. I don't know what we've been doing these last few years, but you belong with me"_

He'd chosen her then, and he'd chosen her now. Every time, she convinced herself he'd finished with her that he'd moved on and she was left clinging to the past. If he had chosen her over the FBI, maybe there was hope for them, maybe all this had been worth it to know in the end that they were meant to be together.

"What about the other woman?" she asked quietly, needing to hear the answer she'd known for a year.

"I know what happened, but there was never really another woman" Nate answered, "At least, not like you. John said he knew he made a mistake leaving you for a case and everything that happened after that, and he wants nothing more than to be able to fix it"

"You okay?" Sara asked her.

"I was really hard on him"

"It's not too late" Nate told her.

"You two could be really happy together" Sara said, "and we got our happiness because of your story. We just want to see you guys happy too"

_"It would make me really happy to put that ring on your finger and see it through this time"_ She had been so sure she'd wake up and ask him for it. It must have hurt him to see her be so sure and know she'd all but spit in his eye when she woke up. For the first time, she was realizing how much those three days must have taken a toll on John. Sure, he'd smiled and held her but the whole time he knew what would become of it. He'd been so careful not to lead them too far. Except for last night, though she supposed they both had gotten lost in the moment, like they always did. It had felt so right to be with him like that again, his wonderful weight pressing into her. It had made her feel alive in a way she hadn't in months, in a way she never had with anyone else. If she was honest with herself, she didn't want to never feel that way again. Her dream hadn't changed, even she hadn't vocalized it in the last year, all she'd wanted was for John to come home and for them to get married, to be happy together for the rest of their lives. He'd been the only one who'd ever really understood her, who'd ever believed in her unconditionally or who'd ever understood how proud she was when she accomplished something. When she'd gotten her FT license, her parents had been proud sure and Jess had congratulated her, but John had been the only one to tell her he was happy for her and that she could do anything she wanted in the world. In a lot of ways, she had already made this decision, and now they just had to follow it through. She only wondered if she hadn't driven him too far away with her coldness earlier

"Will you tell him I want to talk to him?" she said, and she knew her voice gave away how scared she was.

"Anything else?" Nate asked.

"No" she said.

John sat with his head in his hands, he knew Nate was right, that he should fight for her, follow her home and make her see how much he loved her. But right now, he just felt defeated. He'd put his heart on the line the last few days to show her he still loved her and she had shot him down flat. She thought of him as just another bad decision she'd made, another mistake in the people she'd let in her life. It wasn't far from the truth, her life would be a lot less complicated if he'd just stayed out of it. When they'd broken up before, he'd tried convincing himself she was better off without him, after all she'd gotten married, had a successful career in business and gotten certified in forensics while they'd been apart. Her life had been torn apart and she'd it back together, all without him to help her. He knew she'd be fine without him, but he also knew he could never be fine without her.

"Hey" he heard, and finally sat up to see Jake sitting down in the chair next to him.

"What now?" John said in response. He couldn't deal with Jake right now.

"Didn't think you should be alone"

"Like you care"

"Here" Jake said, handing John a cup of coffee.

"I could use something stronger" John said, taking it and taking a sip.

"Yeah, but you look like shit" Jake said.

"Nothing a few days and few bottles of Jack won't fix" John said, trying to make it sound like he'd get over it.

"Same old John" Jake said and when John looked at him to question it he answered, "I remember what you were like after Caitlyn. Work til you couldn't work anymore, drink til you fell asleep. Eventually, you just kept working"

"That was different"

"Yeah. Cuz you never looked at Caitlyn the way you looked at Natalie"

John looked into his coffee, unwilling to face the pity that would be in his friend's eyes, "Well, she's not looking back at me like she was"

"I get it, you know" he said.

"Oh, you get it? That's why you've been a jerk this whole time, because you get it?" he said, clearly agitated.

"I didn't- I didn't mean to come off that way, the whole situation, it just hit close to home and I reacted before I could think about it" he said, "I'd been dating this girl for almost a year, and I started thinking she might have been the one" he paused, "then they put me back undercover and I told her I'd be leaving and I didn't know when I'd be back. She left, told me she couldn't deal with being a fed's girl if it meant constantly being second to the job"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-" John started to apologize.

"No, you're entitled. You had to deal with an impossible situation and you're hurting" he said, "And I was a jerk"

"We've had fights before, she's left me before. I should be used to it"

"If she's the one, it'll always hurt. It's never going to get any easier"

"That's promising" John said, and took another sip of coffee.

"I am sorry I reported you. If I had thought about it, I would have done exactly what you did"

"I'm not angry about that. I did break procedure, I left you guys high and dry. I deserve to lose my job"

"Rough week. Lost your job and your girlfriend"

"Natalie's never been just my girlfriend"

"I could tell"

"Maybe it's a blessing in disguise" he said, "My old boss wants me to take my old job. I'd be close to her"

"Can you deal with that if she never gives in?"

"I don't know" he said, "I've dealt with her hating me before. If I can just see her-" he said, "I don't know, I'd be fine as long as she didn't move on. But I can't stop that"

"And I don't suppose you plan on moving on"

"Not after her. I can't. I've tried, but I can't"

"Cuz you love her"

"I ignored that for so long. When I finally got it, I left for a case. Now it's too late"

"I saw the way she looked at you. Somewhere in her heart, she has to still love you"

"I do believe that. I just don't know if that's enough anymore"


	37. Chapter 37

The two men sat in silence until they saw Nate and Sara come out of Natalie's room and head towards them. John's heart beat a little faster at the unreadable expression on both of their faces. Was Natalie okay? Was she still convinced she wasn't worth keeping? Could he even do anything to change it?

"Hey" Nate said, "Everything okay here?" he asked, wondering how Jake and John were acting civil towards each other.

"Yeah" Jake said, "Just wanted to check in, but um, I guess I'll be going. Our plane's leaving in a bit. Thanks for everything Nate"

"Thanks for the opportunity" Nate said as Jake left. Once he was gone he turned to John, "He giving you more grief?"

"No, he apologized, actually" John said, but then asked the only question he really cared about, "How is she?"  
Nate and Sara looked at each other.

"You can guess" Nate said.

"I was afraid of that" he said. She was still upset, still convinced she wasn't worth someone's time, that she was a burden. He wanted nothing more than to prove her wrong, show her she was so much more than that.

"She asked for you" Nate said.

John looked at the two of them for a minute, unbelieving of what he was hearing, "You sure about that?"

They both nodded.

"She asked us not to say anything else" Sara added.

He was sure she was only going to ask about the jet and chew him out again, but he went in without another word. If she was willing to talk to him, even if it was an argument, he wasn't about to turn it down. If she wanted a fight, he'd give her one, because if they were fighting, at least she was willing to see him.

Natalie wiped a tear away when she saw the door open. She hadn't really stopped crying since she woke up, and now that she'd admitted it to herself, all she wanted was for John to wipe her tears away and tell her it was all going to be okay. She didn't know what she'd say when he came, and it looked like her time to think about it was up.

Their eyes met. Natalie could see how defeated he looked, how tired. She knew him well, and she could guess he had spent more hours watching her sleep than actually sleeping, in addition to the days she'd spent in the hospital, during which she knew he hadn't slept a wink. He cared so much that she was going to be okay, and thanks to him, she was. Once again, her decision became clear.

She was trying to hide her tears. For a second, neither said anything, but he could see the pain in her eyes, the pain he had put there. She used to know she didn't have to hide her tears from him, that he could never think less of her because of it. It was his fault she no longer knew that, that she couldn't trust him anymore. He'd done this to her, and he would give all he could to give it back to her. He figured maybe if he started, maybe they could build their friendship back, and he could work on it from there.

"Nate said you wanted to talk to me. I called Bo, the jets on the way, you'll have to go back with Lord and Manning, so I don't envy you, but we'll get you home"

She smiled, and in response, he took a few steps closer. He was trying so hard to make sure he didn't upset her. As he came closer, she finally spoke, "So where is it?"

"Where's what?" he asked, now next to her.

She could see he was thoroughly confused, and she smiled through her tears. She held out her left hand so he would get what she was saying. "You said if I wanted it, it was mine"

Instinctively, he took her hand and looked into her eyes, searching them to understand what she was saying. It took him a minute to get it, and another to find his voice. He could hear the shake in his voice when he finally asked her, "You mean it?"

She nodded her head yes and in the next second, John had sat down next to her and hugged her flush against him. He didn't understand how his life had taken such a dramatic one-eighty turn, but right now he just wanted to hug Natalie, hold her and remember this moment forever.  
As soon as John was sure this was really happening, he let Natalie go, still holding onto her hand. He pushed her hair back, smiling just a little as he became positive from the look in her eyes that this was what she really wanted.

"So where is it?" she asked again.

"It's at the house. I didn't want to bring it, I figured-"

"Okay" she said, "We'll have to go back and pack anyway"

"Can I ask why?"

She laid a hand on the side of his face. "Because after I thought about it, I realized how much you had to give up these last few days, and all that you must have gone through because of it, and why you'd do all that for me, and the only reason is that you love me"

"I love you so much" he said.

They kissed for a short moment, and then John held her again, resting his face on her shoulder and a few tears escaping.

"John" she said, when she felt his tears, "Are you okay?" she asked when he looked at her again.

"I just, I was convinced you'd never let me see you again, and now we're getting married"

"I do have conditions" she said.

"Name em. I'm not screwing this up again"

"We stay engaged for a year. You have to leave the station by 7, and you don't work on the weekend. And you're not going out of town for more than a day without me"

"I'd say that's more than fair" he said.

"I want this to work" she said.

"We'll make it work" he said, "You didn't want me to ask?"

"No. I already got one perfect proposal from you, why should you try and top it, you won't be able to"

"I'm glad you liked it so much, it was hell on me"

"Maybe that was half the fun" Natalie said, "Can I ask you one question?"

"Of course"

"Why'd you do it?"

He knew she was asking about their time on the beach, and how he'd let it get that far. He could see she wasn't angry, but at the same time, he knew she must feel a little upset or betrayed. He pushed her hair back, saw her lean into his touch, and knew she wasn't going to be angry at his answer.

"You know, you've never been vain or really cared what you looked like in front of me, and I have to admit I've always found that pretty sexy, but you know when you didn't remember, you would say these things about how you looked and if I could even still think of you that way anymore. For the last three days, you were twenty-five, and you looked at me just like you did then, and I felt like I was young again" he said, "Last night, I don't know you looked at me the way you do and all of a sudden I forgot, too. For a while, it felt like it used to back then, when it was just you and me and you could always make me forget" he said, "I knew it was wrong, but, the moment just felt so right"

Natalie smiled, "I guess I do have that power over you"

He smiled back, "Bo offered me my job back. He really wants me to take it"

"You should" she said, "We should also open Rodi's backup"

"You promise this isn't a dream?"

"It's real"

"Thank you"

"I should be thanking you. You really went out of your way to make sure I'd be okay" she said, "You never mentioned you gave me two pints of blood"

He half chuckled, "Sounds dumb, but with everything else, I forgot about that"

"Did you get yourself checked out? That wasn't safe"

"Yeah, well, I wasn't about to risk it" he said, "besides, what's a few pints of blood when I get you and my whole life back"

"I can't wait to go home with you"

"Where is home?" he said, "If you want to wait, I'll get a room at Angel's Square, but-"

"I got an apartment. Right by where the house was. It's big, Liam has his own room, my bedroom has a bathroom attached. I have plenty of room. And I've spent enough nights by myself to last a lifetime"

He looked down, "It's been a long a year. I've missed you"

"The restraining order- John, it wasn't me"

"I know that now. I should've known right away"

"I know you didn't cheat, not really"

John looked at her, and at this moment, he wanted to know the answer to the question that was plaguing him, "Earlier, you said there was another guy-"

"It was a mistake and I should have known that from the beginning" she said, wanting him to understand where her head had been when she had so stupidly made that mistake.

"I get it, of all people, I get that" he said, "but- he cheated on you?"

"I should have made myself more explicit"

"Don't do that. You deserve better than that"

"Yeah, he did"

"Who was he?" he asked.

Natalie could tell from the tone of his voice that John was ready to do some serious damage to this guy for hurting her. She didn't know if he really deserved that, after all she had been dumb enough to walk into it blinded, "John-" she started.

"I won't hurt him" he said, "but I'll damn sure he understands how much he screwed up"

"When you hear his name, you'll understand, I really should have seen it coming"

"I don't care" he said.

She sighed, seeing no way around it, he was a good detective and he knew her well, if she didn't give it up, he'd just keep trying, "It was Cutter" she said, quietly.

"Wentworth?" he asked.

"I told you, I was dumb" she said.

"I guess we've both made mistakes" he said.

"You didn't sleep with a con"

"I just want you to know, in case you didn't" he said, "You are worth keeping, Natalie. You're worth all of it. The cushy suburbs, the overbearing in laws, 2 am wake ups. Doing it all with you, it doesn't seem so scary. I'd do anything if it meant keeping you for myself"

"I'm yours. I always have been" she said, "and I want you to know, the other day you said something about Jared-" she paused for a second, trying to find the words.

"Natalie, I shouldn't have-"

"You were right. I did love him. But not the same way I love you" she said, "I've never loved anyone like I love you" she said, "And the fact that even when I told you I didn't need to remember, that you wanted me to remember him-"

"I want all of you, Natalie, past included"

Their moment was interrupted when the doctor came back in with release forms. He stopped short at the scene in front of him since it was so vastly different from the state he'd last seen things in.

"So I take it things have changed for the better?" he asked the two.

"Definitely" Natalie said.

"I'm glad to hear it"

"Well, then maybe you'd like to know she's agreed to marry me" John said through a smile, though his eyes didn't stray from Natalie's.

"I'm sure the two out in the hall would be happy hear to hear that" he said, "congratulations" he said.

Shortly, the matter of Natalie's release was out of the way, and once dressed, the two happy couples celebrated briefly in the hallway.


	38. Chapter 38

In short order, Natalie and John had everything packed up, and had Todd and Victor released from the hospital. Once they had gotten everything packed, John had insisted on getting on one knee to put the ring on her finger, and they both shed a few tears when it finally came to rest on her rightful finger. Shortly, they had headed to the lone airfield on the small island and they, along with Todd and Victor, were boarding the Buchanan jet, heading towards home and away from paradise. John and Natalie sat holding hands across from Todd and Victor, who were already trying John's temper.

Natalie found herself tiring as soon as the plane hit altitude, and she leaned into John's shoulder to be more comfortable. He put his arm around her, holding her left hand so they could both admire the ring as she relaxed. Victor audibly snorted.

"Watch it, Manning" John said without looking up.

"I didn't do anything" Todd whined.

"Sorry, reflex" John responded, "You okay?" he asked Natalie in a completely different tone.

"Great" she said, "We have to call your mom" she told him.

"That's assuming I live through your family finding out" he said.

"You don't want to call her" she teased.

"She's going to yell at me. I haven't called her in a while"

"Why not?"

"She's going to have questions and I'm not too proud of the answers"

"All that matters is the end"

"You actually said you'd marry him? After everything he did?" Todd asked her, "Are you sure you're not the crazy twin?"

"You know if it hadn't been for you, this would have happened a long time ago, and we might not even be here right now" she said.

"Still dumb" Victor said.

"I thought you guys didn't agree on anything" she said.

"Oh we don't" Victor said.

"With the exception of the mutual love for the kids and mutual dislike of McBain" Todd added.

"Just ignore them, I do" John said.

"You're not related, yet"

"Do I have to claim them as in-laws?"

"We'll work it out in the pre-nup my father will force down your throat" Natalie said.

"Can you blame him?" Todd asked.

"Doesn't matter. I can't take any of your inheritance anyway"

"Not going to stop him" Natalie said.

"Well, if that's all it's going to take-"

"Yeah, right" Victor said, "It would take a bolt of lightning to get Clint to change his mind about you"

"Well, then it's a good thing it's not his choice to make. Its mine and I don't care what either of you or my father has to say about it" Natalie said, then looked into John's eyes and said just to him, "I mean it. I choose you. I always will"

"Well, I recall once telling you that above all others you belong with me. That's always been true"

Gently, John leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was brief, but passionate enough to relay their feelings. When they came up for air, their foreheads rested on each other's, not yet ready to leave the kiss, and unable to resist, shared another quick kiss.

"Oh get a room" Todd complained.

That was enough to force John and Natalie to remember they were not alone. They looked back to the twins.

"Really? Cuz we can do get one, if you'd really like" Natalie said, motioning to the private bedroom that was in the back of the plane.

"Please no. I can live without that image" Victor added.

"Shut up" John told him.

The four of them cohabitated with each other for a while in amicable silence. If John and Natalie tried, they could forget Todd and Victor and enjoy the silence and comfort between the two of them. John went to whisper in her ear so the twins couldn't hear his appraisal of her.

"You look real pretty right now, especially in those shorts. You've got a fine pair of legs" he whispered, flirting. When she smiled and blushed, he kept going, enjoying her reaction, "I don't suppose you could keep them, not send that back"

"You see me enough anyway" she whispered right back.

He kissed her head, "You're right. I just missed all summer and the opportunity to see you in shorts all the time"

"There's still a few weeks left of summer" she told him, "And I know plenty of other ways to drive you crazy" she flirted right back at him.

He went to kiss her again, and although he would have loved to have her show him all the ways she could drive him crazy, he could hear Manning and Lord starting to mock them. When they came up for air, they were treated to the twins making kissy faces at the two of them, tongue included.

"I miss the days where you guys didn't get along" Natalie said.

"God help me with the two of you running around town. My job just got ten times harder."

"Don't tell me you got your job back. Not after you left it to go chasing around pointless leads in Port Charles" Todd asked.

"I did. Lucky for the two of you, there wasn't anyone qualified enough to take my place" John explained.

"It's been a hot mess. The drug circle came back, there's been murders over it" she said, "and the cops that haven't been trying to get with me are all in Cutter's pocket"

"Oh Cutter's involved?" John asked, "I will take pleasure in flushing him out and putting him in jail where belongs"

"Am I missing something?" Victor asked.

"Oh, Natalie and Cutter were getting it on for a while and surprise, he'd been two timing her" Todd explained.

"Oh, like McBain did?" Victor asked.

"Yeah, exactly like McBain did" Todd clarified.

"I made a mistake, and neither of you are in a position to judge me over that" she said.

"How much longer til we land? I want to see Blair" Todd complained.

"Did you tell Bo we were coming?" victor asked.

"Yeah, he knows, I'm sure he told Tea and Blair" he said, "I didn't tell him I was coming" he told Natalie, "and your dad never even knew you were with me"

"It'll be okay" she said, "He's going to blow up at both of us, but you know what? We don't have to go home with him, and eventually he's going to have to get over it, cuz he's going to have to claim you as a son in law"

"You have so much confidence that this going to be okay" he said, "He's going to be angry. He's going to call me names. That doesn't scare you?"

"We've been through worse, haven't we?" she asked, "Do you think they'll bring Liam?"

"I'm sure your Mom will insist on doing so if an argument arises" he told her.

"I hope she's been okay. She and my dad had a huge falling out before everything"

"My understanding is that they've tabled that to take care of Liam" John told her.

The pilot announced they were beginning to descend, and all four of them noticeably took a deep breath, preparing to reenter their normal lives.

"You ready for this?" he asked her.

"I've got you, that's all the backup I need" she said.

Once they felt the impact of landing and the plane stop, they began gathering their things, which were admittedly sparse due to the kidnapping, but John insisted on carrying the small suitcase that held Natalie's dress and the few items that Sara had given her while still in Guam.

"John-" she tried protesting once again.

"Natalie, you know what's about to happen, if you carry your bags, it's only going to get lost when you get ambushed from all directions"

"Maybe you're right" she said, "and you know how it turns me on when you act all chivalrous"

"I knew there was an upside for me" he teased.

"Seriously, you two, cool it on the coupleness" Todd whined.

"Yeah, some of us have wives we had to wait to get back to" Victor added.

"I'm getting really tired of telling you two to shut up" John said.

Todd and Victor went back to trying to ignore the two of them.

"You think they're bad?" Natalie asked, "My dad's going to be much worse"

"I know" he said, and pushed her hair back.

The pilot announced that they were at their assigned gate, and were free to leave. The four went towards the exit, but once they were just around the corner from where her family could see her, they stopped.

"What's wrong?" Natalie asked him.

"Can I ask a favor?"

"Of course"

"One last kiss before we go out there?"

Natalie brought one hand behind his head, pulling him down to her. She kissed him deeply, melting into him.

"Oh, I don't need to see this again" Victor complained, going around them.

"Bleh" Todd added, following his twin.

John and Natalie just smiled at each other.

"I love you" he said.

"I love you, too" she said, and kissed him again, "We're going to be fine. No matter what happens out there"

"I know, I just, I wouldn't blame you"

"No" she said, "We're doing this, and you're gonna prove yourself to me for a year, and then we're going to get married and be together forever"

"And you're sure that once you remember how awful-"

"You said you just wanted me to be happy. I've only ever been happy when I'm with you. So I guess you owe it to me"

He smiled and kissed her again. "Alright, I guess I've hogged you enough. There are plenty of people that want to see you"

"I mean it, you know. I'm holding you to this" she said, indicating her ring finger, "I'm not letting it come off this time"

"Maybe we should superglue it, just in case" he teased, as they started towards her family.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea" she said, laughing.

As soon as Natalie crossed the threshold of the airport, she was engulfed in a hug from her mom, dad, and Liam. John smiled, looking on, unnoticed for now, as she reunited with her family.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm so glad you're safe" her mother gushed, "we were worried sick, Bo looked for you night and day, Rex wouldn't stop either. Jessie wanted

to fly out, but I told her not to"

"I'm okay mom, I promise"

"Allison didn't get to you?" Clint asked, "Nothing's wrong? You're really okay?"

"Well, she did, and it was a little bit of a bumpy ride, but I got through it" Natalie said.

"Of course you did, that's what Buchanan's do" Clint said.

"Momma, I missed you so much" Liam said, "Grandma and Grandpa kept telling me you were coming back, I'm so happy"

"Of course I was coming back" she said, getting down to Liam's level, "I would never leave you for good, would I?"

"No, you wouldn't. I knew you'd come back for me" he threw himself in Natalie's arms, and she cried just a little at holding her baby boy again.

"Alright Liam, Mommy's got to hug one more important person"

"Natalie" Bo said, "I'm so glad you're okay"

"I guess I have you to thank for it" she said, as he embraced her, "John said you didn't stop looking"

"I never would have" he said, "but he deserves the thanks, he's the one who found you, took care of you"

Natalie just smiled and shed another single tear as she remembered how close she came to throwing the best thing to ever happen to her away. "Guess I was pretty lucky" she whispered.

"So, tell us what happened" Viki started, "What did Allison want? What happened to her?"

"Did she hurt you? Did she get put away?" Clint added.

While Natalie recanted the tale of her kidnapping, Bo and Liam noticed who was just now moving out of the doorway to the plane's entrance, moving two bags out of the way, trying his best to stay out the way of this family reunion. As Bo looked around him, he saw Todd and Blair in a corner, Tea and Victor in another, and Natalie engulfed by both her parents, he and his grandnephew hovering near her as well, it seemed incredibly sad that he was not partaking in the reunion. Silently, Bo made his way towards his friend, and Liam, ever watchful of what was going on around him, followed suit, staying quietly behind Bo.

"Hey" Bo said.

"Hi, Bo" John said.

John was aware that Liam was hiding behind Bo, but he actually found it kind of entertaining that Bo had yet to notice, and he was wondering when his son would make himself known.

"I didn't think you were coming" he said, though the question was out there.

"Yeah, there was a last minute change of plans" John said, smiling at Natalie again.

"So how long are you here for?"

"For good" John said.

"Daddy?" Liam finally spoke, and Bo jumped a little bit with surprise.

"Yeah, buddy" John said, kneeling down to Liam's height.

"Do you mean that?" he said, "You're staying with me and momma for good?"

"Yeah, I mean it. I won't leave you again"

With that, Liam flung himself in his father's arms, and John hugged him close.

"I missed you so much, buddy" John told his son.

"I missed you, too, Daddy" he said, "Momma's great, but she needs help sometimes" he said.

"Did she say that?" John asked, though he knew what Liam was about to say.

"No, but I can tell"

"I have no doubt of that" John said, "Did you have fun with your grandparents?"

"Yeah, but I'm excited to have fun with you"

"Me too, buddy" John, said.

John picked Liam up to resume talking to Bo.

"So you're coming back to work?" Bo asked.

"If you'll have me"

"Only until this guy's ready to take over" Bo said, tickling Liam.

"Momma says I can do whatever I want as long as I go to school" Liam said.

"That's right" John said.

"So, how'd you get her to change her mind?" Bo asked.

"I didn't. I'd just about accepted a fate of miserable existence, and she asked me back in the room" he said, "she has her reasons, I'm still not sure quite how it all happened, but she said yes"

"Yes?"

"She's wearing my mom's ring"

"You're getting married?" Bo asked, quietly.

"You and Momma are getting married?" Liam asked, loudly from where he was perched in John's arms.

The whole room turned to look at the little boy in the arms of his father. Natalie and John's eyes met, communicating the same thought. This was not how this subject should be breached.

"What's he doing here?" Clint said, and everyone could hear the anger in his voice.

"Dad, John's the one who found me" Natalie said.

"That played right into his hands, didn't it?" Clint said.

"Of course not. I never wished what happened to her, I never wanted her to get hurt-" John defended.

"You were hurt?" Viki asked.

"Yeah, but I'm fine now. Thanks to John" Natalie said.

"Typical, riding into the rescue. When you gonna leave this time?" Clint taunted him.

"Dad!" Natalie said, then threw a look at John.

He had the same thought. He turned to Bo, "Hey, take Liam out of here for a bit. No need for you to get thrown under the bus too" John said, putting Liam in Bo's arms.

"You knew?" Clint asked Bo.

"He couldn't compromise the FBI case" Natalie said, "you can't be angry at Uncle Bo" she told Clint, giving Bo the chance to make his escape.

"That's cute, save your uncle by shadowing your son from the type of man his father is" Clint told her.

"John is an excellent father, which you would know by now if you hadn't kept him away"

"I did that to protect you"

"I don't need you to protect me from John" she said, physically putting herself in front of John, needing his strength if they were going to win this battle.

"How many times have you been down this road, Natalie? Don't you ever learn from your mistakes?" Clint exploded.

"You're one to talk" Todd scoffed.

"Shut it, Todd" Clint yelled, "I mean it, Natalie. How many times can John leave you or hurt you before you finally figure out that's all he's ever going to do?"

"Will you listen to me for once" Natalie yelled right back, "yeah, John may have hurt me before. But I've hurt him, too, hell, I've been the one to drive him away before, but John has been the only man who has ever really loved me. And I love him, and nothing you can do will ever change that"

"Clint, she does have a point" Viki said, touching his shoulder.

"You knew?" Clint asked, "Was I the only one kept in the dark about this?"

"We knew what you'd do" Viki said, "And I knew John would take care of Natalie, because he always has"

"And he always leaves" Clint added.

"Not this time" John said, "And for the record, the only reason I didn't come back was the restraining order"

"And how can you possibly promise that? What good is your word anymore?" Clint said.

"I told him we had to stay engaged for a year before we could get married" Natalie said, "that, in addition to some other things he agreed to and stuff that happened, I know"

"My word might not mean anything to you, but I have no intention of ever leaving Natalie or Liam again. I missed my dad a lot growing up, and I'm not about to do the same thing to Liam. And I will sign whatever the hell you want me to if makes you feel better" John said.

"That means you won't get any money when you inevitably divorce" Clint said, sure that would change his mind.

John put his hand on Natalie's shoulder. This was what he truly hated about her father, and he knew she didn't like it either, how he was so sure of himself because he had money. "Well, Clint, that's what makes you and I very different people. I've never cared about Natalie's inheritance. Most days, I forget about it, hell, we lived in the Angel Square Hotel. And I know just as well as you do that Natalie put her inheritance in a trust, for Liam's college tuition and any other kids we might have. So go ahead, write the prenup, I'll sign it" he said, "As for divorce, well, I guess I take marriage a little more seriously than some people in this town, but I believe marriage is until death do us part, and Natalie can assure you, she made sure I meant that before she said yes"

"You bastard, you think you have all the answers, don't you? " Clint said.

"Clint" Viki said, "We owe our daughter's life to John, many times over. We should be thanking him" she reprimanded, "I do mean that John, we can never repay you. You've always taken such good care of Natalie when needed"

"Well, my actions weren't completely selfless, I did get Natalie back after all" he said.

Natalie smiled.

"You think that's going to change what happened?"

"I can't change what happened. I regret it, I've apologized to Natalie, and she's made her expectations of the next year crystal clear where me leaving is concerned" he said.

"You think you're taking the high road, don't you?" Clint scoffed at John, "You SOB, didn't even ask my permission to take my daughter's hand"

"Excuse me?" Natalie said, stepping out of John's hold on her shoulder, "How dare he not ask your permission to marry me? Are you fucking kidding me? I don't need your permission to do anything. I'm a grown woman, I have my own kid. I've been making my own decisions since I was ten, I didn't need your permission then, let alone now. You haven't been in my life long enough to think you seriously have a say in who I choose to be with. That is no one's choice but my own"

"What a shell of a man, hiding behind your girlfriend" Clint taunted.

"First off, fiancé" Natalie said, "John is twice the man you'll ever be" she said, finally reverting back to speaking.

"I think you got that backwards" Clint said, just as calmly as she did.

"No" she said, "because he knows me. Thinks of me as a person. He loves me" she said, "And you, you think I care about your blessing. You used me as a pawn in some twisted game you played with my life. You made my decisions for me. You didn't care to see me when you found out I was your daughter. Just up and decide to move here one day and bam, for the first time in my life, I have a dad" she said, "So you don't get to stand there and tell me I chose a lesser man than you because he lets me fight my own battles, because he acknowledges that I've been doing that my whole life. From where I'm standing, the one who looks small is you"

"Natalie, you know I never meant-" Clint started.

"I don't care what you did or didn't mean. What happened happened, and we can't change it now" she said, "I forgave you. I gave you another chance. Hell, I stood up for you when no one else did. Is this how you repay me?"

John placed his hand on her shoulder again, knowing what it must have cost her to voice those thoughts out loud to her father's face. She visibly relaxed when he touched her again. Thank God he was here, she had no idea how she'd ever manage to say this without John behind her. He was probably the only one who knew how she felt about what she'd just said, he read her like an open book, even if she didn't ever say anything, he always knew. Everyone in the room held their breath, waiting to see what would happen next. Clint knew he was backed into a corner, and he knew no matter what he said next he'd come out looking like the bad guy.

Finally, a brave soul broke the deafening silence.

"I think we've all had enough excitement for one day" Viki said, stepping between Clint and Natalie, "Let me be the first to say congratulations" she smiled at her daughter, and the two women embraced. When the broke apart, Viki continued, "John, I really can't thank you enough. I was so worried, once I heard she was with you, I relaxed. I know you two will be very happy"

"Thanks Mom" Natalie said, as John took her hand.

"Why don't you come to dinner tomorrow? So we can celebrate you coming home?" she asked, then turned to Tea, Victor, Todd, and Blair, "You're all invited as well"

"That sounds good, Mom" she said, "I don't even know what food is salvageable in my apartment right now" she added.

"Well, then that's settled" she said, "How are you getting home?"

"I think we'll find Uncle Bo and Liam" she said.

"Yeah, I need to talk to Bo about some stuff anyway" John added.

"Alright, we'll see you tomorrow" Viki said, "and I am truly happy you're here and safe and happy. The both of you"

With that, all parties departed, leaving Viki to deal with Clint.


	39. Chapter 39

Bo drove the two of them home, catching him up on what he'd missed and thanked him for watching Liam. Bo and John made arrangements to start working again, after he made a quick trip to AC to retrieve his car and sign off on the FBI. Once they arrived, Natalie could tell Liam was sleepy, and trying hard to fight it, so she appeased him. Once they were back in her apartment, she made John call Eve to tell her the good news, and Liam was excited to talk to his grandmother. Once he hung up, however, Natalie started the process of convincing him it was time for bed. He put up a good fight, but after promises of seeing Daddy tomorrow and a lot of hugs and kisses, they knew Liam was finally down for the night. They silently watched him sleep for a while, their arms wrapped around each other. It felt good to have their family back under one roof.

When John and Natalie finally made it to her bedroom, John took one look at the room, and had to resist laughing out loud. The room screamed "girl". Her closet was organized by color, her makeup and jewelry were scattered across the dresser, he could blatantly smell her perfume in the air. What struck him most was the bed, it was white with a pink and purple design that swirled throughout the set, and the sheets and pillows matched.

"I can't stay here" he finally managed to say.

"I won't tell if you won't" she said, making her way into the open space.

"Man, I thought your room at Llanfair was bad"

"I won't revoke your man card" she teased him.

"I didn't know this was what you liked" he said, leaving the question out there for her to answer.

"Well, I guess I got a bit overzealous with decorations" she said, noting the girly picture frames of her and Jess and the wooden reeds that made the room smell like a tropical breeze, "but-this was the first room that was ever actually mine. I didn't really have my own room with Roxy, and Mom decorated all the rooms at Llanfair, and I've shared every other room that ever been mine. So I indulged, sue me"

"Fair enough" he said, "but by the time we're married, let's get a house so we can mutually decorate" he teased.

"Deal" she said, smiling, "I'm gonna change" she said, heading to the bathroom.

John smiled as he watched her walk away and close the door to the bathroom. He figured he had a few minutes to snoop around. He walked towards her dresser and closet, side by side in a corner, where he could imagine her getting ready every morning. He noted that she still stored her dresses towards the back of the closet, and he noticed his favorites had been shoved even further back. On her dresser, she kept a bunch of pictures, like she had in her bedroom at Llanfair, but never had the space to do in his apartment. There was one of Liam, another with her and Liam recently in addition to the one taken on his baptism, there was a picture of her, Jess, and her Mom, but what peaked his interest most was behind that picture was the one picture the three of them had taken at Liam's baptism, hidden where only she could see it. When he picked it up, he saw the other two pictures hiding behind that one. The frames were smaller, so they hid completely behind the others, but he saw that there wasn't any dust on the glass of the frame, suggesting that Natalie moved them at least often enough to wipe them off. On the right was the photo they'd taken together on Christmas many years ago when Roxy had ambushed them. He'd awkwardly put his arm on her shoulder and hadn't smiled, though hers shone through brilliantly. On the left was possibly the only photo he'd ever posed for and smiled for. It was taken the day Natalie had been accepted into the forensics program, during the week between their return from Bangkok and her shadowing a tech in Harrisburg. They'd been together, and it was one of the few times he remembered from that summer where he'd really been happy. Their happiness came through, unlike the first one, and they looked comfortable with his arm around her. He put the first photo back, happy in the knowledge that even if she'd moved out of the house they bought together, she hadn't been able to let go of him completely. Then, he grew curious. He'd long wondered if she'd taken any of his things when he'd left for Port Charles. The first drawer of her dresser would be an unorganized mess of panties, bras, and socks, the second would hold the t-shirts and tank tops she'd wear when they were just hanging around, and the third would hold her jeans that she wouldn't wear to work and other comfy pants. But the fourth and bottom drawer would be where she would hide her ridiculous pajamas and where she used to hide any of his clothes she wanted for herself. He knelt down, opening it, and sure enough, one half consisted of her neatly folded, printed pajama pants and mismatched shirts; the other half of the drawer was less stocked, but held his one maroon button down shirt, his white LPD t-shirt, and a black hoodie that must have been his, but he seemed to remember her wearing it more than he did. Smiling, he closed the drawer and stood. He heard the bathroom door open and turned to face her.

He knew his smile may have been out of place, but he was reminded of how amazing she truly was. She stood smiling at him, wearing only a black lace and pantie set. He felt his reaction to her state of undress immediately.

"Welcome home" she said, walking towards him.

"What a welcome present" he said, wrapping his arms around her waist as she stepped into his arms.

"I thought you'd like it"

"You've worn that for me before" he said, "when we were working on my dad's case. And I forgot it was our anniversary. It wasn't a big one, but you wanted to celebrate cuz-"

"It was the longest we'd been together" she finished, "I'm surprised you remember that"

"That night has always haunted me. I was so angry at myself, I was sure that you'd be gone or pissed or both. And you forgave me. You always forgave me"

"Someone had to make sure you weren't driving yourself insane. I was up for the job"

John just smiled, "I saw the pictures"

"I did miss you"

"Found my clothes, too"

"I told you I got lonely" she said, drawing a line down the middle of his chest, "I never washed them, so they'd still smell like you. Made me feel closer"

"I never want you to have to sleep alone again"

"Well, I had a bit more than sleeping in mind" she said, leaning up to kiss him.

"I noticed" he said, meeting her halfway.

Their kiss was immediately passionate, their tongues wrestling for dominance, leaving the both of them panting when they came back up for air.

"You're sure about this? You don't have to-"

"Shut up" she told him, bringing his lips to hers again.

She was rough, pulling at his hair, and he responded out of instinct, pulling her flush against him so her breasts were crushed against him. He loved that feeling, and the way she was kissing him, he was a goner. They pulled apart again, breathing hard, and their eyes met. Natalie could feel how hard he was for her, his erection pressed against her stomach through his pants.

"John" she moaned softly through her rapid breaths.

That alone brought him to a whole new level of desire, but he had to be sure this was what she wanted before he let it get that far. Through his rapid breathing, he managed to get out his question, "You're sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure" she said, but she knew the look in his eyes, "What's wrong?"

He pushed her hair back, "I just don't want to disappoint you" he paused and saw how confused she was, "It's been awhile" he explained.

"Since yesterday?" she questioned.

"Well, before that" he answered, "I never-"

"I know" she said, "You'll never disappoint me"

"You look real pretty"

"Prove it" she dared.  
Then, their lips were on each other's again as they kissed passionately. John walked them backwards til his legs hit the bed, all without breaking their kiss. In one swift motion, he turned and dipped Natalie back onto the bed, landing on top of her as his lips found their way to her neck and his favorite spot. Soon, she was moaning his name out, begging him not to stop, and that was the last cognitive thought either had for a while.

After a few hours, they finally lay sated, panting, with the sheets wrapped around them in ways they couldn't understand. When competent thought finally returned to Natalie, she laughed.

"What's so funny?" John asked.

"The first time a man comes into this room is the first time it's been a mess" she said.

"Complete coincidence" he said, smiling, as he wrapped an arm around her and brought her close.

"Yeah, I'm sure" she said, smiling as she placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

"You know, this room could grow on me" he said.

"I bet" she said, resting her head on his chest, "I missed this" she murmured into his chest.

He smiled, petting her hair, "Me too" he said.

She sighed, then propped her head up, though continued to play with her hair.

"By the way" she said, "No disappointment"

"And we can only get better from here"

"Those are high expectations, McBain" she said, leaning up to place a chaste kiss on his lips, "I don't believe you have to go to AC tomorrow"

"I'll be back by the time you get back from work" he said.

"Still, I'd like to be able to spend the day with you"

"You're gonna spend a lot of days with me" he said.

Natalie went to settle back on his chest, "We should probably get some sleep. Your son's an early riser"

"No he's not" John whined.

"Oh, yes he is"

"Where the hell did he get that from?" he asked.

"I have no idea. He's two, I'm hoping it's a phase"

"How early is early?"

"Like 5, 5:30 if we're lucky"

"And then you go to work? Dear God, what have I gotten myself into"

"No backsies now" she said, smiling up at him.

"Not in a million years" he said, "I love you"

"I love you too" she said, looking up at him.

He leaned down to kiss her lightly, "Good night"

"Good night" she said, smiling as he moved his other arm to hold her waist close to him, "you better hold me this close all night" she muttered into his chest.

"I will" he answered her, kissing the top of her head. He closed his eyes, relishing the feel of her in his arms and her hair sprawled out on his chest. She moved her leg over his so she'd be more comfortable. He loved how she felt, as if this was where they were supposed to be. "I'll always hold you" he muttered as sleep claimed them both.


	40. Chapter 40

Natalie looked in the mirror as Jess placed the veil in her hair. Her dress was simple, sleeveless with a sequined top and a flowy white body. Roxy had done her hair in a beautiful half-up, half-down due with curls framing her face, just the way she knew John would love it. As the tiara with the veil attached finally set in her hair, Jess started crying.

"Jess, please. You can't get me started, we'd have to go through this whole process again" Natalie tried as she willed her tears to go away.

"I know" Jess started, "It's just- we've all waited for this day for so long-"

"We're happy for you" Gigi said for her, "You deserve this more than anyone"

"Well, I made him work for it" Natalie said, trying to make it not seem as big a deal as it was.

The year had gone swimmingly. John left his cases at work, he and Liam had really grown close, and she'd never felt more special than when they were alone together. He'd followed his word, was home by seven at the latest, he called when he was leaving town to tell her and he came back when he said he was, never more than just a few hours to chase a lead. The two of them had re-opened Rodi's, spending lots of nights together there pulling it all back together; when so much seemed right it was easy to let the pieces of their life fall back into place. A few months ago, they had realized they had saved enough from Rodi's to put a down payment on a house and as luck would have it, their old house was on the market. They'd taken all the stuff Natalie had put in storage and moved back in, and since then, it had been smooth sailing. When it came to planning the wedding, they'd both agreed on a summer wedding, an extended weekend in AC, and finishing off their honeymoon at home. He'd been uncharacteristically helpful with the wedding plans, only bitching and moaning when she refused to spend last night in the house. She knew it was mostly because she had told him just a few days before that she was a few days late, though she wasn't going to do anything about it until she was a full month late. John was clear on his thoughts; he'd love another, especially a little girl. He wanted her close in case she got sick or something, but she refused to jinx what was promising to be a perfect day.

"Good strategy by the way" Gigi said, "worked so hard, he can't run out now"

"Oh, he wouldn't run" Natalie said, "If he had his way, we'd have been married for months by now"

"Who knows what would have been different if Dad hadn't intervened" Jess said, "Did he change his mind?"

Natalie sighed. She had made her stance clear, she wanted her father in her life, and in Liam's, especially since Liam had grown so close to his grandfather. But John was in her life permanently and whether Clint liked it or not, that was how it was going to stay. It had helped that John had willingly signed a prenup and a contract waiving his rights to ever take legal action against anyone in her family, and done so without even a wince. But even that hadn't been enough for Clint to give them his blessing, or even accept their invitation to the wedding. John was civil whenever the two of them were in a room together, despite Clint pointing out his flaws at every turn. She'd asked Rex to walk her down the aisle in the event her father refused to come, and she was secretly glad she had. Though Rex had never been the biggest supporter of her and John, he was genuinely happy that she was happy.

"No, he hasn't. He's not coming" she said, "But, I have John, and Liam, and you guys flew out. He's not going to ruin this day"

"Like I was going to miss this" Jess said.

"For real. This has only been forever in the making" Gigi added.

"Let's get you ready to go" Jess said, and they heard a knock on the door. Jess gave Natalie a glare, then shared a knowing look with Gigi.

"What?" Natalie asked.

"We've already had to stop John from seeing you once today. He's not going to enjoy the repeat performance" Jess said.

"Natalie" they heard John's voice on the other side of the door.

"Oh, he's going to get it" Gigi said, starting towards the door.

Before she could reach the door, John had opened it and had entered the room. Fortunately, Natalie stayed behind the dressing shade, out of sight, though she thoroughly enjoyed what she heard.

"Get out" Gigi started.

"I just want to-"

"We know what you want, you can't see her in her wedding dress, its bad luck" Jess said.

"That's ridiculous" John said.

Typical John, Natalie thought. She figured she could save him from this confrontation with a compromise, and it would do her some good to talk to him, too.

"Guys, just let him in. He's not going to give up" she said.

"But its bad luck-" Jess started.

"I'll stay back here, he won't see me" Natalie said.

"Natalie-" Gigi started.

"Let's be real, this wedding isn't going to start until someone gives into John" she said, "Look, I can get my shoes on myself, and I have my bouquet, you two just get ready and we'll be out in a minute"

"And it better be separately" Gigi added.

"Fine" Jess said.

Once the door closed, John made his way to his side of the dressing shade.

"They're gone, you can out from behind this thing now"

"No" she exclaimed, "It's bad luck for you to see me in my dress"

"Yes, we're very traditional, that's why we already have a child" he said, "You're not one to be superstitious"

"Need I remind you of the last time you saw me in my dress before our wedding?"

"I have no more psychotic exes to be worried about"

"Better safe than sorry" she said.

"Natalie-"

"The best part of my day is going to be seeing your face when you see me. Are you really going to take that away from me?"

"Fine" he said.

"So what's so pressing?" she asked, though she knew exactly what he was going to say.

"I just needed to see you. Or at least hear you, I guess"

"Was boy's night that boring? Liam and Michael put you to sleep that fast?"

"It was fun. Michael tried to tell Liam embarrassing stories. I got him back with Gabe, though"

"It's easy to embarrass Michael" she said.

"Liam and Gabe went down pretty early. Then Mike wanted to talk, about married life and stuff"

"How awful" she said.

"I missed you last night"

"I missed you, too. It's been a long time since I slept at my mom's. It was weird"

"It was weird to be in our room without you"

"I'm sure we'll get enough of each other over the next few weeks"

"I could never get enough of you" he said, "that's not fair when I can't even see you"

"You'll see me soon"

"It's just been too long since I've seen you, and it'll still be awhile before we can be alone together. I had to be with you for a little before all the craziness starts"

"I figured" she said, smiling, "I know you pretty well"

"How was your night?"

"We had fun. Jess wanted to celebrate more, but we really just caught up. Shane's doing real good in school"

"I'm glad to hear it" he said, then paused for a second, "So how are you feeling?"

"Well, my feet are little cold" she teased.

"Not funny, if anyone gets to run out, it's me" he said, smiling too.

"I feel good. Nothing's changed" she said.

"I was worried-"

"If something had happened, either way, I would have called you" she said.

"I know, I just- wish you'd stayed last night"

"We're doing this right this time, John. I'm not gambling, this wedding will go off without a hitch, and I was not about to tempt fate"

"I dreamed about you last night"

"I bet you did" she said, smiling.

"I know you're going to be prettier than I imagined"

Her smile grew, "So what was I wearing? I wonder if I'll compare"

"Well, you were wearing white, and then-"

"Then what?" she goaded.

"Well, after that, nothing but a smile"

The way he said that sent shivers down her spine. She knew he was going to do this all day, his own exquisite type of loving torture to get her to leave early.

"Sounds like you've got plans for tonight"

"Oh, I can't wait to get my hands on you"

"Not til we're married" she taunted, "And the sooner we start, the sooner we head to AC"

"If that's not motivation, I don't know what is" he said, "So you're really okay?"

"Yeah, I feel good. Besides, it's still too early to have morning sickness" she said, "How about, until the honeymoon's over, we don't worry about it, just enjoy it. When it's over, we'll take the test"

"Alright" he said, "I guess I'll go up to the alter before Jess and Gigi drag me out"

"I'll see you at the altar. I'll be the one in white"

"Like I could ever miss you" he said, then waited a second, "And Natalie?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

Shortly, she heard the door close again and she stepped into her shoes and grabbed her bouquet. She couldn't wait to be his wife. The second she stepped out of the door, Jess and Gigi were on top of her.

"I hope that was important"

"It delayed the ceremony"

"It could bring bad luck"

"I have all the luck I need" she assured them, "Did they make it to the alter?"

"Yup, we're ready to go when you are, sis" Rex said, "You look good. McBain's going to eat his heart out"

"Unless he's seen her already" Jess said.

"He hasn't" Natalie said, "You guys ready?"

"Let's do this thing" Gigi said.

Within minutes, the bridal march had started and Gigi processed down the aisle, followed shortly by Jess. As she and Rex started down the aisle, she and John locked eyes. She prayed that as long as she'd live, she'd never forget the look in his eyes right now. He looked so happy, so in love, and so captivated by her. Not that she'd ever doubted his love for her, but in this moment, she knew it would be impossible to do that. She was so focused on his face and so oblivious to everyone around her that when the priest spoke, she had to stop herself from jumping a little bit.

"Who gives this woman to this man?"

"Her parents and I do, Father" Rex answered.

She kissed the side of his face, whispering a quick thank you in his ear. Rex took a seat by her mom, and she joined John on the alter.

"You look pretty" he whispered.

Before anything else could happen, the door to the back of the church opened and everyone turned to see what was going to wrong at this wedding.

Clint stepped through the door. For a second, the only thing that happened was John taking Natalie's hand. He had a tux on, but everyone had the same thought: had he hit the bottle again? He nodded at John and Natalie, then took a seat in the back of the church. Natalie managed a smile at her father, and she could hear everyone let go of the breath they'd been holding.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, though she couldn't have been happier with it. It seemed before she knew it, she and John were on their way to AC in the limo Viki had insisted on getting them. They hadn't accepted any other offer she'd put forth to help with the wedding, so she had really pushed the limo, and in the end, it seemed a good idea to have someone else drive them after the wedding and reception. They were in the limo for a whole two seconds before Natalie took her heels off and John took them in his lap, starting with a great foot message.

"Mm I knew I married you for a reason" she smiled. Damn, his hands were talented.

"So did you like the wedding, Mrs. McBain?"

"It was perfect"

"Yeah, it was"

"So I guess it was as good as you dreamed?"

"I've had this dream a million times. Nothing's as good as the real thing"

"I'm glad" she said, "I feel like we've accomplished something so great. For all the times we got so close and it didn't work out"

"This has been ten years in the making. And we probably should have gotten here a lot sooner. I should have married you the second I put

Spencer behind bars, but, that's what makes this moment feel so worthwhile. I'm not saying I got no regrets, but I wouldn't trade a minute with you for anything. We got here"

"Took the scenic route, but yeah, I feel the same way"

"I love you" he said, "and I can't wait to tell you that everyday"

"I love you, too. I can't wait to live my life as Mrs. John McBain"

"That has such a nice ring to it" he smirked.

"Yeah, it does" she smiled, too, "I feel like this is what I've always supposed to be, your wife"

"Well, so far I'm really liking being your husband, too"

"You better" she said, smiling.

"We're going to have a good life together. I promise"

"We already have a great one. It's finally time we made official"

"Thanks for taking another chance on me"

"Well, guess I owe it to you, you know, saving my life all the time and all"

"Well" John said, taking a six pack of beer out of the fridge in the back of the limo.

"Oh, you're the greatest" she said.

"I try" he said, handing her one, "Here's to hopefully, no more time apart, no more chances, and no more lives at risk"

"Cheers" she said, smiling. They clinked their bottles together, taking a drink. John leaned over to kiss her. And as he kissed her, she had the fleeting thought, that maybe she'd live happily ever after after all.


End file.
